• 10:50pm - usually i'd be asleep at this hour .. once all the kids are asleep. Tonite.. I just some time to myself.
• My maid application approve and a sudden rush of anxiety overwhelmed me all day. I hope it goes away. May be this house is a little cramp for 3 adults and 2 kids. whatmore a stranger and some1 we need to learn to trust. It's a tough thing to do.
• We wanted umar to continue having his privacy while hubby maintains his home-office. However, no matter how we work the numbers, umar had to give in. Hubby needs his home-office space. I talked to umar about it.. I told him that we are going to have a helper living with us and helping us out with household chores. I asked him whether it's ok to have the helper sleep in his room. He did give it a thought (I'm amazed at this 3yr old!). He said its okay. I said we try this arrangement if its not comfortable for umar we have to sacrifice the home-office room and have some other form of arrangement
• When I got married, I thought a small house would be enough for us. I didn't think we'd go as far as having 2 kids and a helper living with us.
• When hubby suggested we get a bigger house, I told him I love this house... and I kinda like our neighbours (our age with young kids) . I just can't do it right now. However deep in me I would wanna move BUT it has to be a private property. Why? Not that I want to boast that we could afford (we can't at all!) but it's a dream I would want to achieve. Living in a house not a pigeon hole (eventhough I love the one I have)
• My other dilemma - now that there is a maid - should I work fulltime or remain part-time and work for hubby the other half. I would prefer doing the latter. Of course the question is whethr we could afford me going part-time.
• I was initially against the idea of having a maid but after the illness, it's a need. I can't force everything on hubby.Enough of stressing him out.
• It's been a month since i last watched tv. Nuha and Umar take up most of my time. I'm too pooped to watch anythng or even read the day's papers.
• Umar asked why the doctor have to cut me up ( I don't know who told him about this). He asked me this numerous times. I gave same asnwer everytime. To take Nuha out of my tummy. I said he came out the same way too.
• He asked me anymore Nuha while pointing to my tummy. I said no more.
• His choice of words are really cute - like he would say words like "uncomfortable" "cosy" "hibernation"
• I gotta put him in some reading class. He loves to spell eventhough he can't make out the words!

Nuha 1 mth

Its weird ... and amazing how you can fall in love with a child.. especially your own. She is 1 mth today. I had a few colleagues over for lunch. My helper is great help.

Oh some updates.. i'm going to get a full-time maid. Lun.. i didnt get a chance to call your cousin as i had a transfer maid.. seems to be a whole lot cheaper. Some glitches rite now. Maid will start in July. That's the time when I start work back.

A former colleague saying how much he loved his new workplace... hmm in my heart i became confuse.. i thot to myself maybe i should just move on rather than stay at the same place for convinience sake. Anyway one of these days need to go back to office to do some stuff.

Oh yeah my new hp.. just like cekya's ... its almost 1 week old - i got to take it in .. everytime i make a call i hear a buzzing sound. irritating. and the camera has green/yellow tinge.

tomorrow im bringing nuha for her 1mth jab.. hep b i think. well... again back to the old confuse me.

Alhamdulillah after the most horrible time of my life i can safely say that I am much much better in fact i dare say that I am almost back to my normal health. Thank you TD for your generous reminders. Yes in fact Bilal bin Rabah is one of my favourite heroes of all times other than the great Umar Al Khattab.

Yesterday after a gruelling 24hrs of diarhhoea, vomitting and giddiness, Allah inclined me to visit my 'old' doc. Who said i was severely dehydrated. He gave me a jab on the butt and referred me to the hospital. Alhamdulillah at the hospital the doc put me on the drip gave me some more shots on the butt. I was out cold for 2hrs or so. I woke up feeling better but scared to say that I feel better. In fact I woke up feeling that I should get some food in my tummy! Okay Okay enough of food.

But yes I was thinking it is my kaffarah. Agaknye dosa aku byk curse people while I was pregnant with Nuha. Or with my own family members. Wallahu'alam. I was 'ready' to surrender myself eventhough half of me wanted to fight on. Whatever the outcome I must redha.

