3:29am

tak boleh tido lagi. bukan tak boleh. tapi dah terlelap at 9pm. i woke up at 2am. so up till now. currently chatting with a long time friend who is currently staying in london doing her masters.

Hopefully i will feel sleepy soon.

I borrowed Anuar Zain's sensasi collection. *sigh* no original had to burn to a copy. Nothing beats owning the real thing. im listening to the songs over and over again.

Alhamdulillah i found a part-time helper. She will start next week once a week until i deliver then she will come daily for 1/2 a day each.

HUbby mite be leaving for the US this weekend for 1o days. ARGH!

After a luxurious pre-natal massage early in the morning and a heavy breakfast at afghanistan just 30mins before that, I had my gynae appointment.

*sigh* depressing. baby in oblique position. maknanya. kepala tak ke bawah sangat tapi kaki kat atas. and the baby is small. skearng she is 2kg. Ntahlah bila dgr the news terus rasa down. I had my mom's company with umar and my nephew. Lepas tu kita gi geylang. I felt like wallowing in food. So i bought chicken briyani, kebab and cheekong. All finish.

Im waiting for hubby to come home to tell the full news.

dapat 1 je bedsheet. Itu pun rasa tak se syiok cos beli kelam kabut. Next week i told hubby that i need time for myself. He said okay... umm thus far. Takut tup tup tukar rancangan.

anyway. Tennis update. Korang mesti dah tahu Nadal lost.. totally out of Aussie Open. Not that I am a fan of tennis. ON and off tu boleh lah. But some1 gotta beat Federer man! He irritates me. Someone need to keep him down to earth. Feel the Earth Federer! I was hoping it would be Nadal. Tapi Nadal injury.

Oh well. MOve on. SG vs Msia. This weekend. Should be good. Maklumlah adik beradik kalau berjumpa tak bercekau tak sah.. love hate relationship.

Ingat nak bawak umar gi children's festival.. nothing looks appealing to me or for umar from my point of view.

*sigh*

oh yeah I got my mocha.

1.22am

I had an early sleep at 9am. All of us went to sleep after my mom left my place. Now im up and cant sleep.

So what can i talk abt? Anything under the sun moon and stars!

Wonder whether i'll have to time to blog with 2 kids ke tidak? I've been having major craving for coffee or mocha. I think dah sebulan. And I simply dont have the time or chance to get some.

Let's see. I'm 32 weeks and approximately 8 weeks to go. I need to

• get a haircut
• call contractors to hack my toilet vanity top and make a build in storage for my storeroom
• re-model the so-called office once i get the chance to
• call for part-time help. (this can be done this friday when my pre-natal kakak comes in to do massage). I'm really on my own this time. What if the part-time help can't cook or not independant enough to do house work on her own? I hope this will go well.
• Buy baby cot (this can be done in Feb)
• U know I am one jealous person ... hmm envious. I envy people who study. Another colleauge approached me for advise on courses. I'm soo *argh* about it. Will I get a chance to do this? How? Will I ever find me?
• I need to decide whether I should work full-time, part-time or non at all. I can only decide when the baby comes. Would that be the best time to decide on things?
• My hubby says im ultra controlling lately esp when it comes to him. Of course he has been doing the major housework he said that i freak out when he goes out of the house. I wish he understands more what I am going thru. It seems like my explanation tak pakai gitu. I'm too dependant on him on little things even he said. Which he doesnt want me to be. Entah eh.. maybe this is my adjustment period. I'm not as mobile as I used to be.. so I need him more. Mungkin dia rasa rimas dengan my clinging-ness. And suddenly he wanted the baby to be out soon. Which i feel it's questionable gitu. Apsal i tak tau lah why i feel like this.
• Oh another craving - is a holiday.. a break. Just wanna sit back and relax. Do nothing at all. Now everyday I sungguh bercinta nak keluar gi kerja.
• Other expensive cravings include - a new camera, handphone and a smart organizer.
• I need 2 sets of bedsheet. My hubby gave me some money to spend. I told him I barely have free time to do this cos our schedule is as such where i rush home to pick umar and the rest of the day is spent with him till hubby comes home from work. Nak go to the store to get groceries also tak terdaya. I can't manage with umar. Unless my list consist less than 5 things to buy. My energy is almost zilch.
• Eventhough I share with him babycenter page on my development. I dont think he could fully comprehend whats going on with me and in me. Anyone of you feel/felt that?Which is why he demands more from me i think.

