We've only just begun

Every 31 Dec I will always remember one memorable occasion that happended on the exact date abt 10yrs ago. I had a good friend. We were having our Japanese craze ..wait she was having her Japanese craze I was a mere follower. We came out of the library with the same book - Learn Japanese in 3 weeks (something like that) . I still remember some of the words I was regurgitating over and over again.

We were drunk in happiness because I dont know why maybe because of the friendship that we had at that point in time. We were walking under the train track laughing and feeling silly over ourselves. And then we saw this man looking walking opposite our direction. He looked kinda funny to me. He was doing something to himself. After coupla mins (boy I'm that slow) then it dawned upon me that his little friend was peeping out of his pants.

In our young foolish age we screamed the top of our voice. The man simply laughed and walked away. I guess he got his sexcitement for the day.

We went to the police station to make a report. It didnt help at all cos the questioning seemed to be unhelpful and I didn't get any sense of readiness of their part to help. We went home shivered and feeling hapless.

*sigh*

Happy New YEar all and take good care of yourself.

A weekend rendezvous

I can't find the exact title for my entry. What I can say is that it's a mix of emotions.

When the heart says something you should always listen to it. This is what I learned from A Poor Man's Book of Assistance. Just before I signed off my last entry I mentioned about something not being right. Well... this is how it all started.

1. the bus - what was promised to me and in written was a 40 seater bus. What I saw was a mini van which fit about 20 people. I thought to myself never mind take it positively.. it's a beginning of an adventure. True enough it was. I had a major backache because of the almost 6hr ride crammed in a small mini van. I can't imagine where to put my legs cos of the 'barely there' legroom. We

were the only ones the picked up from Tampines then picked up a group of 10 at Bukit Panjang (the other side of SIngapore). So 13 of us crammed in a minivan 6hr ride. Why 6hrs? Because the bloody driver had to dropped 2 couples at Malacca Century Mahkota and we spent 1hr cos he and the other idiotic guide (what's the purpose of the guide I don't know cos she spent the whole journey talking to the driver - where did she find the energy to be such a blabber mouth?) could find the way there!

2. Tiara Beach Resort - a major disappointment. Sorry Zuhri should have listened to you and take your offer. Enigma nagged at me for a good 20secs. Ya okay I should have listened to you guys. Well the webpage lure was good. SOme weird rules they cooked up

- you cannot ask for extra towels unless its been used and its wet (exactly what the guy said)

- no such thing as room dining. You have to go to the Terrace. Then I understood why I see families with pots and pans and extra loads of towels (see below)

- They have iron but no ironing board.

- Most holiday makers go up to their rooms wet and sandy. The lift contain sand and 'sea'. Can't find the towel people and there was no rule on getting back to your rooms dry.

- The Terrace - we had late lunch. Since nothing was familiar we ordered what was considered as safe to us. and that was Pasta. (how hard can that be?) NOw when I ordered this I had to explain more than 3 times to the girl. Was I speaking in an alien lingo? No I bet not. But Ive decided to still give this girl the benefit of the doubt - she could be illiterate.

- oh yeah the room. It's awfully huge with nothing inside! As you enter the room to your left would be a wall to wall sink/cabinet. shoerack and nothing. Next is the kingsized bed near the window. And you walked in bit more it's like a living room for TV. oh yeah NO CABLE! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! ONly 2 channels and the reception is poor. We ended up watching japanese cartoons in Malay and Berita.

- I checked out the next day immediately after contacting WTL. Cos I was looking forward to meeting her in Port DIckson. TOld her that we are coming up to KL and need her help with hotel. The blessing was she wasn't going to PD. I was a hesitant with the $180RM taxi ride to KL but if I had no choice I would go for it. Alhamdulillah WTL was my life saver. I owe her soo much I just don't know how to express or repay her back. She was a good host, it's like we knew each other for donkey years and we are good buddies. The blessed girl drove for 2hrs from her place, was caught in traffic jam and drove us to the hotel for another 3hrs (cos hehehehhe LUN you would know why. :) WTL has excellant driving skills). She was there all thru out the check in and the room was great and she made she we were comfortable and all.

Okay the weird thing about Tiara as I was about to counter checking out was the lady said " Ma'am you have to pay RM$22 for something you took at the Terrace." I was ready to jump on this girl and de-skin her. I asked her what is it that I took. She couldn't answer and she said that's it Ma'am! MY blood was boiling! Blooddy rude and irritating. I told her that I only requested an extra bed nothing from the Terrace. In the end all was clear I paid her my due and as she as ready to buat bodoh I asked for my receipt (Gawd dont these people give receipts for payments!)