But most of all I owe it to you all, Lun, Ligo, TheDreamer, WTL, Cekmi and those who dropped by silently and prayed for my health. THank you Allah for giving me such wonderful friends! Thanks Ligo for also offering your service to me. I couldn't dream of anyone doing that for me! Thank you!

I'm back! Nuha is 3weeks old today(40-21 = 19 days!) My countdown continues!

BTW.. it's time to kill those itching curiosity http://sushita.multiply.com/

just a short update

Salaam

I had the worst week of my life. It was literally fighting to live. It was the angin dalam perut that was literally overtaking my life. My greatest challenge was even when I went to gynae after going to the emergency the day before things did not change. Wait, I think the greatest challenge was when MY tukang urut was down with flu when i need her most. It was the greatest challenge to find some1 who could help in times of need. I felt so confine, constraint, the pain slowed me down so much. I barely had any sleep for ever since godknowswhen. I barely took care of Nuha even. Eventually i gave up and called my mom and sis crying in pain. I dont wanna go hospital again cos that means investigation and stuff. My poor hubby felt so helpless and I knew he was damn stressed. I prayed to Allah to get rid of the pain out of my body immediately so that i could be with my family again.

Its been a week since the pain started. I am slowly recovering. I hope to recover fully very very soon. Help for baby care is rare. Helper only does housework for me.

Dear all please pray for the return of my health. I wanna be with my family and enjoy them. Right now is soo depressing not being able to enjoy their company. Please pray for that I be fit soon. I'm so sad to see my hubby so down and stressed with me being unwell. and that he has to take care of everything in the house.

OH Allah please please I'm begging you, please make me healthy again.

Salam again All.

Today i have major stomachache. Sampai bergulung2x. Since yesterday actually tapi nari semakin terok. tadi gi doc,doc kata terlalu byk angin. It was damn painful sampai terasa contraction again. I hope to get better.. argghhhh.

Duduk kat rumah nie macam tgh buat NEW YeAr countdown. Dah 10 days dah. 30 more to go! Tapi yang menghairankan.. tetap takde masa nak upload pics.

Nuha has been an owl. Siang hari macam budak baik malam hari main mata. But she has been healthy alhamdulillah.

This confinement is a challenge. I've been on my own even with a helper. My grandmother passed away when I gave birth to Nuha. And today another sedara passed away. My family has been busy with funerals so I have to fend for myself. Alhamdulillah gerakan Allah untuk dapatkan helper. Who is alhamdulillah has been very very very helpful and kind. Macam nak employ her fully but she doesn't want. Cos this way she earns more. Ye lah faham.. keperluan orang.

First few days and I think up till now I've been minah emo. Sikit2x nangis sikit2x keciiikkk hati. Sikit2x marah. Maybe cos I feel alone and lonely. Hubby of course has been patient and a great support tak boleh tercompare. Even tho masa kat dalam labour ward tu, dia asyik main talipon je! I feel like nak rampas talipon tu buang kat tingkap. He had to arrange for coaches to replace him so ade kecoh sikit lah. Cuma kalau dah dalam kesakitan mana nak paham bende nie semua.

Cekya - yeah it happened also bila i nak give birth to umar as well. While waiting to dilate, I tawaf satu ward tu lah. And at that point tgh craving for Milo. Apparently hospital ni, the Milo sedap giler. Tgh sakit perut, jalan2x ternampak misi pushing a cart with milo. Wah ape lagi. I pun tanya Milo nie datang dari mana? Terlalu sedap. Misi tu sengeh je. Agaknye dia pikir budak nie tak betul tgh sakit perut boleh pikir pasal Milo. Oh yeah food also. I got food masa kat dalam labour ward jugak masa nak deliver umar. I think my gynae dah paham. Budak nie suka makan walau dalam kesakitan.