...................................................i_mshe

Hazards

Selain dari nama town.. and a song by Richard Marx... I can't help but say that there is some hazards being married to a non-local.

I tell you from this morning.. orang asyik take advantage of us.. or maybe I'm the overly sensitive lot.

Oh before I go there, did I tell you guys I told off in a nice way my neighbour upstairs. Just now, they had some reading blasting off their sound system. I can't sleep at all. My poor hubby had to search who (hoping it wasn't them) to tell them to turn it down. Ah yes. It was. I then realised tolerance, patience and understanding are tough things to do as a Muslim. I must learn not to swear and curse. I don't do that actually just at these times I'm extremely sensitive.

So back to hazards.

We went to take Umar for a haircut. Malay barber. It took him less than 5 mins to be done! I went to the store to get something for my throat and I came back I saw them out of the door. My hubby's face was really annoyed. It was half pass job that he did. He said I should have stayed to tell the guy in the language that he knows that it was not properly done. I said you should have told me rather than leave immediately. Cos only in the taxi i noticed how poorly his hair was cut. We were the ONLY customer he had. What am i dealing with here?? mindset??? what am I dealing with in this community??? Of course my husband didn't keep quiet. He told the guy who was in denial.

We had lunch outside so-called restaurant. First thing they serve while we were looking at the menu was kerepek belinjau. Of course we ate happily and moved on with out order, we also ordered another set of kerepek belinjau. They didn't send the ordered one however billed us for the one the put on the table when we came in. I looked at the bill and told the guy who took down our order that he should have told or even have the courtesy to ask whether we want the kerepek belinjau in the first place. SOOOO what am i dealing with???? Another type of mindset!!! BUt I am going to report this.

Taxi.

Driver drove like a mad man took us less than 7 mins to reach home from the airport. SUPer fast wasn't it. The driver SNATCHED the money from my husband and drove off. This one my husband will take care.

Breathe imshe breathe.. no i'm not having contractions... but can't we have a decent day where things happen right?? For now, I don't expect that in Singapore.

lupa

apa ye nak tulis eh.. tadi ingat sekarang dah lupa.

Almost got myself into an accident tadi. Me in taxi hujan lebat, balik rumah dari ofis. The taxi i was in turn right into the small road which will lead to a carpark entrance on the right. Kat depan kita ade mini van. tak pasal2x mini van nie ambik kiri.. start to slow down. Ahpek nak ambik kanan so that he can go left, tak pasal2x mini van nie dgn sedapnye belok kanan.. lagi sikit teksi cium van. Alhamdulillah takde ape2x.. nasib tak terberanak dalam teksi. Ahpek cool giler.. tak marah pun. Gue yang marah dgn kakak bertudung merah membuat keputusan nak belok secara tiba2x tanpa warning.

Itu satu hal.

Anak ku Umar, kita orang kaki gaduh .. tapi mungkin nowadays ku takde energy nak marah dia.. dia pun naik kepala. BUT.. nowadays bila dia cakap word 'mom' .. terlalulah cute. Slang dia abis slang bapak dia.

Hal ke dua.

Semalam tgk hubby's friend's wife bersalin. Baby girl. Tak sabar nak unload rasanya. The biggest surprise was to meet an OLDDDDDDd school mate. Namanya panjang... korang (lun & Td) boleh teka tak sapa dia? Nak clue? Nama dia ade 7 syllables.

Lagi satu hal.

Old School Mate nie tanya soalan yang dah jadi satu kebiasaan aku terima. Is that your husband? Hmmm next time ade orang tanya soalan nie aku akan jawab "that's my live-in boyfriend of 5years. We are expecting another child". AHAKS.

Hal terakhir sekali.

I want to sell my cybershot. Umurnya hampir 2tahun. Get a better cybershot. AND i finally made up my mind that I want Palm Tungsten (backdated tak?) for my birthday LAST YEAR! memandangkan i dont know what i wanted so ade rain-check lah.

