My son

My son Umar has been asking me for a coupla days already in fact since the day we came back from KL, he asked me "Are you happy?" A simple question it caught me off guard. The next question that came "Are you smiling?". Even in the middle of the night he would ask me this question. He asked me these questions literally everyday. Of course asking him the same question would not help. Maybe that's the counsellor in my son *wink*

He will be 3yrs next week. His question may show he is aware of my emotions which i'm kinda avoiding it. Today - this morning i sent him off for his excursion, and he didnt have a waterbottle. I felt really horrible because it'll be a long day for him. But i told his teacher about it. She said she'll give him some water. But that still didnt't make me feel better. I came home i realised that the state of my house is far in a mess than it was when i was working!

So am I happy Umar? I don't know. I am happy. I am just confused. Because I dont know what decisions to make and decision making nowadays is just not easy as it used to be. I wish am I the sort of person who just ride with the wave. But I am not. I dont want to be in a state where i have to figure out whats gonna happen next. I wanna be in control.

I dont know whether i should work, should I take on a maid, will i like the maid? what's gonna happen when the baby comes, will i be 'cheating on" my employer even though the situation wasn't what i foresee initially.

It's just too confusing for me right now.