So my nightmare was cut short from 3D/2N to 2D/1N. Don't care about the payment I made. I just dont want to know anyting about PD anymore. Will I ever visit PD again? Maybe when I'm senile.

NOW KL was the MOST happening with WTL around! Gurl This girl is an energyjunkie! Man you don't know where she find the energy. I'm home now and I realised how sore I am. Yesterday we spent the whole day shopping at 1 Utama! I love this place!! If I ever more to M'sia I would move to Bandar Utama. OH yeah I told WTL we're spending only 1 nite in KL. 1 nite ended up to be 3nites in KL!

KL was also happening because of Enigma. The sister whom I've not seen for a long long time. It's sooo lovely to see her again and talked to her. Thanks for the gifts! Umar loved the teddy. I will find a matching ring to wear with the bracelet (hehehe over!). OH yeah we could meet up with Kak D in May.

GAWD LUN! We ate at CHILI's! Bangsar!! WTL suggested the venue. It was great. Bangsar is lovely! BUt Stupid me I had headache cos I walked inthe rain (eventhough I had the umbrella in my hand). Me desperately trying to get a bus back to Singapore. Of course la susah nak dapat. Kerja giler. So it was stupid cos I ordered pasta AGAIN at CHILI's. rugi. I ate some of WTL's lamb .. something. was delicious. and the chocoloate banana smoothie was sooo smooth! OH and the starters was .. god I can't remember the name but it was heaven!

of course KL wouldn;t be happening without my understanding hubby who took care of my son giving me space to spend time with WTL.

Saturday sampai KL almost 3pm - checked in and went to KLCC for shopping and makan. KLCC was too crowded.

SUnday - woke up real early for KLCC again without WTL. cos felt guilty for saturday. so gave her time to rest. Met up later on and started our kerja giler of looking for busses to SG in the rain. and learning that her driving skills can be superb. hehehehehhe. Then off to Bangsar smsing Enigma waiting for her. Poor girl was working on a SUNDAy and It's a public holiday! had a good dinner with her and WTL.

Monday - wokeup real early again started the day and ended the day at 1utama with wtl. She is a freak! In a good way! She shrieked, we shrieked over CD, food, lots of food, coffee, tea, clothes, more clothes, Padini, and more Padini. We shrieked over soyabean drink,sushi. the list is endless.

Tuesday - *sigh* back in SG. boredom has begun. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What I learned from this experience:

• Wear good walking shoes no matter what.
• Good friends make great experiences.

Goodbye!

Friends

I'm working till 1pm. Going home after to get some stuff for tomorrow's trip. Can't believe I'm going cos everyday i'm thinking about work.

Ligo and LUn - sorry can't go tiffany today cos My son no 1 look after. Kalau petang sempat I call LUn then we meet up.

I'm off to Port Dickson at 6:15am tomorrow. Wish me safe journey guys. Will be back on Sunday. MOnday nak gi Sentosa pulak! ehehhehe

ONe more thing I think there's gonna some trouble. Pray for me ah.

Tiffany Ring

Every women dreams of a Tiffany Ring (do they? actually?). My first bonus I bought myself a silver bangle. I wear almost everyday since the day I work till now. And I never polish it not until last coupla days. I've decided to polish my silvers. They still look as good as new.

What is it about Tiffany? I don't want a Lucida. I fell in love with a ring which I saw about 6yrs or so ago but I forgot the name. It has a mother of pearl in the middle wrapped in silver. It's chunky. The othe one is a black stone in the middle. I went to the Tiffany website. It's no longer there.

I thought this year I would buy myself a Tiffany. Hmm maybe I should just drop by their store and see what they have.

B.L.O.G.F.R.I.E.N.D.S.M.E.E.T.0.6.

AGENDA.V.01

Sapa yang di invite:

1. Sapa yang korang kenal. Yang aku kenal limited jek-

Malaysia

- Zuhri

- WTL

- Cekya

-Danny

-Enigma

Singapore

- I_mshe

- LUnacy

-Thedreamer

- LIgo

So you all boleh add on the list lah.

2. Plan

1. Lepak/sembang

2. Jalan2x

3. Makan

in any order as you please.

This is just a meeting of nice people at a nice place for a good time. It's free and easy. Kitaorang yang dari Sg kalau nak naik satu bas boleh book sama2x. Melainkan korang nak spend time with your own family jadi you ols gi dululah. The only itinerary is the M.E.E.T.