Thedreamer - well c-section sebab cervix tak dilate and my contractions dah 2-3mins apart. Budak sudah mau keluar tapi macam ade wall gitu. Apalagi mau tunggu, gua bilang cut me up! I pun almost lost my mind i think cos i could barely recall what happen during that extreme labour pain.

So pray for my speedy health yeah. Meantime I try to be as cheerful as possible!

1818

Salam! It was just last Thursday that I blogged 'complaining' abt my day. And now a whole new week has passed and I've got Nuha Alia in the family. Today Umar is down with cough and cold. And me all alone at home with 2 kids! A whole load of difference! Well I'm going to attempt to citer kan u all ape yang berlaku hehehe... without pics tho. I haven't had the time or complete health yet. But Insha Allah it will come. Well citer dia cam nie.. 11:30am My mom's place. Tgh sedap2x makan lunch .. yelah masak bamia lah katakan.. wahh best sungguh! sampai bungkus bawak balik untuk rumah. Delicious! Lahh hai selama nie akubuat bamia nie salah. rupa pakai bawang goreng belambak .. we'll talk abt bamia alittle later.. another update perhaps. But that was what I learnt! Tgh bgn dari meja makan tak pasal2x sakit pinggang mcm lain gitu. I told my mother.. dia buat dak jek.. hehehe tak pe i know dia Panic Queen. Akupun ikut sama buat bodoh. Hmm gotta wait for hubby to fetch me home and that's at 1pm. 1pm Hubby came to fetch us. Tgh turun tangga .. terasa pinggang loose. aduh.. contraction ke? hmm tak pe. Kitaorang jalan pelan2x tunggu teksi balik rumah. Sampai rumah hubby gi kerja. Umar tidor. And I attempted to sleep. 5:30pm Called hubby bilangkan sakit pinggang.. rasa cam lain sikit. Nie setelah I did mylast entry.

From then on, it got worst and worst. The rasa nak terberak was confusing! I called my sister after that, and she said i'm in labour. I said no lah. Nanti Monday nak gi check up ape? Abistu lupa nak monitor the contractions. But I know for sure I barely had any sleep that nite.

23 Mar 07 8am

Pagi2x hubby tak kerja. Umar dah pergi sekolah. I called my sister again. She said gi hospital. I said no i nak gi gynae je. I wait for hubby to come back from sending umar to school okay? I told her. My sis said she take off and will come straight to my house. Lepas tu my mother pulak talipon. Dah sakit perut? I cakap dah... tapi nak gi gynae je check up. Rupanya my sis and my mom in cahoot nak datang rumah I to whisk me off to the hospital.

9:30am

Hubby called gynae. Tak tau ape dia meracau dgn clinic tu.. tak pasal2x bila my mom and sis datang he said let's go to the hospital. I pun bersiap sedialah.

Called taxi hubby said taxi on the way. Turun nampak pakcik blasting mengaji.. (if im not mistaken). Mula2x pakcik drive relakz je.. as if we were sightseeing.. I think tak pasal2x he realised that I'm in labour wah pakcik drive macam lipas kodong.. muka terus pucat lesu! ehhehe kesian.

Abistu, bila dah sampai kat hospital, my 3 saviours left me in the taxi! They jumped out and just left! Aku struggle sorang2x nak keluar taxi.. abis tu pakcik nak handover change gave to me.. pakcik dah lah pucat! And me nak maintain.. i said no need wheelchair.. then hubby say need i said no need then hubby say noneed then i think my mom or sis said need .. we conceded. Anyway, memang giler aku nie kalau nak jalan and wait for lift to 2nd level to doc's office kan?

I was wheeled in to doc's office and nurse kata "buat ape kat sini? U dah overdue .. gi labourward lah.."" aduhhh malu nyee. I said okay..So I was wheeled to labour ward.

So drama bermula dari situlah. Aku dengar orang terpekik terlolong dah give birth. Me still waiting....

