tak gi kerja lagi

nari mc lagi sekali. kali nie batuk. sakit dah kat 3 minggu tak baik2x. mungkin kerana tak dapat tidor betul. semalam pukul 3 -6 pagi tak dapat tido. maybe the last few weeks of pembawaan ke? lately and frequently i get back aches sakit macam nak terbalik.

baby is moving violently .. my helper has started her work yesterday. alhamdulillah. so far kita boleh ngam. Insha Allah she will be helping me when I come back from hospital. Tengok rumah bersih.. senonoh.. happy rasa..

Nari ijust continue kemas sikit2x...

oh yeah nak tanya .. nak gi hospital nie nak pack ape eh? dah lupa. bag ape nak kena pakai?

dah 2 hari tak gi kerja

yup. 2 hari. sebab.. entah.. memang rasa tak sihat. tapi bila dah dok rumah rasa okay pulak. gi kerja je macam orang sakit.

i have bought the bedsheet... yang menyedihkan semua bedsheet i saw has CNY splashing all over it. Wrong time to buy. In the end i bought this soft pink spring looking bedsheet. and I bought a tablecover... ummm im short of words.. floral also. memandangkan table kat dapur nie dah cantik..hubby is making it his worktable cum study table. arrrghhh!

Oh i sold off my sony cybershot! i got $100 for that. I was hoping for 200 but hubby said dont get hopes too high. ehhee. Now pestering hubby to get another camera!. where is the logic! haahhahaha ..alhamdulillah .. my husband loves me and loves to tolerate me. Alhamdulillah.

Went to Joo Chiat complex. Fun. Been a long time. Saw nice curtains for umar's room. Quite expensive but good quality and design. Sooo mengeram. Arrghhh!!!

Im trying to learn to accept the fact that I am replaceable. Long story. But never knew that to swallow that feeling is hard.

And this muharram..i'm trying my best to rekindle a stronger relationship with Allah. Very hard job but really really am trying. Please pray for me. Amin.

*suddenly i'm thinking of keledek cooked in daun pandan... yummy.

3:29am

tak boleh tido lagi. bukan tak boleh. tapi dah terlelap at 9pm. i woke up at 2am. so up till now. currently chatting with a long time friend who is currently staying in london doing her masters.

Hopefully i will feel sleepy soon.

I borrowed Anuar Zain's sensasi collection. *sigh* no original had to burn to a copy. Nothing beats owning the real thing. im listening to the songs over and over again.

Alhamdulillah i found a part-time helper. She will start next week once a week until i deliver then she will come daily for 1/2 a day each.

HUbby mite be leaving for the US this weekend for 1o days. ARGH!

After a luxurious pre-natal massage early in the morning and a heavy breakfast at afghanistan just 30mins before that, I had my gynae appointment.

*sigh* depressing. baby in oblique position. maknanya. kepala tak ke bawah sangat tapi kaki kat atas. and the baby is small. skearng she is 2kg. Ntahlah bila dgr the news terus rasa down. I had my mom's company with umar and my nephew. Lepas tu kita gi geylang. I felt like wallowing in food. So i bought chicken briyani, kebab and cheekong. All finish.

Im waiting for hubby to come home to tell the full news.

dapat 1 je bedsheet. Itu pun rasa tak se syiok cos beli kelam kabut. Next week i told hubby that i need time for myself. He said okay... umm thus far. Takut tup tup tukar rancangan.

anyway. Tennis update. Korang mesti dah tahu Nadal lost.. totally out of Aussie Open. Not that I am a fan of tennis. ON and off tu boleh lah. But some1 gotta beat Federer man! He irritates me. Someone need to keep him down to earth. Feel the Earth Federer! I was hoping it would be Nadal. Tapi Nadal injury.

Oh well. MOve on. SG vs Msia. This weekend. Should be good. Maklumlah adik beradik kalau berjumpa tak bercekau tak sah.. love hate relationship.

Ingat nak bawak umar gi children's festival.. nothing looks appealing to me or for umar from my point of view.

*sigh*

oh yeah I got my mocha.

1.22am

I had an early sleep at 9am. All of us went to sleep after my mom left my place. Now im up and cant sleep.

So what can i talk abt? Anything under the sun moon and stars!

Wonder whether i'll have to time to blog with 2 kids ke tidak? I've been having major craving for coffee or mocha. I think dah sebulan. And I simply dont have the time or chance to get some.

Let's see. I'm 32 weeks and approximately 8 weeks to go. I need to

• get a haircut
• call contractors to hack my toilet vanity top and make a build in storage for my storeroom
• re-model the so-called office once i get the chance to
• call for part-time help. (this can be done this friday when my pre-natal kakak comes in to do massage). I'm really on my own this time. What if the part-time help can't cook or not independant enough to do house work on her own? I hope this will go well.
• Buy baby cot (this can be done in Feb)
• U know I am one jealous person ... hmm envious. I envy people who study. Another colleauge approached me for advise on courses. I'm soo *argh* about it. Will I get a chance to do this? How? Will I ever find me?
• I need to decide whether I should work full-time, part-time or non at all. I can only decide when the baby comes. Would that be the best time to decide on things?
• My hubby says im ultra controlling lately esp when it comes to him. Of course he has been doing the major housework he said that i freak out when he goes out of the house. I wish he understands more what I am going thru. It seems like my explanation tak pakai gitu. I'm too dependant on him on little things even he said. Which he doesnt want me to be. Entah eh.. maybe this is my adjustment period. I'm not as mobile as I used to be.. so I need him more. Mungkin dia rasa rimas dengan my clinging-ness. And suddenly he wanted the baby to be out soon. Which i feel it's questionable gitu. Apsal i tak tau lah why i feel like this.
• Oh another craving - is a holiday.. a break. Just wanna sit back and relax. Do nothing at all. Now everyday I sungguh bercinta nak keluar gi kerja.
• Other expensive cravings include - a new camera, handphone and a smart organizer.
• I need 2 sets of bedsheet. My hubby gave me some money to spend. I told him I barely have free time to do this cos our schedule is as such where i rush home to pick umar and the rest of the day is spent with him till hubby comes home from work. Nak go to the store to get groceries also tak terdaya. I can't manage with umar. Unless my list consist less than 5 things to buy. My energy is almost zilch.
• Eventhough I share with him babycenter page on my development. I dont think he could fully comprehend whats going on with me and in me. Anyone of you feel/felt that?Which is why he demands more from me i think.

...................................................i_mshe

Hazards

Selain dari nama town.. and a song by Richard Marx... I can't help but say that there is some hazards being married to a non-local.

I tell you from this morning.. orang asyik take advantage of us.. or maybe I'm the overly sensitive lot.

Oh before I go there, did I tell you guys I told off in a nice way my neighbour upstairs. Just now, they had some reading blasting off their sound system. I can't sleep at all. My poor hubby had to search who (hoping it wasn't them) to tell them to turn it down. Ah yes. It was. I then realised tolerance, patience and understanding are tough things to do as a Muslim. I must learn not to swear and curse. I don't do that actually just at these times I'm extremely sensitive.

So back to hazards.

We went to take Umar for a haircut. Malay barber. It took him less than 5 mins to be done! I went to the store to get something for my throat and I came back I saw them out of the door. My hubby's face was really annoyed. It was half pass job that he did. He said I should have stayed to tell the guy in the language that he knows that it was not properly done. I said you should have told me rather than leave immediately. Cos only in the taxi i noticed how poorly his hair was cut. We were the ONLY customer he had. What am i dealing with here?? mindset??? what am I dealing with in this community??? Of course my husband didn't keep quiet. He told the guy who was in denial.

We had lunch outside so-called restaurant. First thing they serve while we were looking at the menu was kerepek belinjau. Of course we ate happily and moved on with out order, we also ordered another set of kerepek belinjau. They didn't send the ordered one however billed us for the one the put on the table when we came in. I looked at the bill and told the guy who took down our order that he should have told or even have the courtesy to ask whether we want the kerepek belinjau in the first place. SOOOO what am i dealing with???? Another type of mindset!!! BUt I am going to report this.

Taxi.

Driver drove like a mad man took us less than 7 mins to reach home from the airport. SUPer fast wasn't it. The driver SNATCHED the money from my husband and drove off. This one my husband will take care.

Breathe imshe breathe.. no i'm not having contractions... but can't we have a decent day where things happen right?? For now, I don't expect that in Singapore.

lupa

apa ye nak tulis eh.. tadi ingat sekarang dah lupa.

Almost got myself into an accident tadi. Me in taxi hujan lebat, balik rumah dari ofis. The taxi i was in turn right into the small road which will lead to a carpark entrance on the right. Kat depan kita ade mini van. tak pasal2x mini van nie ambik kiri.. start to slow down. Ahpek nak ambik kanan so that he can go left, tak pasal2x mini van nie dgn sedapnye belok kanan.. lagi sikit teksi cium van. Alhamdulillah takde ape2x.. nasib tak terberanak dalam teksi. Ahpek cool giler.. tak marah pun. Gue yang marah dgn kakak bertudung merah membuat keputusan nak belok secara tiba2x tanpa warning.

Itu satu hal.

Anak ku Umar, kita orang kaki gaduh .. tapi mungkin nowadays ku takde energy nak marah dia.. dia pun naik kepala. BUT.. nowadays bila dia cakap word 'mom' .. terlalulah cute. Slang dia abis slang bapak dia.

Hal ke dua.

Semalam tgk hubby's friend's wife bersalin. Baby girl. Tak sabar nak unload rasanya. The biggest surprise was to meet an OLDDDDDDd school mate. Namanya panjang... korang (lun & Td) boleh teka tak sapa dia? Nak clue? Nama dia ade 7 syllables.

Lagi satu hal.

Old School Mate nie tanya soalan yang dah jadi satu kebiasaan aku terima. Is that your husband? Hmmm next time ade orang tanya soalan nie aku akan jawab "that's my live-in boyfriend of 5years. We are expecting another child". AHAKS.

