Friday, December 02, 2005

An unfamiliar loneliness

My own appraisal was done mid-day. Usually I would be enthusiastic, filled with desire to achieve and do better. Somehow I always feel that my own supervisor doesn't think i'm capable and i've always been 'marked down'. But then again I won't be where I am today I guess.

Post appraisal - it was totally a different feeling for me. I was feeling disconnected. It doesn't matter to me anymore. It doesn't matter to me if the organization wants to lift me to higher ground. I don't feel the drive. My drive is elsewhere.

I was soo busy I couldn't attend to my own feelings. By the end of the day, I felt lonely. My heart was empty. My passion for this place has died. I yearn for new things. I yearn for that dream job.

If I tell my husband, he say leave it. My mom say stay till I get the answer. I'm just taking my time till I find the 'sign' to leave. And I'm working like hell now till end of the month cos I need a good break! and I'm going to PD!

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