Belum abis.

Bangau2x yang berkeliaran around my area nie.. suka take flights in group. Sooo lah beautiful.. Macam aku tinggal kat Amazon.

Okay dah abis. Leave your comment eh?

!!!&*%$@@*&*&!!!

Im having a fit right now! I called my hubby more than 5 times he didnt answer!!! arghhh! Every time I want to ventilate he is NOT THERE TO ANSWER HIS PHONE!

I am frustrated and pissed with the neighbours!. Next door let her kid cry EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Damn her. Im gonna tell her off. And the people upstairs do this EVERY *bleep* time! I cant get peace and quiet around here!!!! What the hell is wrong with these people!!! THey drill, they bang for god knows what reason!!!!!!

I cant sleep.. cos im a light sleeper especially day time.. and I cant read a descent islamic book bcs I am SOOOO DAMN BLOODY ANGRY!!!

@#$&@&!!@*&%$^#*!!!!!!!!! to you all!

Mobility

Yes. With almost 30 weeks in sight (what is it with me and the word SIGHT), mobility is surely a skill I appreciate most at this point in time. And I realised that from the very beginning of the pregnancy I have been less mobile. I envy Ligo for her mobility even with 2 very young kids. I can imagine she 'swishing' (with sound effect) from one place to another and at times scolding some ahpek for their oversight.

Hmm come to think of it maybe I should name this girl with some words that has to do with mobility, agility, grace, fore-sight. That would surely be appropriate since I was almost immobile for the first 5mths. Regaining strength at 5mths and now coming back to a full circle again that I am back to being in bed after certain activities.

Well if that is the case, what best can I do while in bed? Lemme see..

• I could sleep of course - that is on top most of the agenda.
• Read a book / newspaper/magazines
• Stare at the ceiling, looking for cracks so that I could finally tell those bloody *bleep* upstairs to shutup. I could bring this up finally as a cause to HDB.
• Look out for dust/bugs/geckos
• Eat & drink in bed
• Play with Umar
• Exercise like taking small steps to the toilet - takes less than 3 steps to reach there .. I have to do this bcs we all know we could get bedsores.
• Daydream
• Surf and chat with me lappie
• Talk on the phone
• No I dont have TV in my room so forget about watching TV.
• Fold clothes while in bed.
• Clean the floor from the bed!

Well I can't complain much more as it is expected that from 30wks on I will experience lethargy and tiredness. I do appreciate now the companionship of a big butt for 40 weeks. It ease you in bed.

Yes in fact! I could suggest to the govt do have BB Day out! This would surely a worthwhile investment for them to encourage more babies! And we all know Big Butts are signs of fertility. THUS we should rejoice nature's gift to US! BBs are IN!

Anyway, back to reality.. I got go Pee.

begin

The start of a new year I had a conversation with an old friend. It was emotional, touching and real.

It was Umar's first time going to school on the school bus. We are still adjusting to that fact. I had to control my tears letting him go. We share more kisses hugs and laughter nowadays. What a joy!

I thought initially to work on a few minor plans I have for myself this year. I had mentally prepare myself to be a stay at home mom. Well, I may do that part-time. I am enjoying free time in the afternoon although with this pregnancy my movement is alittle restricted. *Sigh* I actually thought of going to Batam for the weekend. Somehow I shelved the idea.. although I kinda regret that now.

What I wish for in 2007 (although it doesn't matter to me that it is a new year it's just a sort of a new day with new beginning)

I wish for more time with my loved ones. It is an effort I have to make.

I wish to re- learn/re-discover my passion.

I wish for a better Earth for everyone to live in. Although this sounds very MissUniverse-y but we should put our heads, heart and hands to make this more liveable.

I would want to attempt to take driving lessons and get a license and I pray that I don't harm any living being.

With the rain in sight..nothing is more beautiful than the sight of the ever faithful egrets (bangau). I saw more than 20 huddling up together and as if they were observing silence or some form of prayer. All of them stood really still for some time.

And I would want to attempt to cook more at home.. be more wifey you know.