Hal terakhir sekali.

I want to sell my cybershot. Umurnya hampir 2tahun. Get a better cybershot. AND i finally made up my mind that I want Palm Tungsten (backdated tak?) for my birthday LAST YEAR! memandangkan i dont know what i wanted so ade rain-check lah.

Belum abis.

Bangau2x yang berkeliaran around my area nie.. suka take flights in group. Sooo lah beautiful.. Macam aku tinggal kat Amazon.

Okay dah abis. Leave your comment eh?

!!!&*%$@@*&*&!!!

Im having a fit right now! I called my hubby more than 5 times he didnt answer!!! arghhh! Every time I want to ventilate he is NOT THERE TO ANSWER HIS PHONE!

I am frustrated and pissed with the neighbours!. Next door let her kid cry EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Damn her. Im gonna tell her off. And the people upstairs do this EVERY *bleep* time! I cant get peace and quiet around here!!!! What the hell is wrong with these people!!! THey drill, they bang for god knows what reason!!!!!!

I cant sleep.. cos im a light sleeper especially day time.. and I cant read a descent islamic book bcs I am SOOOO DAMN BLOODY ANGRY!!!

@#$&@&!!@*&%$^#*!!!!!!!!! to you all!

Mobility

Yes. With almost 30 weeks in sight (what is it with me and the word SIGHT), mobility is surely a skill I appreciate most at this point in time. And I realised that from the very beginning of the pregnancy I have been less mobile. I envy Ligo for her mobility even with 2 very young kids. I can imagine she 'swishing' (with sound effect) from one place to another and at times scolding some ahpek for their oversight.

Hmm come to think of it maybe I should name this girl with some words that has to do with mobility, agility, grace, fore-sight. That would surely be appropriate since I was almost immobile for the first 5mths. Regaining strength at 5mths and now coming back to a full circle again that I am back to being in bed after certain activities.

Well if that is the case, what best can I do while in bed? Lemme see..

• I could sleep of course - that is on top most of the agenda.
• Read a book / newspaper/magazines
• Stare at the ceiling, looking for cracks so that I could finally tell those bloody *bleep* upstairs to shutup. I could bring this up finally as a cause to HDB.
• Look out for dust/bugs/geckos
• Eat & drink in bed
• Play with Umar
• Exercise like taking small steps to the toilet - takes less than 3 steps to reach there .. I have to do this bcs we all know we could get bedsores.
• Daydream
• Surf and chat with me lappie
• Talk on the phone
• No I dont have TV in my room so forget about watching TV.
• Fold clothes while in bed.
• Clean the floor from the bed!

Well I can't complain much more as it is expected that from 30wks on I will experience lethargy and tiredness. I do appreciate now the companionship of a big butt for 40 weeks. It ease you in bed.

Yes in fact! I could suggest to the govt do have BB Day out! This would surely a worthwhile investment for them to encourage more babies! And we all know Big Butts are signs of fertility. THUS we should rejoice nature's gift to US! BBs are IN!

Anyway, back to reality.. I got go Pee.

begin

The start of a new year I had a conversation with an old friend. It was emotional, touching and real.

It was Umar's first time going to school on the school bus. We are still adjusting to that fact. I had to control my tears letting him go. We share more kisses hugs and laughter nowadays. What a joy!

I thought initially to work on a few minor plans I have for myself this year. I had mentally prepare myself to be a stay at home mom. Well, I may do that part-time. I am enjoying free time in the afternoon although with this pregnancy my movement is alittle restricted. *Sigh* I actually thought of going to Batam for the weekend. Somehow I shelved the idea.. although I kinda regret that now.

What I wish for in 2007 (although it doesn't matter to me that it is a new year it's just a sort of a new day with new beginning)

I wish for more time with my loved ones. It is an effort I have to make.

I wish to re- learn/re-discover my passion.

I wish for a better Earth for everyone to live in. Although this sounds very MissUniverse-y but we should put our heads, heart and hands to make this more liveable.

I would want to attempt to take driving lessons and get a license and I pray that I don't harm any living being.

With the rain in sight..nothing is more beautiful than the sight of the ever faithful egrets (bangau). I saw more than 20 huddling up together and as if they were observing silence or some form of prayer. All of them stood really still for some time.

And I would want to attempt to cook more at home.. be more wifey you know.

The end of 2006

Promise me you'll remember

This love together today

We may not have tomorrow

It's not for us to say

If we should lose each other

Somewhere inside the dark

Promise me you'll remember

How good we are

Why do I find this sadness

Under your sweetest kiss

Destiny seems to whisper

It won't stay like this

Whenever we're together

I feel time standing still

I only know I love you

And I always will

If we should lose each other

Somewhere inside the dark

Promise me you'll remember

How good we are

Time isn't kind to lovers

It breaks the hardest heart

Promise me you'll remember

How good we are

Love theme from Godfather III

By Harry Connick Jr

For all love that was lost in 2006, for a man for a woman for passion for a country for a statesman. Eid Mubarak.

Pregnancy amnesia

Yes mine is quite teruk... i can forget things within split seconds and its hard for me to recall or even try to retrace my steps.

ANYWAY!!! I found the bags of baby stuffs which i thought i must have thrown it out together with the trash! Camne tah it appeared at the bottom pile (well belum sempat kemas) in my closet. So out appeared 1 dozen more clothes, 2 bottles, brush.. etc! *sigh* okay lah alhamdulillah .. now she has 3 dozen clothes and 5 sets of mittens and booties! and 2 hats.

okay what else. Oh yeah went to the gynae today... okay i must have mis-read my own body weight. I have gained almost 5 kg in 1 mth. That's 10kg in total!!!!! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!! I was shocked that I weighed myself on the machine TWICE! and i fear another 10kg gain in the next 3mths!! anyway.. i was kinda feeling upset/confused/disappppointed with myself.. cos i thot baby would be small but seems like she's gonna just as big as Umar. *sigh*.. I fear it maybe another c-section eventho the gynae didnt say anything about it. She said kedudukan baby is melintang... maybe she needed the space and she said got room in my tummy so boleh main pusing2x! She said its still early anyway.

*sigh*

i wish for morning - an appeal

For once in my life I wish morning would just be round the corner. I don't want to sleep tonite if I can. But yes I know it's not good for me.

I wanna be the first to know that my loved ones are alrite and safe from harm. Night time just takes that away. The fear of a fleeting moment - that something could happen to any one of them.

I was thankful that each time I wake up to pee (lately) that I hear the sound of the rain. It gave me comfort and covered me with a warm blanket. But not tonite rain. You can continue your duty but nite I want the sun to come out and assure me that things are alrite. I want to get rid of fear in me. I want to be at ease.

So please sun come out sooner for me... put my fear at ease.

Feels like home

A good chat with TD last nite lifted my spirits. Gave me a sense of 'home' ... familiarity.

I am still thinking about Mardijah Aldrich Tarantino. I can't get over it!

Thanks for the time TD.

i_mshe

i don't understand people

I don't understand people who make relationships be it friendship, intimate relationships, bgr, ggr or bbr even - complex. Why do people make it hard on other people in order to satisfy themselves? I had a friend who had mood swings. It affected me a lot cos nothing I do was right. And till now I have yet to ask why this friend acted that way. Why the mood swings? I deserve some answers. Anyway I dread going back to the office. Pls rain the whole day and night and day and night.

overdoing

Yes I think I am overdoing it. My girl has 2 dozens clothes that may last her till she is 6-8mths! But I can't remember where I put some of her clothes that she is suppose to wear when she comes back from the hospital. Still we have yet to complete our baby stuff shopping. And I absolutely when crazy (eksyen je) when I saw this baby bag from mothercare that cost $125!!!

Ahh... at 27 weeks I can't wait to give birth! I have like hmm 13 weeks to go.. Macam lama lagi gitu. I can't wait! I pray that Allah will give her health, iman and wisdom. Amin. Thus far i've gained like 6kg only. Unlike when I was pregnant with umar I totally ballooned! And i'm all in love with my son, Umar cos he keeps me laughing. Of course he gets on my nerve but he is simply too adorable and I love him soooooooooo much. Ah speaking of him, school re-opens soon. He will be takign the school bus next year. I wish I don't have to put him on the bus. It's like abandoning him .. a betrayal! *sigh* it has to be done. I can't imagine him 1 hr on the bus ride to school and home. arrrghhhh. Allah please protect my son from harm.

This one (the girl) has character... and pretty vocal ( i hope she is pretty and vocal!) Sometimes i have to tell her to tone down abit or to keep quiet (hehehe dalam perut dah kena marah!) and amazingly she understood and listened to me!

But I'm a sensitive schmuck which i've never been. Easily offended especially when I feel my husband did wrong (or something nothing wrong even!). I crave for expensive chocolates! yipes! but i hold myself back - and fresh fruit juice and fruits. And I like McCafe's cappucino..which early morning today I overdose myself on it!

I don't know whether to rejoice the time I have now or to be impatient for the baby's arrival.. which means I'm gonna be very busy. I can't imagine what 2007 would hold for me or how things maybe. I simply cannnot imagine how things will be with 2 kids. So how is it for you lun and ligo? tell me.

katakan yang benar walaupun ia pahit

This is the hardest thing to do isn't it? Takes courage, comfort and disclosure. I'm back to square 1. Re-finding myself again. I shelved it for a few months now and it creep in me today. I miss learning Balaghah.

If I accept

the sunshine and warmth

I must also accept

the thunder and lightning.

(Khalil Gibran from Mary Haskell’s Journal. March 12, 1922.)

The colors of the morning

Taking a break from all the morning hassle, I love the colors of morning. Its greying blue. I can't imagine waking up to color of red morning or bright green or purple. It's a sign of Allah's mercy on us, helping our eyes brain and senses adjust from night to day.

I like looking at the morning dew scattered on the spiderwebs. Gives me a sense of coolness and calmness inside. Most of all, I like looking at the egrets scattered and scavenging for food on the field near my house. It breaks the monotony of the bricks, mortars and facade that we carry day to day.