Nurse masuk kejap2x tanya nak pain killers tak? i said noneed i can handle. Gynae datang dah check semua I asked boleh makan tak? ( aku mana je.. sakit ke ape ke, tak kisah, penting makan) gynae said okay i give u porridge. Wah porridge datang 1 whole bowl aku finish the garnishing and the sauce semua licin. ahhaha tak macam orang in labour.

I was sms-ing my sister.. dia macam heran, mana got time to sms. I said in between contractions can sms. hahahhaha. Jadi dari waktu aku masuk selain menahan pain, taking pics, and reading newspaper, i also watched a whole movie on HBO! And sempat get irritated with hubby.

4:30pm

I asked for painkiller jab on the thigh. Apparently it didn't work at ALL!. wah contraction every 3mins aiyoyoyoy sakit giler...

5pm

Decision came for ceaserian at 6:30pm

5:45pm

I was wheeled out of the room. aku dah tak kenal orang.. sakit macam orang giler.

Dalam operating theatre.. i was thinking to myself apsal dia kasi benda oxygen nie macam tak laku je.. jangan bila dia operate i'm wide awake! wahh the pain makin sakit makin sakit! wa duuhhhhhh tak tahan.. Then I was thinking, agaknye dah nak mati... agaknye aku nie byk dosa... sebab tu cam ni keadaan.

bila dia pasang anathesia... sempat ku shahadat and gone.

6:18pm

Nuha Alia was born into the world. Such a pretty little girl. She was 54cm and 3.2kg

God knows what time I was wheeled back to the room. In my giddiness i opened my eyes saw a blurred vision of my husband. In the room I know I mengerang cos damn it was painful!

Well that was it. My labour story.

saje saje

Esok genap 40minggu. dah cukup dah. Hari Isnin is my check-up.. final check up i hope. Pray for me okay? that this delivery would be smooth, safe and healthy for me and baby. Takde satu petanda pun contraction mcm orang giler ke (semuanya can handle), waterbreak ke, bloodyshow ke.

Semalam malam tak tahan.. emo sangat sampai menangis. I dont know why but I was kinda upst with what's going on with me. Kenapa no signs at all.. i takut kena c-section again. all those things all things went thru my mind.

Pagi tadi I went to my mom's place masak bamia. In fact bende is my fav vegetable. Kesian my husband dia tak gi course tadi pagi.. cos semalam malam umar tak pasal2x batuk2x and me with my emo overload.

Al Fatihah to Jimi's uncle yang passed away. Semoga Allah grant him Jannah Amin.

WTL - hopefully everything will turn up well for you tomorrow AMIN.

TheDreamer - cepat2x recover and savor the rain.

Lun - hopefully your ayah is well and healthy.

cekya - dah sihat ke belum?

Ligo - where are you now? kenapa senyap.. tak update.

The rest - have a good friday and weekend.

random thoughts - while you are still inside

On the subject of peeing

1. With the countless times of peeing over the period of 39weeks now, i find flushing a waste of water.
2. In fact, I know my way round with my eyes close most of the time.
3. The shortest time span from one pee to another is 35 mins.
4. The longest time span from one pee to another is 2hrs.
5. The most I peed is when you (not you - the baby) move too much
6. As most of the 24hrs a day is spent in the toilet, I had to make the toilet alittle more interesting. Previously I didn't bother how the toilet looked like.
7. Glade does work in the toilet
8. The average time spent in the toilet peeing is 5.5 mins

On the subject of dressing up

1. Color co-ordination matters most
2. In fact sheer lipgloss brightens up the bloated face
3. The best dress to wear is the jubah- it's free and easy and roomy
4. when they say those maternity pants you bought is stretchable and would last you till you give birth and in fact after - well, they lied.
5. Looking all pregnant and dolled up is fun after all!
6. You don't get those freebies when you are pregnant. Civic-mindedness is passe.

Most often told to me

1. "Take your time, it's okay". All said by taxi drivers.