3. Hotels

My suggestion

1. Vistana

2. Concord

3. Legend

4. Grand Seasons

4. the M.E.E.T

Venue :

Cafe/restaurant at the hotel we stay or

Subway (terkilan) or

Olio Dome (kat KLCC yang aku tau)

atau some nice place friends kan have good food and good time.

B.L.O.G.F.R.I.E.N.D.S.M.E.E.T.0.6.

Friends

It is my great pleasure to announce the inaugural

B.L.O.G.F.R.I.E.N.D.S.M.E.E.T.0.6.

in Kuala Lumpur on *27 May 06.

Friends from Singapore are recommended to stay in a common hotel for the ease of movement/travelling. Please suggest/recommend hotel to stay.

Friends from Malaysia are recommended to suggest place for M.E.E.T.

Please confirm your availability by 30 January 06 to almasyi@hotmail.com

*Subject to change due to availability. Macam real je.

MY afternoon inspiration

This inspiration is taken from http://thesplinteredmind.blogspot.com/

I Could Get Where I Was Going if Only My Mind Weren't in the Way

I've been wondering how to tackle today's column since I'm experiencing what I call the "slow tick". Whereas most people think of flailing arms and jerking necks when the word "tic" comes to mind, slow ticks are like being played in slow motion. There is an odd disconnect in my mind as I am aware of what to say in realtime but my mouth has a hard time keeping up. Walking becomes fun as well.

Brain: Shift to the right. Let's avoid that wall.

Me: Wha?

Brain: Shift! Shift!

Me: The wall?Boof!

It's not quite unlike wading through jello. I can see where I need to go but the world is all woogily and I'm unable to get through it with any manner of celerity. But get there I do. I refuse help whenever possible. I'll be darned and knitted if I'm going to let this stupid disability get in my way.

Don't be fooled by my bravado. The disability gets in the way all the time. Like this morning as my sweet four year old tried to help me out of the bed so she could go to school. I was moving, but in slow motion. No chance to make the bus so Nana was called and a ride was arranged. I don't drive when I'm like this. Where did I win? I force myself to move. I got that precious little angel changed, dressed, fed, and ready to go. It took me longer than on any other day but I did not let her down.

Today's column isn't about me, however. It's not about how amazingly cool I am for pushing through disability to be Wonderdad. This is about disability ~ or life's obstacles in general ~ and how we need to fight to meet our goals. To sit down and let apathy win the day is to give up on nobility and settle for mediocrity. Like any obstacle, disability is only in our way until we figure how to get around it.

People with ADHD tend to ruminate and self-flaggelate because of failure. They can see the goal line but get distracted within feet of it. Then they get so angry with themselves. This is failure, isn't it? This is stupidity, no? To lose the race for want of a few feet and an attention span? Likewise, people with severe depression miss opportunity after opportunity because they stay home in their dark caves away from others or at worst they are unable to do anything except feel sad, so overwhelming are the waves of despair and misery. They get more depressed in response to these seeming failures. But these disabilities are not failure. They are obstacles. Sometimes it seems we use creative reasoning to keep our self-esteem intact when trying to allow for setbacks, but we play by different rules than others. Most people I know don't have random moments when they can type just fine but can't speak on the phone, but how does it profit me to constantly compare myself to people who can walk and chew gum at the same time? We shouldn't beat ourselves up over events and circumstances we have no control over, no matter how disappointing the affects may be on our lives. We need to keep in mind what our goals are. To be famous? To be rich? To be popular? Or to simply succeed? I can't say that I don't imagine being more well off financially, but I'll settle for success. It's not settling for less, though. It's being realistic. We can't run before we can walk. We can't jump to the top of the mountain. However, we can take one step at a time to get there. I am determined to be financially successful, but I need to overcome various obstacles to get there.

Remember, disability is only an obstacle when we can't get around it. Taking one step at a time is a way of pushing past our limitations and progressing despite them. This is what I tell myself when I am feeling down for not being able to dress my daughter in time to catch the bus. This is what I tell myself when I miss a self-imposed deadline. I don't settle for less. I don't make excuses. Instead, I refine my goals to be more realistic by adding more inbetween steps to them. It's how I keep myself on track and I highly recommend it to anybody overwhelmed with what life has thrown at them disabilities or not.

In today's case, I couldn't have anticipated ticking this morning, but then I stayed up late working on my kids' podcast so there is blame to be laid there. Insomnia acerbates my neurological maladies. I'll keep that in mind in the future by planning better and deciding it is more important to sleep than to finish the project. I'll also keep my doctor's appointment today. I'm seeing a neurologist for the first time and I don't want to miss this appointment. I don't know what is in store, but I'd like to pin down what my limitations are and what's causing them so I can get busy moving around them. I've got a mountaintop to reach.