Good morning!

somethings you just got to accept and live with it

Today morning my mom called me telling me she feels unwell ... there was blood in her spetum (camne nak spell bende nie.. tak ingat) So me kelam kabut go to the house.. There are somethings i wish i could share for the love of my mother with you all. tapi tak terdaya nak tulis. I was just terribly sad, upset, disappointed and felt it was just beyond my control. What can you say about orang tua. Dorang dah make up their mind kan. Susah nak kata.. macam2x alasan keluar. Believe me I am dead tired rite now. I got home at 10pm. Alhamdulillah i guess it is a blessing now i am working part-time and my employers don't mind me taking off and making it up later. Alhamdulillah juga perut tak sakit pinggang tak sakit. Semalam pergi botanical garden and vivocity... sakit perut and pinggang. Allah kesian kan agaknye. I am just soo speechless and I have no more comment on this cos it's emotionally draining and it is a worthless fight cos we are not going to win. Kadang2x fikiran nie jahat.. brapa lama eh...mungkin tak lama hidupnye... sungguh tak baik fikir gini tapi it's the best for her and for us. Cos ade limit kalau gitu. tapi kalau fikirkan sapa2x pun boleh datang ajal tak kira muda atau tua. Sebab tu kadang2x rasa nak lari saje. Forget this world. Penat. I don't blame my husband for getting angry also. I know he wants to protect me. Tapi ye lah nie nama dia cultural difference. Dia tak faham and tak boleh terima how things just work. Tak boleh just move on and live with it.

memang

Arghhhh Tolong bantu!!! Obviously I made some changes...AND I don't know how to do it!!! Help! p/s : I'm hungry

upgrade

Arghhhhhhhhh

I lost my post!

I've upgraded for the benefit of my bloghealth.

Plans for the weekend - saturday - open house and on sunday morning picnic at botanical garden.

I watched pgltm i lovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee it sooooooooo muchhhhhh! Proud of my jiran! AC Mizal is my fav and Afdlin Aman Ramlie is simply sexy!

Thanks cekya for dropping by. I hope all is well with you in London. Bila balik?

Lun - sunday ade kat rumah ibuk tak? insha Allah nak singgah.

Ligo - apsal sonyap je?

mamaemmy - how u doing? apsal tak update lagi blog?

The Dreamer - gi lanjutkan pelajaran kat mana? Australia? Canada? USA? New Zealand?

WTl - how r u girl? jgn sedih selalu. I miss you.

its almost midnite . Semalam gi full scan .. so dapat picture of baby. I saw how she looks like. Masha Allah. Allah is truly amazing. Now while me bloggin baby is kicking and movign around. I still dont have a good name for her. I honestly think naming a female child is harder than male.

Another colleague of mine leaving. sedih. ape nak buat. I've been offered to come back fulltime. tapi tak nak. dah takde hati. I'll just take a break and re organise my life for a while.

OKlah.. don't have much to say.

thanks for the prayers

Alhamdulillah my mom went home yesterday. It was not easy for us.. everything was on the edge. What was told was that she had a damage/irregular heart vessel.

You know I realised something abt myself. I dont take my mom's complain abt her health seriously. Maybe because I am used to seeing her running about (yes she runs still and she is 70) and masih menyangkul kat kebun. She can climb trees if she wants to but only climbs kitchen cabinets to get the dusts and webs out. She used to wash the walls with her own concoction of sabun. She stopped doing that for this year's hari raya. Then again even when my dad complained of pains I took it nonchalantly. I know now it's my own defense mechanism at work. I can't handle my love ones in pain.

Taking care of her made me take a step back. It gave me a chance to take a hard look at her. She has wrinkled flabby skin, her muscles seems all dried out and what's left of her that cloth her body is just her skin. Her eyes are grey and crows feet don't do justice to her. And I began to appreciate the time that Allah has given her, the health He has always promised her. She barely gets sick.

So I guess this is Allah's way of telling her and especially all of us to take time out for ourselves, for our health. You know I used to follow my mom during her hey day to Kelantan on a bus in the morning from Singapore and the moment we dropped off she started buying her keropok and kain and book the next bus home. By midnite or wee hours of morning we would have reached Singapore. Amazingly hyper isn't she? She was in her 50s when she did this.

When she was early 60s she went umrah with my cousin, and could still jump into a bus while the bus was still running. It was hard for all of us, her children to tell her to take it slow. She lives on adrenaline rush. And if you tell her to stay home and just do chores, she be having fever by mid day. And this is no joke. She will be taking panadol and be lying in bed as if she was struck by a bad flu. And her health still permits, she would be one of the contestant in the Amazing Race.

Even my late father was blessed with good health and strength. He could still arm wrestle anybody that challenged him at the age of 70. Even though by then he had a bit of heart condition and a spine problem.

SO ALHAMDULILLAH. Allah wants my mom to take a breather. I know she'll be back on her feet soon (she's already planning trips to Johor, Bintan and KL) but I know this time she will take it slow.

Adakah ini penentuan masa?

This morning my mother was brought to the emergency. She complained of chest pain. Test showed that she has some heart problem. They can't ascertain what it is until blood test comes back from the lab. That means it'll be tomorrow.

Cardiologist said she had a heart attack.

Pray for my mom people, please. Pray that everything is fine and she will be healthy.

Congrats to LUn!

Ucapan tahniah to LUn and family for the birth of baby boy pukul 1:30am tadi pagi. Alhamdulillah ibu and anak sihat.

Anyway i think i need to change my blog ah... nie blog asyik problem nak masuk....

Hows everybody? I'm looking for a baby's name ah... Insha Allah baby girl due in March 07 end of March that is.

Thanks for the well wishes aritu.. tak dapat jawab cos the blog jadi giler.

SO highly likely need a new blog.

see u all soon! Jemput datang ke rumah.. yang dekat dan jauh ye *wink*

OH WTL - thanks for the raya kad! Lov it!

It's my birthday

I turn 31 today .. i feel old.

When I was in my teens I fear reaching the 20s. I fear because of responsibility. I fear adulthood. I never thot I would live till mid 20s or late 20s. Morbid of course but I realised that this is my natural reaction due to my past.

And to make matters worst - bad things or bad news tend to happen around October. Like the Haze now. I literally am growing dust over my eyes nowadays. I swear I can't wait for this to be over and move on with my life as per normal.

Price hikes tend to be in October because it's the final quarter of the year. Bleah!

Well whatever it is, bouquets to me. I survived till 31 by the Grace of Allah.

I hope to die in my sleep just like my dad.

nak update. .tapi tak berdaya

am tooo tired to do any updates.

just checking on people to see how they are doing.

Intermission

Missing

I have this longingness for Mecca - the HolyLand

This cry in my heart wants to go back home.

Where peace and serenity co-exist at the same time.

Where my heart is at ease with this world

Where I can accept the world's maddening as it is

because where I was and where I would be

does not matter

I am one with my Master.

When will I receive my invitation again? Zuhri - your pics made my longingness far harder to carry.

presenting....... death

One event that is familiar to us all which comes once in awhile in our course of life whether to ourselves or our close ones is death.

Death is all too familiar to me. I have experienced death, though not my own yet but the ones very close and dear to me. My father died 2 years ago in his sleep. My brothers died when I was 10 and the other when I was 23yrs. After awhile I came to a conclusion that death sort of comes around in a 10yr-cycle for me. I can't help but have morbid thoughts about death. Each death has a personalised experience, different imprint in my life.

When my youngest brother died ( I am the youngest in the family), i lost a bestfriend and a protector. My second brother came up to me that day, hugging me in front of the toilet in our old house telling me that he will protect me now. Somehow at that point in time, he knew of that role my late brother had played in my life.

When my second brother died in 1998, i lost someone whom i looked up to, one who never fear failure and consequences. Who believed that opportunities do not wait for those who sit around, that you must seek opportunities. As I was much older during the time when this death happen, I felt a sense of bleakness. That if I closed my eyes all is black and dark. So there I was on my own. I can't help feeling selfish and thinking of myself as i am the youngest.

We raced to KL from Singapore one early morning as the condition of my brother had deteriorated. We cried all along while we were on the road. My mom and dad were there at the hospital. They have been camping at a fellow relative's place. I knew I was going to lose him. Some nagging feeling told me that it is over for us.

When we reached the hospital, I remembered my dad clearly said to me in a tone full of anger, confusion and despair, "What took us so long?" Yeah we should have just taken the flight down. Stupid me. But I wasn't in charge. And this lingered in me til now. Why didnt' we took a flight down. We didnt have the money I guess. That is something safe enough for me to guess for now. Would it made the difference? Death was impending for both brothers. I was in denial. It was best for me. The hair was gone, the face was pale, the blood that was thrown up. I felt that there was more than enough time. But time was not on my side. Still I could not accept death and separation. That these persons were gone from the face of the earth. That I could no longer hear their voices. That their life has stopped and it felt that some part of mine that was interwined with theirs died along.

So when my dad passed away in his sleep, it caught me totally off guard. I was totally blown away from that news. Tuesday nite I was at the airport with the family sending off Jun to Melbourne. I was happy and just excited to be sending Jun off. On the way there in the taxi, my mom called me asking why i didn't come over to her place. I said I'm on the way to the airport. She said my dad was looking for Umar. There was a tinge of disappointment in her voice. I couldn't understand why bcs I was so self-absorbed. I said I'll come over the next day. But the next day I couldnt remember what happened. All i remember now is that I didnt turn up at the house again. My hubby had a shooting to do at the airport at 4am or so. 6.30 am I woke up for subuh. My mom called me. She said "I think ...I'm not sure but Abah dah takde". My world was gone then. I called my husband told him to come home straight. I picked my sister up from her place cos her phone line was cut. And rushed like a mad woman to the house. I couldn't accept that he had to go. Why now? Why the bloody hell that I didnt turn up the day before to the house. Why was I selfish? The days that passed by were so hard for me and the family. And I believe it is still hard for my mom. We lived by his legacy and his advice. That sort of keep him alive in us. At least in some of us. For weeks I could not accept that MY father was gone. I closed my eyes from time to time to hear his voice, see him in my mind's eye. Recalling conversations and things that we share. We were very close to each other. We have alot of things in common and we share passions and admiration for each other. I didn't know who to turn to, to help myself. I was seriously contemplating therapy.