What cheezes me off

1. Smoke and smokers
2. Irresponsible dog owners
3. Irresponsible joss paper burning - they get away all the time don't they?
4. Suckers
5. People who stand up just to suck up to their boss and protect their rice bowl.
6. People who walk so close to me, just close enough to almost knock me down so that *I* would give way to them. They won't bother saying excuse me. I was almost knocked down just now by a shopping cart.
7. Limp hair (suggest that they have not washed their hair for past God Knows Howmany days!)
8. Body odors.
9. People who expect *YOU* to open the door for them and not hold it for you to pass by.
10. Bikers who drive or park their bikes at the void deck or by the walkway.
11. Cyclists who ring their bells a mile a way expecting you to give them the right-er way.
12. Singaporean drivers.
13. IN fact give them anything that requires them to man-handle (cars, strollers, shopping cart, rollerblades, motorbikes, bicycles) they take it as if its Formula One and they have 5 secs to go before the clock stops.

the Fives

My overdue FIVES - 6 things i would do if i were a millionaire

• empower more people to improve their lives through religion, education, skills and knowledge.
• do an environmental project
• take time off to do work in underdeveloped Muslim countries
• my own foundation n trust
• buy a business entity
• be part of UN/OIC/IDB/WorldBank (don't know why I have to be a millionaire to do this)

5 bad habits

• play with my hair when i'm thinking ( i lose hair that way)
• cut my nails when watching TV (don't know why this is a BAD habit tho)
• scratching my skin
• umm... none else.

5 things i hate doing

• ironing my hubby's stuff
• cleaning and washing the toilet
• scratching my skin

5 things i never do

• anything that has to do with heights like bungee jumping
• anything that has to do with water like swimming
• be on TV game show/reality TV show stuffs

5 things i regret doing

• biting my nails when I was much younger
• not listening to my parents when I was supposed to
• not saying I Love You to my late brothers and father
• not having my last looks at loved ones
• buying shoes that don't fit

5 fave toys/things

• my quilt (though its not patchwork but I love it)
• my bed
• my home
• my phone (it's with me 24/7)
• my camera

ten to ten pm

Tgh boring. Still waiting for some signs! ahahahhah I can't believe I am doing this! Literally waiting for a contraction, waterbreak or bloody show! 1 sign for sure my pelvic bones dah lembik rasanye...

I had a good afternoon nap so Im kinda up right now. I've emailed my boss saying that I am taking leave for now. I can't believe I ended my own contract. I woke up just now with this craving for blueberry cheesecake. AND I need to buy bedsheets (again!) and flossing and brushing is my current obession.

*sigh*

terima kasih

Thank you for all your concerns. Nari birthday nye The Dreamer. Selamat Hari Jadi TheD. Semoga apa yang nak dicapai tercapai jadinya.

Memang cobaan yang Allah nak beri.. sakit dari haritu tu, mak dan anak. Punya tak terdaya Allah sahaja yang tau. Mungkin Allah nak hilangkan dosa2x tak? Lepas tu dah boleh give birth? Semalam malam bawak Umar gi hospital lagi. *sigh* dah 3 bulan nie gi hospital. Alhamdulillah pagi nie nampak sihat and banyak mulut. Dah okay lah tu. Mak dia yang tak tahan.. sakit badan.. bentan kata orang. baru nak baik flu dah satu hal lagi. Alhamdulillah my helper came and so did my kakak urut. Heaven sent betul! My mother pulak decide to cook for us. ALHAMDULILLAH!

Kakak urut kata dah memang nampak time. I bilang dia boleh tak urut kasi trigger beranak. Dia ketawa. Sewel agaknye budak nie. Lepas tu dia cakap "dahlah okaylah malam nie u beranak!" For now I swear I just want to get it over and done with. Dengar cekmi's sister dah give birth.. wah dah senang. Bila aku nye turn pulak? Tak de rasa contraction pulak.... apa dah!