~Douglas Cootey~

I'm sleepy

I'm sleepy. Takde orang ke yg visit me blog? Tak de orang respon my comments below. I'm full. I feel like ular sawa. Now I can barely open my eyes. I have interview at 3pm. *help*. macam nak ambik bantal tido jap.

LUn - u know what? Next year kalau kita plan gi KL sama2x boleh buat gathering with fellow bloggers. Jumpa for lunch ke? Yang lain tu siapkan tempat mana nak pergi. Satu jemput Lunch satu jemput dinner satu lagi tea. Gemok lahh aku! hahahahah

amacam?

ARGH! URGH!

I took urgent leave today because I had no one to look after my son but myself. And amazingly I forgot that I had a scheduled meeting at 3pm just now. The phone call came and I conveniently said that it was tomorrow. Until the lady on the other line said nope it's today cos it's 13th! How embarassing! I apologised and was honest with her about my situation. Oh well.

I have found my second favourite romantic-comedy movie. First was My Best Friend's Wedding and now is Guess Who; a remake of old comedy "Guess who's coming for dinner?". I think Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac make good partners. And I couldn't stop watching the movie. Ever since I got the cd inmy hands I watched it like 4 times (that is too much for my standard).

Where am I heading for this week? I'm still searching for that 'thing' that 'spark' that is missing.

For now I'm in the mood for home-made breadpudding and vanilla syrup. I can't remember how to make it though. Hmm I'll look it up later. Just glad to be at home now. OH yeah LUn I did try the one at Delifrance. I like it minus the ice cream.

Oh yeah this is really really cute. My son was playing by himself earlier on and he started singing "Somebody come and play with me" from Play with me Sesame .. I was torn between laughing or crying! But I joined him in singing and playing.

One thing good about blogging is that.. it gives me heads up on things and that is due to the people I meet here. Thanks a bunch guys!

In randomness

• Zuhri - I was busy but not doing the appraisal. I finished it all last week. This week is just reports.

• thedreamer - I don't know if I am okay. Actually if you guys been reading my posts, I've been feeling 'funky' lately. Yesterday when my boss announced some new things for the dept, I wasn't thrilled at all. In fact, i felt depressed. I felt so down that I cried last nite. Not because of me. Hmm maybe it is me. My drive is gone and that saddens me most. I was banking on getting that other job. Hopefully Insha Allah I really really really really hope to get it. But I realised I shouldn't wait for it. I have some plans but GAWD I dont have the money! I want to do business not in Singapore. I wanna get out of this country! It's depressing me. It's depriving me. Honestly I feel like shit. I wanna study too! I really do! arggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

• I should shut up more. Listen more talk less. I hate what I'm doing now. I hate the lack of drive! I don't feel the energy around me. WHere is the direction. Of course I should not complain but I should sail my own ship. But Man! It's easier said than done!

• I feel like kicking somebody.

• I have this new habit. Been downloading music. Got my Anuar Zain. Finally. and Superstar by Ruben Studdard.

• How stupid can I get! I spent almost $7 on lunch and I'm still hungry! I shouldn't have bought soup!

• I'm filled with so much anger and frustrations! GAWD!

• Lun- sorry didn't return your call. Just filled with too much of myself last nite. slept early last nite.

Encounters with Papu and the familiar nenek

This morning I had to negotiate with my son. This is unfamiliar because usually I don't mind him bringing Papu along. Papu is his bolster which he was given by my mom. He has two of them and both are called Papu. Papu would accompany us during shopping, sleep, movie-watching, comfort for cries, wiping off food or oil around his mouth (this is not taught by me. It was his own doing!). But of course I don't encourage this.

So today I have to go to work and drop him off at my sis place. As we were at the door, he wanted to bring Papu - both of them. At the same time, he wanted to carry his own things which were packed in a nice small paper bag. When he carried the bag, he said it was heavy (Heaby - as he would say it). So I said that perhaps we don't have to bring Papu today because the bag was heavy. He gave both Papu to me instead to carry. (Amazing how a two year old can think!) So I said I can't bring Papu cos I have to take out trash. Papu will have to stay home today. He agreed with my reasons and he left them on the cushions. ehhehehehheheh ... cute huh?

As I arrive work, I do my normal morning rounds at the neighbourhood just to see what these creative people are selling. They do sell good stuff like the other day I bought this nice skirt for $26. comes with frills and lace. My breakfast (other then the one I had at home which was 2 slice of bread) I bought fried fishballs on a stick. Just to support fellow muslims who work hard everyday.