In the end I found an online grieving support group. I joined and read newsletters and read entries by members who suffered loss and learning to survive. Life was awkward. Waking up everyday was awkward. I should just sulk until I feel better. Feeling anything even was just simply odd for me. I should just shut down for awhile. I felt guilty and I was trying real hard to appease myself. Giving myself reasons to move on. I didn't feel any better. I had to grow up now.

to be continued.....

thanks lun and ligo. I called the emergency line for the gynae. She called me less than 5 mins asked me to see her at the hospital.

Well went to the hospital basically told to rest and rest. Tapi gatal kan lepas hospital gie 'shopping' at parkway parade. at night i was tired and limp as a dead animal.

well i guess it is a blessing to leave that job. cos i guess bcs of it i was having all the cramps.

For now I'm just trying to re-organize this messy house. I think my hubby will get a headache cos i wanna buy so many things now! He might wish that i was working after all!

btw PGL is coming to SG this Nov. HOwever the stupid esplanade website does not work!!!!

freedom - george michael

24hrs ago i was working. at 4:30pm yesterday i resigned. I'm free!!! I feel like celebrating. Although there is hugggee guilt in me but i'm free. I feel like celebrating. I'm craving for geylang.

Geylang geylang geylang!!

wooo hooooo! i'll do a lun and shopping for umar! i dont feel like working at all now!! ahaks.. i might revisit this moment and think i'm crazy. but for now i'm free!!

free hugs today!

i'm resigning.

4pm LAPARRRRRRRR

ngantukkkkkkkk

Bila nak pukul 5 nie.... ngantuk nye. I can barely open my eyes.

Umar asked me why I have to work. Why I can't come home now? Umar and daddy go hospital just now cos batuk macam nak terbalik dunia. cian dia.

we'll see what happens later.

I may have soo much time ( not that there is nothing to do) I may blog more often!ahaks!

bukan salah ibu mengandung

I ate durian adelah 4 ketul last nite. 1 hr later i had coke 1/2 a bottle (the small one).. then the after taste is soo yucky it lingered even though i brushed my teeth and my tongue 3 times. I woke up this morning masih ade rasa durian!

Good thing breakfast at work was roti sadin goreng. delicious! i had 3 of them and a cup of tea.

then i realised that the keyboard is so dirty that i am cleaning with wet wipes!

Dah laparrr

I just realised that this dino-pc has no speakers!!!

Anak-anak pasca kemerdekaan

Just felt that this should be the opener for a MOnday! It was on my head since morning. Now I am at work. Just for the record. It's only been 3 days at work and I'm 30mins late for work today! Today is Umar's 3rd birthday too. No celebration though. He has the cough and runny nose. I hope I didn't miss any body's birthday? I think Cekmi was it? Kak Emmy? Thought of surprising you masa kat KL I guess you surprised me when you told me you were in Singapore!

His pet fish been dying on him. Now he has 1 survivor.

How's my new job?

Everyday I can't wait for the day to be over. I dread the next day. MY workstation is the size of a pea. MOst of the space is taken by by a dinosaur monitor. The thumbdrive slot is at the back of the processor. THe processor is under the desk and I can barely bend down because of pregnancy. The office is cramp like sardine. IT is a mess!

I hate the condition, I hate almost everything about this place - even to solat is inconvinient. THe only thing I look forward to is the food. We are suppose to eat in-house. So food is fresh and nice. I cant go out shopping or take a walk cos it's far off. Basically I hate this place. I am required to work Saturdays. I just told one of them I can't work Saturdays.

I hate this place. So there you go! Oh anyway I am still not clear about my jobscope.

what's for lunch?

Umar had a field trip two days ago. He went to the airport and a farm. He came back with a bag of fishes. All excited and happy about his field trip. Two days went by 4 fished died and we have 3 left.

Just now I asked him does he want to eat lunch? He said yes.I want fish! I was laughing! He wants to eat his own pet fish!! YIPES!! Yuckyyyyyyyyy. I asked the same question and he was really serious about eathing those fish. hahahahahha.

My son

My son Umar has been asking me for a coupla days already in fact since the day we came back from KL, he asked me "Are you happy?" A simple question it caught me off guard. The next question that came "Are you smiling?". Even in the middle of the night he would ask me this question. He asked me these questions literally everyday. Of course asking him the same question would not help. Maybe that's the counsellor in my son *wink*

He will be 3yrs next week. His question may show he is aware of my emotions which i'm kinda avoiding it. Today - this morning i sent him off for his excursion, and he didnt have a waterbottle. I felt really horrible because it'll be a long day for him. But i told his teacher about it. She said she'll give him some water. But that still didnt't make me feel better. I came home i realised that the state of my house is far in a mess than it was when i was working!

So am I happy Umar? I don't know. I am happy. I am just confused. Because I dont know what decisions to make and decision making nowadays is just not easy as it used to be. I wish am I the sort of person who just ride with the wave. But I am not. I dont want to be in a state where i have to figure out whats gonna happen next. I wanna be in control.

I dont know whether i should work, should I take on a maid, will i like the maid? what's gonna happen when the baby comes, will i be 'cheating on" my employer even though the situation wasn't what i foresee initially.

It's just too confusing for me right now.

tak sangka

memang tak sangka dapat berjumpa semua blogsahabats. I must thank WTL for being such a wonderful host cum co-ordinator. Thanks for taking your time to be with me and my family, wtl. I dont know how to pay you back but hehehe you and I both know I have volunteered to be your spokesperson.

I must say somethings about the sahabats

Zuhri - i segan nak berbual dgn u... ahaks.. tak tau apsal.. I honestly appreciate you coming eventhough you were tired. Sorry to hear that you had eye infection. Byk kenyit mata kot?

Cekya - You are such wonderful person! You have a wonderful personality and a good eye for everthing (ehemmm.. harap gambar kitaorang tu dah siap di-air brush.. letakkan sikit lipstick on me! ahhahahahha) Thanks to you Cekya.. really tak sangka tak termimpi dapat berjumpa dengan you.. and thanks for the effort you made. Dua kalipulak tu!

Cekmi - You are wonderful ... kesian asyik kena buli je! I honestly didnt think you were that small! ahahhahahahah. NIce tan and nice hair cut. Good sense of dressing. hahahahaha.. sempat I_mshe observe nie semua. YOu have a wonderful character and an amazing person.

Tatot - though you are known to be 'professionally' late but thanks for your presence at the dinner. Jetsetting huh! must be a workaholic!

Azell - though we hardly talk but i think Cekmi described you correctly. Paris Hilton. Sesuai. Thanks for coming. Didnt know u lived soo far... thanks really appreciate your presence.

Awan - *sigh* you look cute. Ahaks! Honestly. Take from a mother of 2! We should have sat in a round table so that we could talk more! (swear i'm not flirting!)

Lun - you should FORCE LOVEY to comeby to KL. Jump the ship! If you really tak sure can bring me and the family along!! We dont mind going to KL again!

Ligo - U2! all of us should hope on the bus and go! it'll be an expereince. p/s :nanti i update in total of the visit to Kl. sekarang tgh penat. Hope i didnt miss any1.

Apakah matlamat kita sebenarnya?

Apakah matlamat kita bila kita berteman?

Apakah matlamat kita bila kita berkahwin?

Apakah matlamat kita bila kita bergelar ibu?

Apakah matlamat kita bila kita memegang jawatan isteri?

Apakah matlamat kita bila kita bernama anak?

Apakah matlamat kita bila menjadi hamba?

Apakah kita menghamba? atau dihamba?

My uncle is in the hospital after an accident..things turn up worst. There is some flesh eating germs eating him up.. na'uzubillah. it was a simple accident turn worst. It is Allah's will. Now fighting for his life the docs can't do anything but wait for life or death.

I wanted to visit but my family said no due to my condition and my health. I pray that Allah help him through. Amin.

My colleague/friend had a miscarriage. Funny thing was that we were comparing tummies one time and she was wondering mine was bigger than hers. She had not gone for check-up which i advised her to go ASAP. Gynae visit didnt turn up well as gynae said something abt baby not growing. 2 weeks later, i heard she had a miscarriage and now resting at home. Allah help her. It's just sooo sad.

Apakah matlamat kita sebenarnya? Mendo'akan, menjadi penawar hidup seseorang, menjadi teman perjalanan di dunia supaya selamat sampai di Akhirat. Kita adalah insan yang menggendong ihsan - yang pada waktu ini dan saat ini kita berbakti tanpa mengharapkan balasan atau favor.

We are the change that takes effect in some one else's life.

1st day at home

My 1st day at home - was outside of the house. Met up with LUn and Ligo. Great lunch you guys. Ligo after kitaorang shopping i balik rumah mabuk and nauseous. Agaknya baby tak suka shopping tak? or manja nak shopping pelan2x. I thot we weren't really hyper sangat .. i didnt expect to get taht reaction.

Anyway, travel agency kata no room. I need to upgrade to get a room. Add $135 more. Hmm mula2x ingat tukar hotel. I think i shd tell me hubby just take lah i belanja the $135.

I cannt sleep. Its almost 5am. I dont think it was the mocha Ligo. I had stuffy nose suddenly and just could not sleep as I have difficulty breathing. Nak buat ape eh to get rid of this? Arrghhh.. soo irritating. nanti belum 5 or 6 mths hidung dah selonggok pulak. dah tak jambu.

Oh yeah Lun and Ligo kata next week that CELEB tu nak kawin soo kecoh lah kat KL. Sibuk ahhh.. i dont really care. But dont mind the fun kalau terserempak.