So gitulah my update thus far. Nari tak gi kerja.

im so sick

Gawd Im so sick. I could barely lift my head or my fingers. Pls Allah let me have my health back so that I can be prepared for birth. ASAP.

I_mshe@homewithumarandtheflu

International Women's Day

Ramai feminist out there will be celebrating this day today. But I feel it's not a celebration for the feminist alone. Us Women. We need to look at us. US women.. have we done justice to ourselves in our view of ourselves, in relation to our environment, social, cultural, education societal?

Just something for us to get our knees and toes on.. not to forget that we women of the world deserve the best? Speak out if you are not happy.

i_mshe@homewithumarwhoissick

Im cravnig for....

Mrs Field's Brownie Nibblers... yum yum yum 4:05pm - im sleepy...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I did this last nite but somehow i erased it by accident. Bloghazard.

Cekmi asked how does it feel to crave for something knowing there is another soul inside?

Cekmi it cannot be fathom by mere explanation or description. Pain and pleasure intersect at a thin line. It is 2 different persons. It's like hmm.. have u watched Alien before? Where the baby alien was incubated inside one of the guy's body and came out from his stomach (okay this is really a gory and morbid way of explaining but it's not THAT bad).

It's like Chang and Eng with the age gap. It's like Charla and Myrna (Amazing Race).

We differ on alot of things. Like food, car (or simply car rides), drink, smell. Of course we tend to agree on many things like I don't like people who smell it simple irks me. I don't like mess (I tend to close one eye.. but nowadays I'm all for social responsibility).

Like yesterday when I had the brownie nibblers. I dunk in milk and popped it in my mouth. OH boy my girl was dancing and swirling and it was the most movement I've ever felt. It was a seismic which I can't measure. BUT when I have Milo. I'll straight go to the toilet. She don't agree.

So there you go.. fraternal twins, to simple put it.

Saturday

Dah 4 hari berturut2x sakit kepala.. mcm berdengung gitu. I put ice pack this morning it went away. Tadi tertidor and woke up with headache again. Agaknye kepala panas. Cos less than 20 mins the ice pack dah cair!

Ligo had a good time i'm sure kat geylang. Minum cheekong! Boy I can certainly imagine the cold cheekong rite in front of my face now. *sigh* sedap! Beli apa Ligo kat geylang?

Nari alittle heavier than usual. More bed bound. Sampai takut nak berak. hehehe but dah selamat melepas dah. Dalam ke sakitan kepala, I can only think of 1 thing and it's the oddest of all. Chen Su Bian - president of Taiwan. Of ALLLLL the things in the things in the world. Chen Su Bian came to my mind! And I can't get rid of it. Must be some wiring in my brain that wanted me to think of an alternative out of the blue kind of thing. Oh cakap pasal brain nie, my current addiction is all hospital related stories, especially 3lbs. It's about this neurologist. Stanley Tucci is the main character yang kononnya nak save kan orang tapi think he is god. Another guy baru kerja 6 bulan but sees his patients with a heart. Very very good. Currently showing on Hallmark Channel. Last nite, the advert kata season finale! *sigh* OH yeah. The old E.R. I am watching that too. Of course my fave CSIs and Law and Order. My fav is actually Special Victims Unit tapi tak tunjuk sekarang. Just the original Law and Order. Tak pe ah ade Benjamin Pratt. Suka tengok muka dia. I heard he is an excellant photographer (tengok kat Oprah). I think he is such a sweetheart. Glad he didn't end up with Julia Roberts.

Teringatkan macaroni and fried chicken. Insha Allah Monday nie dapat lah makan. I ordered for the office as a surprise.

Orang kata masa mengandung nie senses are strong. Tadi bila nak ambik wudhu terbau dengan kuatnya my boss punya bamia and I could actually see it before my eyes! Punyalah sedap. Her specialty is bamia and what's that name.. kachang phool! Excellant giler. I thot of smsing her abt my hallucination. tapi tak pe ah. She is pretty stressed up in fact this is the worst I've seen her in sampai nangis2x.