And then I was walking towards my office building, the familiar nenek said hello to me. I met nenek last year when she asked me where can she take picture for her umrah visa/passport. I bumped into her again on the same day. Very nice nenek. Today I asked her how she was doing and how was her umrah trip. She said she didn't go she wasn't well. Her eyes were really sad and blue. I wished I didn't ask her those questions. She said she no longer lives around the area as she moved with one of her kid. I said to her Insha Allah all will be fine with her own children looking after you. She said Ameen and said some do'a. Truly nice nenek. I remembered she did the same thing last year when I helped her with the directions.

Wow! Some people that you encounter in life are truly amazing and leaves you in awe because they are so true to themselves. Like nenek.

An unfamiliar loneliness

My own appraisal was done mid-day. Usually I would be enthusiastic, filled with desire to achieve and do better. Somehow I always feel that my own supervisor doesn't think i'm capable and i've always been 'marked down'. But then again I won't be where I am today I guess.

Post appraisal - it was totally a different feeling for me. I was feeling disconnected. It doesn't matter to me anymore. It doesn't matter to me if the organization wants to lift me to higher ground. I don't feel the drive. My drive is elsewhere.

I was soo busy I couldn't attend to my own feelings. By the end of the day, I felt lonely. My heart was empty. My passion for this place has died. I yearn for new things. I yearn for that dream job.

If I tell my husband, he say leave it. My mom say stay till I get the answer. I'm just taking my time till I find the 'sign' to leave. And I'm working like hell now till end of the month cos I need a good break! and I'm going to PD!

Another Friday

Hmm.. it seems Friday comes and goes too soon. It was just like coupla days ago I wrote under the header of Friday, today BOOM! another friday!

How has this week been for me? How has it been for us? You how my typical morning starts, here it is

1. alarm buzzes off at 6.30am. Wake up shower and pray.

2. I get my early morning smses from colleague - like who's coming late, why, who has to go where and when will be back, who is sick, who's children are sick, who has an urgent something to attend to and will be in late.. stuffs like that.

3. Breakfast if I have time, otherwise just take my time to get ready- iron my clothes (I dont like ironing the nite before.. simply urgh! cos i'm a resident fickle person)

4. Son's up - change him, give milk, watch Blue's Clues (if he wakes up by 7.30am). If I'm lucky usually he's done his stinky stuff in the morning and this usually happens when i'm all set to get out of the house. Shower him, change him again. Bag all the trash to take out of the house. Read do'a by the door while locking the house up out loud. So that my son knows what to read as well.

5. Taxi - I've got some stories on this but that'll be later. Wait on a taxi, definitely bump into my neighbour who takes taxi to work every morning. No sight of taxi.. call one. One usually comes in 10mins.

6. Call my mom - who send some1 to pick my son up from downstairs, then off to work.

7. Reach office - all dark, serach for lights, unlock the glass door gently (cos it is fragile.. don't want it on my head) quickly find the the disarming key before 60secs is up. *sigh* why would last person at the office put the key where I can't see with my eyes? It's usually camouflaged. ONe time I broke the drawer trying to find the disarming key. manage to fix it back before anyone else came.

8. Open officeroom door, turn on lights and aircon. give salam.

9. Anddd.... starts my day with checking mails (office and personal). Head for breakfast and my morning window shopping with all the aunties and the ahpeks.

10. Check my blog as well as other people's blog.

11. Start work for the day.

Back to my rendezvous with taxi drivers.. you know taxi drivers seems to know the insides of everything or is it that driving around gives them the foresight. Like:

1. Who owns the Gotham City lookalike building at Bugis. Where is another one of the exact replica is located.

2. What gonna be built at an empty plot of land.

3. Where did all the money go for SARS collection?

4. Where is the best makan place - cheap and nice. Halal or not is another story.

5. The sensitive gahmen stories they share with passengers.

6. Who is the Hangman's niece and stuff like that. These people are truly valuable resource to the community.

Ah well, I need to start working. What's on the Friday agenda? Let's see

1. It's 9:20am. Let's hope boss comes to work - cos I hate going for horrible management meetings. Its a stupid waste of time.

2. Appraisals - now what do you do with staff who don't want to be appraised or even do open appraisals? Any suggestions?

3. Letters - tonnes of it.

4. Reports - I've got 60plus reports to do by the end of next week.

5. Prepare for event on 17 dec.

All this will occupy my day as well as in between blogging and compulsive email checkings.

*phew*