Ahh good news. WTL now beeming with happiness and maybe alittle worry lah eh? Agaknye camne nak bukak langkah seterusnya. You know I sangat setuju with mamat tu.Tapi beringat2x lah WTL. Soal hati nie. Kita let Allah guide us eventhough we have our own feelings abt it. When we let Him lead and we put our trust in Him insha Allah whatever the outcome is will be easier for us to accept. Soal hati memang complicated sikit. But it's lovely feeling rite now! I think u have byk opportunities to bukak langkah you. Just the response kena from the other party tu yang nak kena timbang. Friendly2x lah eh?

Penat ah... bila agaknya batuk nie and this hidung tersumbat nak hilang.

Ah ligo - just came to my mind. Sesuailah you jadi minah tai-tai. *wink*

*sigh*

I went for interview last nite.

I accepted the offer eventhough i know my heart is not in it. Am i desperate for a job? I came back home feeling sick of the whole process and just wanted to quit working ever.

I dread the 1st day. Maybe cos I had a bad experience that is clouding my judgement of the working environment. I hope and I pray that things will be better. Well I tell myself, People out there are looking for ajob and can't find one but me I didnt' look for it and it came to me.

well I hope 2 years isn't long. That's how long I wanna be there. I have made up my mind.

My concern is also what's gonna happen during my late stages and who's gonna look after the baby when it comes and just the whole juggle and confusion about childcare and household management. I just can't imagine it.

Maybe I should have stayed in my old job. Friday will be my last day. But I realised that deep in my heart I just needed a break from it.

The whole situation just killed my mood for KL. Sorry WTL.. macam malas gitu nak gi KL. I just feel like sulking and crying.

Help.

comtemplations

"Jarang-jarang" kata arwah P.Ramlee ........ dapat visit from Awan. :) Rasa sejukkk jap.. eh.. apa yang sejuk.. rupanya aircon! ahaks!

memang niat nak update. cos berbagai telah berlaku. antara nye:

1. soal hati vs. soal minat

Yelah. Bila soal hati nie.. susah sikit. Allah saje dapat menyelesaikannya. Jadi itulah usaha ku. Selama beberapa hari.Mungkin apa yang tak baik bagi kita adalah sebaiknya dari Allah. Mungkin ini cabaran pertama menjadi ibu kali ke-dua. Tapi rasanya Insha Allah kandungan ini macam strong person gitu. Don't know how i can form that idea but kata orang.. maternal instinct. :)

Anyway, Monday pagi ade meeting the company. Nak discuss contract agaknye. Do'akan ye? Apa yang terbaik dari Allah.

2. office colleague gue

Ingat tak kakak citer tentang teman ofis yang susah benor nak handle? dengar citer dia dah tender. Hati kecik nie jahat... ia berkata Alhamdulillah... is that the right reaction? ahaks. Can't help it. Me boss memang takut dengan dia. Tak tau kenapa. Bila I was assign to supervise dia ..memang susah.. i saw talent and potential.. tapi orang niat serong. Ingat kita nak musnahkan karier dia. Like I always say "I've got better things to do in life" and this is not one of it.

So bila dapat another boss atas kepada boss yang sama kepala otak dengan gue.. rasa lega sikit. Cos it's not me who needs to explain the nonsense. That person will show it for herself. True enough it was shown. Bertegang urat big boss and si deknie. so big boss not like other boss. firm. tak lembik macam tahu.

so in the end, the last urat tengang (alhamdulillah waktu tu umar sakit, so i was on child mc.. Allah protected me).. she submitted her resignation letter to small boss. Abih tu bila nari came back to work.. i saw ad advert for that position. Laju betul dorang nak put up advert? I asked myself.

Well we see how the drama unfolds.

3. Minat

Haritu.. ade vcd buying frenzy. Antaranya I bought, fourbrothers (excellant 'hood story). GUBRA. which I tell myself should not be compared to SEPET eventhough it is suppose to be a sequel. I like the cleric bit more than the orked bit though. I couldn't feel orked's character was developed enough. The cleric's story bit was clear and sound.

But my very favourite is "Le Grande Voyage". Should be watched by any person muslim or non-muslims. For the basic reason of human relationship and the capacity for repentance.

Yang paling tak tahan ialah mamat nie yang bernama Nicolas Cazale. His hair eyes and lips are simply delicious!!!!!!!!!! Excellant performance to Mohamed Majd. You can feel him in your fathers. and you can see your father in him. I think this movie has made it to my all-time favourite movie. I think i will look out for movies by Ismael Ferroukhi. Simply excellant!

Do watch it. You won't regret for the rest of your life.

3 in the morning

I have been sick for the past coupla days. Thanks ligo for asking. I have completely lost my voice today. I went to work (yup was working on Saturday) without voice and I realised that I have zero energy and could barely survive work eventho it was only 3hr work. Later on today, I have to get to work in order to pass the registration list. I dont think i could work since i have completely lost my voice and my throat sakit giler all the way to my left ear. Just like how it happened the other time.

I didn't suspect my cravings i mentioned earlier were due to anything biological. Well I just found out last Wednesday that I was pregnant. No wonder the crazy stuffs. So far alhamdulillah no morning sickness. But since I found out I was pregnant I got sick. I could only eat in small portions cos I get easily filled. So un-fun to think that I love to eat. Went to Fig & Olive on Thursday with hubby cos it was his birthday. I barely could finish the 1st sandwich. And I burp alot! A lot of air/gas. So far no food appeals to me.

The only thing that appeals to me now are books! I am reading the history of Malay/Muslims in Singapore from 1819 - 1965 a series of readings. Cool stuffs! I've been smsing a few people asking what good books to read. WTL gave good suggestion. Sorry girl didn't return your call the other day. Cos Now I have no voice. Let me recover and return your call.

Gosh I wanna go to KL - is the haze bad down there? Cos I easily get breathing difficulty and cough and discomforts.

I haven't been to the gynae yet. Don't know when I'll do that though. And I'm gonna start my new job!!! arggghhhhhhhhhh!!! I guess I won't get maternity leave.

I'm pestering my hubby to get driving license. Cos now WE DO NEEd a CAR! I don't wanna go around with two kids in a taxi. It'll be soo leceh. I'm not really a stay at home person I usually like to go out eventhough for a short trip with my son. So with two kids soon, don't know how my lifestyle would change. How has it been for you Ligo? Forgot to ask LUn - when are you due? Base on my calculation I'm due in April 07. Let's hope its 070407. Cool huh!

Oh and the other thing that appeals to me are furnitures and household stuff! Went to IKEA the other day bought 2 spaghetti jars and a lamp. I'm hungry now.

Saw queen size bed for umar. I'm now not sure whther to get single with roller bed or queensize. Need to ship him out of my room. We also need to re-do the other room cos it's like my hubby's office room. Need tomake do in this small house. Although this pregnancy caught me by surprise and I was totally unprepared for it but i do hope it's a girl. I did the online gender predictor it did say it'll be a girl. So let's wait and see!

challenges

When we want new challenges is truly 'new' challenges that we want? We are always presented with challenges everyday - chasing the bus, getting irritated with the taxi driver, getting cheated by the salesperson.

what is it that we want?

Today I am given a new challenge. I don't know whether I can accept this now, but may be Allah knows that it is time for this challenge. I feel it is tough but it is Allah's decision. I'm quitting my job because I wanted new challenge. Did I want this?

Allah knows best. Dear me, take care of yourself.

hari nie

After my so called home visit, I sempat singgah ke IKEA. I sms-ed LIgo who called me. With specific instructions on how to get to IKEA!!!

I bought some stuff for Umar (film strip) I saw some bottles and tea sets I wanna get as well as lamp but i get it later with hubby. Bought knife, alat pembukak tin (whatchamacallit?) and frames. All $73. ouchies. yang mahal is the frame.

I thought of getting langsir. just like what ligo did ( did you?). I 'm also looking around for some1 who can sew for me cushion cover. any1??

And I sneak back into the office with my stuff. Big boss takde, small boss in her cubicle. tak notice langsung. ehehhehehe.

wonder whether i could do such things later on at the new place????????????

kata kata kita

My son gives me hugs and tells me he loves me. Before he goes to sleep, when he is in bed, he would look at me and I look at him. I kiss him when he is sound asleep.

World Cup - I am rooting for FRANCE!!! abang2x aku! Stupid me I made an appointment at 10am. Urgh I seriously hope that i can be awake.

Hari ini went to see a friend who just gave birth to a girl. Lun u know her.

I'm craving for something i can't seem to point out. Food?? Book?? Shopping??? I think it's all of it.

I realised i'm not like 'other parents' who leave their kids to play with other kids while they chat with the adults. My eyes would wander to look for my son and make sure he is within an eyeshot.

It's a beautiful morning - we all deserve to be in bed

Yep. It is. And I am the first to be at work. Still dark and rainy. Just perfect weather for me. Today I'm not fasting cos I'm getting a breakfast treat. I realised that a certain kind of tea makes me cough and wheeze. I'm a tea fan though.

My current obsession is whether to convert to a smartphone or just get a plain organizer. Smartphone expensive .... plain organizer is expensive as well. I don't want to carry around when I'm out with my family the smartphone. that's why i want to detach away from it. My friend said that Palm is not so good. I should really think of investing in smartphone cos she said'it's the in thing'. aiyo. leceh.

My day is pack today. I need to do some early packing of my stuff cos they are going to 'renovate' my workstation. Well finally! Did you know that I've been owning a broken workstation and it could fall and break anytime. Hazard isn't it? But due to cost savings I bear with this broken workstation for past 21/2 yrs. Wonder how my new workstation would look like?

Somehow deep inside me I don't have high hopes of a good equipment. I just hope they have good working PCs.

Well I need to sort my work.

Last day is 27 Aug. That's a sunday which means friday the 25th is my last day.

*argghhh* I almost lost my composition! Tertekan delete button.

Good thing for the recover post button.

ARUGHhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I lost a whole bunch of words that I was typing. MY feet accidentally turned off the bloody switches!!

I'm in no mood now to update. 5 secs ago i was typing more than 200 words!!

urgh

I have a craving ..to shop at Takashimaya, and to either upgrade my handphone to a smartphone or just get an organizer.

pheiitttssss *sticking out tongue* to myself.

Selamat Hari Belia

Memandangkan aku masih belia walaupun tak diberikan official off.. I officially "took off" literally and figuratively.

Semalam semangat cuci all cadar, clean the house, had 3 cycles of washing. Really took advantage of the hot sun. Went out late afternoon to survey for divan and single bed frame. Lupa nak angkat selimut and mattress protector that was hanging outside. In th emiddle of the nite it rained. Well that's another reason for me to wash all over again.

I love washing and hanging out clothes.

Terima kasih atas sumbangan semangat and sokongan anda. Suppose to give my answer today but saja kasi suspense. Besok boleh ah. We got 2 new staffs joining us today.

Ligo nak keluar shopping and tea? Tapi kena tunggu gaji ah for me. That means after 23rd. Lun wanna join?

Later on nak pergi Birdpark!! Yippie!!! I love animals. Hmm maybe animals in captivity! SICK!

Selamat Hari Belia semua!

semalam

Semalam

I had briyani for dinner. Jeles korang makan briyani. HEheheh so pergi Chettinad Curry. for the 1st time. very traditional indian restaurant. Chicken briyani dia sedap. Very light taste. The masala tea was alittle disappointing. Cos I expected strong masala taste tapi mungkin dia kasi salah.

Semalam

Korang ( Lun and Ligo) kecoh beremailan. Riuh rendah email I. Thanks. It was fun.

Semalam

My boss had a chat with me. Rasa terbalik dunia. Kesiankan dia. I really feel that maybe I could put my interest aside and go thru with all my colleauges. She said there is going to be a big void. If I truly wanna leave, they have to get some1 to understudy me or one of the staff to understudy. I had to sms to another fren to ask her help to remind me why I am doing this again. Is it bad to say that I wanna leave so that I can come back and serve better? Does it look bad coming from an employee? What would the employer think eh?

She said she don't want me to leave if its for sentimental reasons. If its to learn somethign new. She asked where the place was and if they offer same flexibility. I just kept quiet and in a daze. Lepas tu I rasa sedih dan semacam guilt gitu.

I love the family atmosphere here and the togetherness. Eventhough its sort of contradicting with the politicking environment.

Semalam

I asked Allah's help to sort my mind. Whether leaving is rite thing to do for me, my family future Iman health and wealth.

ngantuk

Today

Today

On the way to work I was going thru my mind i was waiting a little spark in my head of a hint of doubt.

It didn't appear.

Today

Unlike other days, I dress to kill. Usually when I dress to kill it is to cheer my self up.

Today

I cried in front of my DED. Too emotional. But don't what to do. Just cried.

Today

Is the biggest decision in life I made. Cos its a lot of change.

ARgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I don't feel guilty. I'm starting to miss everything and everyone here.

I'VE GOT A JOB!!!

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!

I'VE BEEN OFFERED THE FULL-TIME JOB!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Tadi macam orang giler jap. I emailed the lady in the morning nak check status ape jadik. then after 1 hr she called me. She told she emailed me tapi i bilang tak dapat.

Neway long story short, dia and i berbual itik and ayam story. Dia berbual pasal full-time offer I thot she berbual pasal part-time and I said yes to part-time cos I said I understand lah kalau dorang takde budget untuk fulltimer. Then she said "Huh?? U accepting part-time?? (she macam confuse giler gitu)" I said yes. But we are offering you fulltime" ( I almost terpekik kat ofis.. tapi I went to another corner in the office) I told her I wish I could scream rite now I'm soo happy thank you!!!" gitulah minah nie tak kira sapa orang tu sondol je. Was being myself. She too was happy that I said yes. Alhamdulillah. Allah showed His guidance. Thank you Allah. Thank you fellow friends who do'a for me. Thank you.

Lepas tu terlalu excited was thinking sapa nak ku bilang other than my family. Of course the fellow bloggers jugak *wink*

Thanks for listening.

Memang

Memang dah beberapa hari pasang niat nak update blog nie. Tapi tak ade kesempatan langsung. Monday and Tuesday lepas on leave. Monday gi cycling kat east coast. tapi gue tak tau cycle. Dah lah jadi sarkis bapak mak dengan anak on 1 bike. tapi it was fun. abis tu hujan pun turun. tuesday. ingat kan nak gi cycling lagi. tapi hujan satu hari patahkan niat. So me and my mom gi shopping. hahahahahah. Hmm sejauh nie dah sejak GSS dah 3 shoes i bought untuk tahun nie dah 5 pair of shoes! tapi semua below 30 dollars!! woohooo. Hai teringat lun. abis tu bila jalan je nampak kasut tangan gatal nak beli. tapi tahan myself.

I bought my 1st teapot! sejak kawin lebih 4 tahun tak de teapot. pakai handme down. i've been eyeing this certain teapot sejak last year. abihtu bila nak beli dah kehabisan stok. so bought another one. Sekarang tgh kemarok nak carik satu set smal teacup and saucer sets, white color. My colleague told me kat Joo Chiat ade. Hmm bila ade chan nak turun Joo Chiat eh?

Wed and Thursday I had conference. Tapi Tuesday malam dah sakit. Wednesday tetap gi conference tapi bersin macam nak terbalik. So Thursday MC dok rumah. Nari at work. Tapi malas nak kerja. Jap lagi ade meeting. Nari rezeki. anak buah bawak lunch! ehehhe

Last sunday gi tengok sesame street. Tak pasal2x terasa nak nangis. Abis malu sorang. Macam terasa re-living my childhood days gitu. But I love the show. So did umar!

I have 1 week left to give my answer to those people who offered me the job. I did counter propose a fulltime tapi belum ade jawapan. Sekiranya part-time well I dont;t know.

Let me list down the pros of taking the job part-time or full-time

-new environment - i need to grow, learn new things, find new challenges. Challenges posed over here at my current job doesn't excite me anymore.

- part-time - kalau part-time bermakna gaji kecik tapi more time with my son. Save money can cook at home. Can do more wifely things and take up courses on my own since I own my time.

- Working with children with special needs and their families - its what i like. passion. i feel the community is barely scratching this .. dont have no1 to champion the cause.

Cons

-kurang duit - tak mencukupi untuk keluarga eventho me hubby kata tak pe. we try.

- jauh sikit- kat bedok. mungkin duit transport pakai lebih cos pagi antar anak sekolah then rush to work.

arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggh its a tussle between family and self interest.

lun - sunday madrasah.. well i try no promises cos ade wedding and open house. but wd love to be there.

pros of staying at work

- hmmm.. flexibility... ade time offs

- pay current enough for family and savings insha Allah.

cons

- no interest in current work. I feel overloaded. dulu tak rasa gini.. tapi sekarang macam nak muntah rasa.

- hate boss

- will have to work weekends as part of new schedule.. may not like it cos means no time for son. already hubby working fulltime weekends.

- company no directions.

- hate politics.

- hate handling the politics.

Oh Allah pls tell me what to do.

Cerita ku

I got a job offer. Alhamdulillah but it's for part-time position and 1 year contract je. sedih. too short. but the job is something i wanna to do and the group are the people i wanna worked with. I made a counter offer. Susah. Last coupla days i've been having a hard time juggling decisions. Does not help that me hubby is fickle. Macammana pun i have to make the best decision which would benefit everyone and maybe not me. Mungkin kena sacrifice ke... tgk ah camne. Of course the paycut is tremendous. Teruk giler.

mamaemmy came and went i guess. terlalu sibuk the last weekend sampai terlupa that she was in sg. I suppose she had a great time shopping. Me still doing my shopping bila ade peluang. Me hubby down with some odd thing. Tadi gi doc buat biopsy. Suddenly i am worried and takut. Results lagi 2 minggu.

This weekend Insha Allah gi tengok Sesame Street. Yippie!

Lun - how u and the baby? Are you going for the Hi-tea? Pergilah. Can catchup :)

Ligo - amacam snow? Hariz ok tak?

WtL- my one and only gal. Miss you.

I feel like running away to KL. hahahahhhah. I need a break.

Pray for me that I get this job full-time (if Allah wills it). if i am desperate they offer me part-time pun .. may be i mite just take it. may be......................................................

i got a new aunt.

I got this 'new aunt'. She lives far in penang. I 'discovered' her last nite. while bloghopping.

Auntyn. Check her aunt. The cool aunt/makchiks who blogs.

Thanks for calling mamaemmy. Makes me wanna go to KL. Glad to hear u r coming over to SG. Let's meet if there's a chance.

Ligo - dentist? how?

me at home with umar. he's sleep. gotta run errands. later.

maghrib

it's maghrib and i'm at work. This is to prepare for this sunday's event. So far been working weekends since like hmm last week. This weekend thing will last up till mid june. Unfortunately for me june tak leh ambik cuti cos bosses semua takde. so kena jadi jaga jap lah.

visited some blog friends webbies. nampaknye ade yg tak update macam aku jugak. busy kot? LUn dah sihat? Dah nampak tummy? I macam rindu dgn u ahh... (ova!)

The Great Singapore Sale update is excitign for me... cos it'll be my first time contributing to the 'economy'

so far I've bought

1 pair of jeans (sponsored by hubby)

white shirt

cinnamon sticks the huge ones

bunga palsu dan pelik

baju for umar

eating alot ( hmm kenapa takde great singapore food sale eh?)

the ring that i wanted (the cheaper one at bugis) rupanya ade faulty. nasib tengok dekat2x jadi tak jadi nak beli. I'm looking for chunky rings.