I sms Lun .. out of wanting to know a question that has been on my mind for the longest time. Air petuban najis tak? Lun thot mine burst. I said not yet. I really do wonder though. Lun punya theory mungkin najis mutawassita. Wah dah lama tak dengar word tu ah! So syiok gitu dengar word tu! Najis pertengahan. Apsal eh?

Cekya how's your baby contest going? Hope it worked well and you got some nice pics to go along with it :)

Kak Emmy how's the saLiVating going? ehehhe nak tengok gambar beg tu.. jangan lupa post it on your blog.

How's the weekend for the rest?

latest update

My gynae appointment this morning came with exciting yet scary for me news.

Firstly baby dah engaged. Gynae said should be giving birth by next week. Kalau tak give birth by next appointment she will do the vaginal examination. She said wait for waterbag to break or bleeding then go hospital not just contractions alone.

Swab test came back okay. All clear for normal delivery Insha Allah.

Scary-mary rasa nye. I still haven't pack my bag. Tunggu hubby keluar kan bag dari store. Need to look at other stuff that i haven't prepared. Need to do marketing this weekend.

wahh soo many things. so exciting and scary gitu.

Pray for me!

True Indulgence

My anti-depressive first-aid

• Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey with warm waffles top with sliced peaches and splash of maple syrup (Lasted 2 days. Sorry hubby I ate the rest of the tub of B&J)
• Shopping - expenses paid by hubby. L'Occitane products, baby bed (this was a necessity not indulgent)
• A good shower (wish it was a bath instead) with all organic shea butter soap, lathered with shea butter mommy cream (for stretch marks) and pure shea butter wax (for all over dry skin)
• Lays Sour Cream & Onion Chips
• Nasi Turki - cooked by my mom. Was a surprise by her. My late lunch.
• Good Old Rain pouring outisde while I'm updating my entry in bed.
• Aircon at 5:45 pm (alittle early for us at home)

What's yours?

Sedih haru biru bingung bengang

Stuff happening to some staffs in the office. I feel lost but had to show strength for their sake. 1st time my boss cried in front of me. Kesian. Nie kes giler nie memang.

Korang pls pray for all of us and especially my two colleagues. May Allah keep them safe always. Amin.

Fuschia - the new pink for me

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! dah tulis panjang2x hilang semua nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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malas nak repeat story. Just to let u all know that nie my new craving infact it's my post natal craving. To get a Fuschia top with white pants and soft pink and white hijab. kalau boleh nak complete with pinkish white mother of pearl chunky ring.

my other cravings are abaya with hood and this new style dress - cut half way wear with pants.. donno whats the name called.

why fuschia cos the only pink i ever wore was my school uniform yang kadang2x when i wore it, i over did it.. hari2x yang tak perlu pakai pun pakai jugak! and when i was in my mid teens i had two soft pink baju kurung and in my early adulthood i wore a nice pink .. that pink somehow took my husband away! woohoo.

Dah brapa hari mimpi bersalin mimpi nampak baby.. (to think that i have yet to find a complete name for her!).. rasa time is running short/out on me. Byk benda belum buat .. marketing... no stroller (yang kita berkenan dah kena saut orang), diaper bag (yang i berkenan cost $129!) baby bed (silly shop dont deliver! sungguh lah.. merepek!) bag belum pack.

Lagi satu hal, Umar masih sakit infact today ade hospital appt pagi2x tadi. He woke up with red and swollen eye. kesian. sabar betul dia... truly exemplify what Allah mentioned as patient and steadfast when face with struggle.

kata my sis budak nak beradik kadang2x cam nie.. bongkar penyakit. nie pertama kali ku dgr. ade pantang larang nak kena buat. So later lah Insha Allah. Oh yeah.. pokok mariam (ape eh nama dia) ade dalam laci.. ke keringan kawan tu.. kesian. nak kena mandi dgn dia kan? supaya sejuk badan eh.. nowadays tidor dalam aircon pun berpeluh. My hubby thot I slobber (ish! yuck!)