I do realised taht I need a good holiday break maybe in end june/july. WTL jadi tak nak datang SG? Ligo amacam?

they will be advertising to get some1 to help me out. hopefully this person is a fast learner, creative and efficient as well as good with people.

extreme stress

Thanks LUn for liking my sajak... its just came out just like that. Boleh dikatakan this is my 1st sajak! hhehehe... it was due to extreme pressure at work.

Past few days the Idiot was getting on everybody's nerve and upsetting everybody. I was just waiting for time when it was mine. Truly as i anticipated, idiot walked in tried to find fault with my invitation cards to guests. I just kept quiet don't want to say any word at all.

Rupanya Idiot ade simpan dendam kat aku. Dah lah event round the corner and ade presentation on monday belum buat, Idiot called me just b4 my meeting just now. I told myself that I need to keep my mouth shut and not say anything. Limit my verbal contact with the IDIOT.

Idiot was trying to about one of my staff and his choice of words betul memandang rendah. Truly elitist. Bukan saja dia memandang rendah pada staff aku tapi dia jugak sekaligus hentam aku. Aku tak cakap ape2x tapi bersetuju dengan kata dia.

Tak pernah aku rasa terlalu marah sampai migraine datang macam nak pecah otak. Aku blur and bengang tak tau nakbuat ape setelah keluar dari opis Idiot tu. Aku turun bawah masuk opis ku balik... i need to protect my staff and me. Aku bilang staff tu aku tak pernah nak pakai perkataan F tapi nari macam sesuai untuk melepaskan marah yg meluap.

Aku rasa idiot is out to ruin some of our lives and it is intentionally done. Memang teman satu opis dah kena everytime dorang bersua muka.

Aku dah tak tahan lagi. Aku balik ambik my son.. I was shaking sooo bad, I had chest pain and migraine. Aku telan dua panadol extend. Somehow it's not working on me. Usually tak sempat aku raise 1 finger dah berdengkur dah.

I called me hubby in taxi on the way to pick up son. Hubby kata sudah berhenti saja. Cos its affecting my health.. and in the long run my sanity. Hubby kerja balik lambat... i only had my sis to vent out.

Well looks like Allah has better plans for me. Insha Allah. I pray my exit will be safe and smooth. I hope the idiot will not try to create trouble even as I am making my exit.

Date of self-termination 23 May 2006.

kat opis

kat opis nie macam giler

Ketua giler

sabo pekerja

kat opis nie macam macam giler

kurang pekerja

banyak kerja

kat opis nie macam macam giler

ade yang tak satu hati

ade yang tak cakap sama sendiri

kat opis nie macam macam giler

lebih baik jaga mulut

takut parah akibatnye

update: the position I applied for .. they emailed me yesterday telling me that they have some problems and can only get back to me in mid june or end june. Semalam gua mood swing terus malam2x , nak tido. me think hubby dont understand me feeling told me not to get upset.

am i not entitled to sulk at least for 1 day?

dah lama tak update.

• Honestly I've been ultra busy. I barely have time for food even. Just work eating me up.
• Oh yeah I'm catching up on food. Remember the choc craving. It didnt' go away. After the throat infection horror, I realised my throat will never be the same again. And i think it's got to do alot with my teeth - the other time when I had horrible teeth encounter eventho I'm a toothbrushing freak (teethbrushing!). I'm catching up on Mrs Field's actually. Yummy eating them while typing. I had horrible news that they were closing down! I almost wanted to email the lady who set it up in Sg. So today I had the opportunity to go to the Paragon outlet and asked them about it. Nope they are well and fine. *phew* that was close!
• Any ENT docs out there?
• Went for a job interview. And I am oh so looking forward to leaving my company now! Cos I wanna work for these people!I'm just soo looking forward to a part-time worker life! All these bullshit about workplan. (read entry by lunacy who commented what moojik wrote on workplan.. which is pretty true)
• Ah - I need to read up on new blog entries. I mean all these while I dont even read other people's blog link in people who I commonlly read their blog. Boy that's mouthful for me to type.
• Great Singapore Sale - this Hari Raya ( bayar utang blum abis .. dah pikir hari raya) I will embrace the GSS. I never did ever join the GSS. I saw WMF periuk that I wanted. Tapi I realised the periuk is quit light for stainless steel. tapi the cover okay. Ade sapa tau camne nak beli periuk bagus? Neway kata orang GSS is realy cheap. I've already made my shopping list! *wink*
• speaking of shopping - i saw this ring i like. $215. Then tadi went to bugis saw another ring I like also $59. arggggghhhhhh... tough! I like both. I need to see them both again! ahahha
• I need jeans.
• My house is infested with nyamuk! I got bites allover.
• Ooh during me throat infection week - i broke my glasses .. tak sengaja. *sigh* and the following day I received a call for interview scheduled the next day! dah laa rabun buruk! Had to used contacts. Argghhhh sakit mata. Neway due to kesilapan kedai tu, I'm going to get another pair for free *wink*
• Note to self - never bring umar shopping. He can make u go broke!
• I hope to tender my resignation by end of May!
• *burp* i ate 1/2 a large murtabak and 10 pieces of choc chips! yipes! brush teeth!

been sick

Been sick lately. Infact still am sick. I have throat infection and there is ulcer deep in my throat. It affects my ear and my hearing. When I eat or drink it's so painful. Well.. now i'm back at work. Cos it's friday. 1 working day left. Not looking forward to work. maybe because dah lama tak kerja. sooo liat. and there are piles of paper on my table!

*sigh*

besok gi vote. amacam lun?

stretch

Sejak di "tinggalkan" oleh my colleague, ( i read somewhere that supervisors tend to have this feeling betrayed once a supervisee leaves them.. neway) tiap2x hari balik rumah my bijik mata soo dry no moisture. I barely take breaks and work alittle extra minutes nowadays. dulu 6pm sharp je dah keluar ofis tak tengok orang kiri kanan.

since last week kita orang kat opis infact the whole organization been bombarded with last minute preparation of workplan. So since monday I've been having good food. ( bukan nak cakap pasal the workplan eh!) Today the finale was briyani. I never like mutton briyani tapi today's mutton briyani was superb. the kakak kat sini pulak buat air bandung. Ape lagi!

and i've been eating chocoloates like mad. Selalu tak cam gini.. dont wanna second gues myself lah. *wink*

I didn't know that syah was gonna leave. aiyo .. dia gi mana??

i've been having keen interest in Brangelina's story. last citer dia main kayu 3 and Angie caught him read handed. Somehow mamat nie takde backbone lah! macam lalang.

Oh I'm craving to read a good book. Insha Allah kalau ade kesempatan nak gi library besok waktu lunch.

I badly need new wardrobe and new pair of jeans.

And I talked to one of the trainer here... my life still no directions but i am keen on studying. and maybe (i can say 65-70% sure) that I wanna study.

And somehow this workplan made me give this place anotehr chance. Actualy been giving this place more chances since January and its almost mid-year. what does this mean ah?

Welll.. tomorrow's friday. and it's good.

where's everybody??

LIgo- sorry totally forgot abt snowie's b'day sooooo sorrryyy. Umar had been sick since thursday. I'm on child mc today. When u called the other day i mcm tersipu2x sorang2x kat rumah. macam dapat call dari boyfren gituk! ahahahahhahah

TD - wanna know your comments on me previous entry.

Cekmi - u too.

Lun - need those lunatics bits in my life.

mamaemmy - its good to know that i'll always have somebody screaming her head at me once in awhile.

WTL - you're my girlfriend!

what went thru me those days...

Some of you know that I have issues going on at the office. It's kinda resolve but not really the way I wanted it.The mechanism was in place but not really how I hoped things to be right now. Respect has to be earn and I know at this point in time my staff dont respect me and is being forced to do so by the powers2b. And that's now how a relationship should be in the office and I'm not that kinda person. I wish things were normal.. yes yes yes of course coupla entries back I wished that she would quit! ahahhahah but there is value in each human being and there is a reason for being. I do not question that. What ever the situation is, I'm still not happy cos it's just not the same anymore. Honestly I dread going to work everyday. It was bad when the issue wasn't resolved. Now is equally as bad. Although my sleep has improved slightly.

Saturday - I had a mission. I went to Borders bookstore. I just need to find Girl Interrupted. They don't have it. What a dissapointment. I went to Kinokuniya instead. They have 2 versions! wow! I don't know which one to get but of course I bought the cheaper one. Hmmm I have to agree with TD on this. The book is an insight on a person being committed to an instituiton, the experience, the persona at that point in time. How being institutionalized does to a person, back then diagnosis was pretty haphazard. And Ray Charles was committed there too?? for his coke addiction?? What was good was how Susanna Kaysen bluntly writes her view of people, system, politicis - the ecosystem around her. She was the eye. And you can feel and as if you can see what she was seeing. And I very much like her description of suicide, the feeling, the ending, the death, the process. it's very well articulated. I do hope to read more of her works. It's beena long time since I've had a chance to be in touch with me again.

Speaking of me - LOST. I wished WTL today happybirthday. BTW happy birthday again WTL. May Allah bless you and bestow His mercy and love to you this day and forever.

Okay back to me. WTL said that we do get into confusion sometimes in our life. I recalled what Cekmi had to go thru. Though I don't really know what he was going thru.. maybe the feeling of confusion was the same, maybe the uneasiness of confusion and lost was the same.. but the be able to reach a point of breakfree is a big relief!

So what do i know. I know I dont wanna work at this company anymore. BUT! where do I go? what do I do?

Don't u mothers out there feel confuse? I told my husband that it's different being a woman and married and having a child. The changes are just soo drastic that men cannot comprehend the feelings. They could listen and try to understand but they could never fathom. What. So we end up juggling our roles? IS that IT? What's the road for me? I don't know. May be i should just take one thing at a time. or plunge? I don't to juggle I wanna know my mission, what banner am I raising? It cannot be simple bcs this is life and I need to know my street the street I'm taking myself with confidence.

My husband said that I used to be the powerhouse girl - corporate stuff. Now I'm not all that. Where did that go? Gone the moment I had gotten marreid and had a child. NOt blaming these events but they do have a huge impact that I have lost myself.