And walking is a struggle cos macam nak terlepas gitu rasa nye. If I walk fast.. sakit kan diri sendiri je. Ya Allah let it be easy on me. Amin!

Today I felt the heaviest. Rasa terlalu berat and macam nak terlepas. I check with my sis she said she did feel that when she was pregnant. Now bila baby move I think she could have the strength to poke out of my skin. Kadang2x the pain/discomfort is unbearable.

I think Allah has some plans in mind when some pregnant women get irritatingly clumsy like me. I've been bending down to pick stuff up at supermarket at home at office more than I could ever imagine. I guess that's an indirect way of pushing the baby downward. Theory je.

Past 2 nites been dreaming of giving birth. Last nite tak salah mimpi I'm back to my old self/figure and wearing my old clothes.

Just now I dreamt of blood and waterbag bursting. (I'm up again at 3am)

Now hubby really can't wait for baby to come out. Dulu I complain that I had to call him several times than he will answer the phone (which makes me geram.. cos I would nag that what if I'm in labor or some emergency). Now every time I wince he would ask is the baby ready to come out. Nie dah over-doing it. Tapi bagus jugak. I guess he too is experiencing heighten anxiety.

My belly button (excuse the gross description) doesn't jut out I noticed. But it changes its looks through out the day. It''ll have the cats eye look, the closed eye look, and the full eye ball look. Entah lah camne I came out with all these description.

Well.. I'm wondering what should I do next. At 8:30am later, my helper will be coming. Rumah nie sah jadi tongkang pecah. I can exactly point out who's the culprit (not Umar) tapi selalu deny.

I need a hair cut, Umar needs one too. So does the daddy but he is in denial rite now. Baby is up somehow.. agaknye cahaya lampu woke her up.

I watched buli balik half way.. maybe gonna watch it after updating the blog. Alhamdulillah it rained just now. I thot rain water will be far from dropping in this side of the island.

Just yesteday saw a group of bangau in a uniform position. I must find out what are they doing and why do they do such thing. Such amazing creatures. Manalah dorang pergi nanti bila dah musim panas.

I've always told myself not to give birth during hot weather kali nie well dry spell is coming soon (dah salah plan ke?).. bright and sunny weather some times gets me down. And the rain cheers me up and of course it is cooler. With the global warming becoming a hot issue (teringat GP dulu..korang ingat tak?) I wonder why that isn't part of the Budget2007 - what we are doing as a country to minimize waste.

Oh yeah speaking of GP - yang mengajarnye tu dulu.. heard some stories abt her.. which was pretty awful that has led to some parents taking their kids out. Sedih sungguh. Need a major overhaul. I dont mind taking over the administration /management position. Ooops tergumpat.

*sigh* Belum abis lagi mengaji. I should do that soon. Asyik "sibuk/lalai" je dengan dunia nie..Met some1 amazingly gifted. I've known him for a long time.. but it's just amazing to engage in a conversation with him cos he inspired me to pursue what's nagging in me but I've not been sure about it.

I'm so proud that Umar nows till surah Al-Lahab. soo touching gitu and the alphabets. I swear I need to put in more effort in this department. Speaking of this department. I miss that part of me.. being the learning me. Do it islamically. Great need to attend a formal learning instituition. I have one in mind tapi jauh and now with baggages... donno what's the alternative.

Currently I am fighting for my rights as a social worker. As a social worker working part-time that is. I like using this term rather than "part-time social worker". Because it has totally different connotation. My work and commitment is full-time just that the hours are shorter. And the recognizing organization literally brushed me off for the fact that I was working part-time. I was pissed for 3weeks. I've decided to write in to the head. Apparently (mungkin lah eh.. benefit of the doubt) CNY - jadi belum reply. If by next week tak reply jugak, I am charging into the office and give my piece.

Lun - How about Joshua Kadison - beautiful in my eye ( i think that is the title of the song)