This feels like as if I'm going thru vocal purging! ahhahahahha

Susanna Kaysen - diagnosed with borderline disorder at the age of 18 (gawd knows what that means. She was admitted due to depression) once said

"Every window of Alcatraz has a view of San Francisco".

How bad can things be?

I feel encouraged

I feel encouraged by the fact that i got 2 people reading me blog again!. Thanks Lun and Hot MamaEmmy.

TBC.

Motherhood Interrupted

Lun asked me to start blogging again. It's not like I've stopped intentionally just plain busy to start writing. Lun hope you don't take to heart whatever I said. Sincerely hope you are okay. Today is different because I can't be bothered to work just taking my time with work. Ligo called me.. her voice reminds me of an 18yr old. Can't imagine that she's a mother of 2. congrats Ligo. Again. Ligo reminded me of the Inaugural BLOGFRIENDSMEET06. Scheduled to be in May. I can't say much about it right now.I must disappoint the rest of you who are looking forward to the meet. But what I am glad is that there has been some of us who have met each other and had a good time. Great. Girl Interrupted - First time I watched the movie. Excellent. Intriguing. Just like The Awakening. For a person with Borderline Psychosis she is an excellant writer truly mystique and keen eye- sharp for details. What she said says some truth. Unfortunately the libraries here has small listing of Girl Interrupted the book. Wonder what's happened to people like her. WTL - didnt' get a chance to talk to her fully. How u been girl. I went to JB last thursday. WEnt to Tebrau City. Love it. Reminds me of you and how we spent time. I miss you soo much.I wish I could get a hug right now. Need more time to explore Tebrau City. Motherhood Interrupted - went for Papsmear for the 1st time. Arghh I feel weak now. Psychosomatic?? or real? Neway I feel pregnant because of it. Hungry - waiting for Nasi Ambeng How r you today?

disapointment

Why is that i'm really disappointment with the people around me? Why I can't trust any one? Time to go I_mshe.

Why do we choose to be hypocrites? In self defense? To protect ego?

Why the lady smiled at me tell me bad news .. someone died. Sometimes our body language does not match what we say. Sick.

I am tired with this kinda people. I dont see any hope in this organization any more. I have useless people who are coward, two faced. Why can't be true and fight for what's right? Or am i just too idealistic?

Superman syndrome.

My heart rasa tak tenteram... donno why... Here's to the women out there and the women in us and the women around us. One Flaw In Women > > Women have strengths that amaze men. > > They bear hardships and they carry burdens, > > > but they hold happiness, love and joy. > > > They smile when they want to scream. > > > They sing when they want to cry. > > > They cry when they are happy > > > and laugh when they are nervous. > > > They fight for what they believe in. > > > They stand up to injustice. > > > They don't take "no" for an answer > > > when they believe there is a better solution. > > > They go without so their ! family can have. > > > They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. > > > They love unconditionally > > > They cry when their children excel > > > and cheer when their friends get awards. > > > They are happy when they hear about > > > a birth or a wedding. > > > Their hearts break when a friend dies. > > > They grieve at the loss of a family member, > > > yet they are strong when they > > > think ! there is no strength left. > > > They know that a hug and a kiss > > > can heal a broken heart. > > > Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. > > > They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you > > > to show how much they ca! re about you. > > > The heart of a woman is what > > > makes the world keep turning. > > > They bring joy, hope and love. > > > They have compassion and ideas. > > > They give moral support to their > > >; > family and friends. > > > Women have vital things to say > > > and everything to give. ! > > HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, > > IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Umar's first day of school

Yeap. Finally I had the courage to put him to school. It was more of fear my side. He's too young still a baby not ready yet. Then last week me and hubby realised that he *could* actually get bored.

So off he went today.. his first day of school 3hr programme. It's gonna be kelamkabut on my part but I think it's a sacrifice i need to make. I send and fetch. this week I take time off to pick him up from school and then dropped him off at my mom's.

I haven't had proper sleep lately. Work has been bothering me.. not work but issues at work. I had enough of it today and decided to email my hr about it.. though he was on mc. He was kind to call me 1hr ago. told me to have a good nite rest. I have been falling sick none stop.

Today I felt like as if I've been stabbed in front right on the chest by my boss. I know now definitely i wanna leave. Boss is weak as in my hubby's words. just weak. scared to face the truth and stand up. I've been standing for what's right and she said she'll be right behind me and now suddenly its *my* personal issue. what the fish!If it had been personal it would be different for me. It would be my personal agenda!

God it's sad cos I've put in soo much.. soo much sacrifice .. my heart soul time effort it's not worth it. cos within split second she just destroyed it.. just like that.

I need to learn to react fast. Cos my emotional reflexes is slow. It had to sink in me then I can feel my emotions flow.

New mall at JB. Tebrau something... sounds interesting. Must check it out!

I wanna kiss kiss kiss till the sun goes down

my second half of the day with my son was pure indulgence. We were from one mall to the other. 1st city hall then bugis then tanglin mall. i love his company. i'm amaze that i could actually survive out there with him. no tantrums. i explain why we need to do certain things and he understood and move on. I bought 2 bedsheets and 3 pillows. I was proud of myself that I was acting like a true mother. We chose which biscuits to buy, we had a mother and son dinner. It was great!

I wanted to bring him to gymboree. but bodoh me, sampai the place was almost closing. And I don't even know how to explain that to him. so i beg the girl to let him linger around the place cos there were still parents and kids around. So umar got his 15 mins of playgym. After playgym we went around the mall and I saw some toys. I was the one who was excited. ON display there were two types of train on a track and four cute race cars on track. i asked him to choose which one he wanted. I was surprised that it was cheap. Only $10! We both agreed on the cars. Well it was more of me choosing the car heheh.

We got home i fixed the track with much care takut bende tu pecah.. ye lah $10. There must be a good reason why it was only $10. All tracks fix, cars ready to go, I turned on the switch and this is what I hear " I wanna kiss kiss kiss till the sun goes down" song that goes on and on and on . none stop! arrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh That explained the price!

mabuk

adddduuhhhhh.... mabuk sey kepala. information overload! ade sekor kawan ku talipon.. aku tgh ler busy. i gave another number to call raser nye kawan nie fedap dgn gue. can;t be help. cos i am really bengang right now. sorry babang.

i'm taking half day to be with me son. runny nose and slight cough. ingat nak bawak dia shopping. What a cure! tengok ah camner.

apsal selalunnye orang atasan kepala otak dorang lain sikit and tak tengok long term bila nak buat satu2x eh? is it a general disease contagious to orang atasan?

This one is for WTL, Lun, TD and those yg kerja keras

" I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted crazy then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My blonde co-worker asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was nuts and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days". I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her: " ...And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

8 things about Mr Perfect (not the greasy wrestler)

Eh! Cam tau je kita suka kena tag Enche Zuhri. hehehhe. Good distraction for me. 8 eh.. ish susah ah... 8 je.

1. Nice arms - sculpted, putih or warna teh susu with dark color bulu tangan (takkan blonde kan? oops TD might disagree!hehehe). yuck to some of you tapi cam sexy gitu for me. Nice bod also lah kalau dah sculpted arms tu.

2. Nice set teeth (takboleh porcelain veneers ah) with a great smile especially if I look at him from the side. He would have that 'balance' look on his face from the side profile. Abih biler dia ketawa cute gitu kan macam nak grab rasanye. Osshhh getting hot in here!

3. romantic and creative - sudah tentu. boleh mencairkan.

4. open minded - easy to talk to, a listener and listens well and listens with his heart.

5. well read - good balance in everything.. boleh ke pasar, boleh argue at the boardroom

6. stubbles - those stubbles especially kalau nampak green green kan...

7. dress well - who can carry himself with confidence and dapat menyesuaikan diri bila perlu dan pandai bawa diri bila necessary.

8. nails - clean nails please.

I nak LUn buat ..hehehehe *wink*

feeling down

When I am feeling down lately I listen to Anuar Zain. Tak tau apsal. Today I feel down bukan pasal my colleague nak leave. I think that is a reality that I have no control over. Its abt another one.. i can't seem to fathom manusia yang boleh have feelings of hatred when we had such good relationship. Tapi ye lah manusia.... dolak dalik. I have no hard feelings but it's just sad that this person choose to shut down. And why is it that I can have no feelings of hatred ke marah ke.. tapi lebih disappointment.. sad that things have gone this way. And this has been going on since Jan. And I'm not the sort of person who likes to keep grudges, simpan hatred and stuff like that. I'm a true blue HippiE!

Neway there are plans for me to move out of my dept and do more clinical work less administrative stuff. Something I love! But I have made some decisions which is important for my family. I need to move on and just take a break from the working world. Of course I will finish the load of junk I have on my plate. Maybe have some time to start something new with the new jobscope until like late May.

I had an overdose of Roti Boyan. Cam nak muntah rasanyer sekarang. *wek*

aku benciiiiiii

I hate it when I have sudden amnesia. I can't remember what happen to my bankcard, bus card and ntuc card (supermarket card). It's just a matter of 2 days off from work and my brain goes haywire. i swear i can't remember where i put it and how i made my last transaction. I think it was cash. i went thru my baju's pockets and pants.. dah cuci pun the pants. arrrrrrrghhhhhhh!!! geram nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

Hingus

I went to speak to my Deputy ED just now over some jobscope of a particular staff. I'm by default a klutz.. I guess I have improved over the years somehow.

So tak pasal2x aku nervous and start to be breathless. Then I start to be conscious of myself and I asked myself apsal aku nervous tak pasal nie.... then tak pasal i feel hingus ku termelilih.... ceettt di turun dari lubang hidung. Dgn cepatnya aku bangun and told my director hidung I gatal nak carik tisu. and cepat2x aku excuse myself!

maluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

hot

i'm slowly recovering from whatever u may call it. Mungkin panas jadi asyik lightheaded je. Neway I plan to enjoy life. Positively. Only I can make the change.