Geram

I realised that I always deceive myself. Bodoh kadang2x rasa nyer. Mungkin Naive desribes me best. Dengan secara sengaja atau tidak sengaja ... I think more of sengaja I have been diketepikan. After all the work we did together .. dah nak dekat event.. suddenly soo quiet and I have to be the one asking what's the update and stuff. Tadi I thought of doing something together than I've been told to do it at my workstation. I just dropped everything and said never mind I'll do something else.

What the bloody CraP!

sleepyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Yesterday was my anniversary.3rd anniversary. WE didn't do anything special. But what we did do was to celebrate our end of renovation loan payment (weeeeiiii Alhamdulillah) and anniversary with Ben & Jerry's Oatmeal Fudge Ice Cream (something like that.. has a nice tingling tase of cinnamon)..

At the office yesterday there was suppose to be a appreciation lunch I came in last as I went out for awhile. Sekali masuk "Happy Birthday" semorang pekik. ISh lagi lama! But since my birthday is during Ramadhan they decide to do a super duper early celebration. I had 3 servings of briyani! And i didn't eat all the day till this morning!.

Today my lunch is going to be sandwich i made this morning. The chicken was thawed and marinated last nite. I bake it at 12 midnite. This morning chicken sandwich with feta cheese. Tak sabar nak tunggu lunch! Although i know my chicken is dry.. tapi bau sedappppppp!!!

God My brain is disoriented! I can feel I'm not writing well!

Dusty Sunday

I've had the worst -I can recall- sinus attack ever! I was told yesterday at work (yeah I was working on Saturday) that my eyes were swollen. I know. I could barely open my eyes at work. Good thing it was a bus ride to SENTOSA as I had a good rest on the bus. And why the fish was I working at Sentosa on Saturday.. OH well we had this programme to 'rekindle your love with your spouse' kindda programme for some people. NOw why didnt i feel excited over it. It was at Shangri-la! I don't know. At the end of the day I wonder whether it was all worth it. Whether there was even any meaningful take-aways from them or me. Last nite I was reviewing my work values as a professional conductor. Why don't I feel like a maestro? IS it all worth it? I felt deep in my heart that all forms of systems do take advantage of each other sometimes with less concern for values. MOney centres everything. I felt that I should just settle down and spend more time with my son. I feel alittle 'left behind' as my son only knows the color RED and insist that everything is red. Has yet to be toilet trained even.But then again he is only 2. Anyway back to the dust. Cleaning up my room alone took me 2hrs. This is pure dusting. And in the end my face turned up sore cos of dustmites?? I got big itchy bumps on my face. Okay that room is done. The house is aired fresh. All clothes washed. No TODAY ... I'm at home. The contractor was supposed to come to do my windows. U guessed it. The lady called said that her man was down with pain and stuff. The permit is up today she said she could extend it. Well then I said its Friday then. Cos they have to deal with my husband! hahahahahhah! I couldn't be bothered to get again. What the use of using my energy for such stuff. Oh yeah I'm home cos my son is not feeling well. He is asleep now (12.30noon). And I just made lunch which I got from internet. Get ready to drool..... 1 pkg. (9 oz) BUITONI Refrigerated Linguine ( I used any type I could find. Why refrigerate?? I will know later ones the ones in the fridge cools down)

2 (14.5 oz each) cans Italian-style diced tomatoes (What's soo Italian about the diced style anyway silly me bought on 1 can.. now I know why I need 2 cans)

1/4 cup pitted and diced kalamata olives (now what is kalamata olives? Not just any pitted and diced olives? Kalamata is harvest from N0v-Dec and cured for 1mth. Said to be the tastiest in the market)

1 1/2 tablespoon olive oil

2 small clove garlic

1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil (Can't find any..just used dry basil)

1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar (I can never ever find these! I used grape juice instead)

1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese (i bought the ones with herbs - ova sikit!)

DIRECTIONS

COMBINE tomatoes, olives, oil, garlic, basil and vinegar in a medium saucepan. Cook over low heat for 5 minutes.

TOSS pasta with tomato mixture. Sprinkle with feta cheese. Best accompanied with Ice Tea. NOw this is how it looks like

hmmm.. i've always wanted to know me more!

Pretty true about me from this one! I'm just me!!! Tapi kadang2x ter-ova being the girl in me!

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

I should earn money from blogging!

Your Blog Should Be Red

Your blog is full of intensity and passion. You are very opinionated - and people love or hate you for it. You have the potential to be both a famous and infamous blogger.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Your Blogging Type is Logical and Principled

You like to voice your well thought out opinions on your blog.And if someone doesn't what you write, you really don't care!Serious and blunt, sometimes people take your blog the wrong way.But you're a true and loyal friend to those who truly get you.

What's" Your Blogging Personality?

Baby I'm in love!

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you. You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

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Just a wee bit update: I'm tired. last nite slept almost 2am. Woke up at 6am. Accompanied my sis to the hospital for a surgery to remove lump in her breast. Didn't know I was gonna be there the whole day. Am tired now. Tomorrow bring my son for his 2yr old check up. Then to work. Saturday working wholleee day. Monday window people coming... I'm going to work .. hubby take over. Tired....

Note to self : Need to lose weight.

I better watch this classic!

What Classic Movie Are You? personality tests by similarminds.com

This is me!! Thanks to the Headliner. I enjoyed your blog. Hmmm eliciting some sense of mystery in it all.

post interview

Well.... where do I start? I realised I'll be judging her if I go to details fact that I am writing something about her. After 5 minutes I realised she was her normal self. Professional about her work. From far she looks very chinese with the hair color and dressing. We didn't really catch up on us we just went straight to work.

All I can say is I was fighting with my own demon. She was nice after all.

old memory

On Friday I had a surprise call. One that caught my tongue for awhile. It was an 'old friend' whom I have not spoken or seen except thru email pics for almost 8yrs or so. However her opening line to me wasn't sweet. And that totally pissed me off till today. I guess I will only get over it by tomorrow when we eventually meet. I wonder how she would look like, how she would carry herself. I'm also wondering why am I making a big issue out of this! I don't know maybe perhaps we 'ended' on a good note and re-open on a foul one. She wanted to do brunch which I decline cos it's business and not personal (with her only). God I'm so foul! I hate this. This is not me even! She asked for my handphone number and I said I will only give for personal not business. She was taken aback but she took it down anyway.

Ah well people change? Or people change.

We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Love does it all

My husband said this morning he doesn't need to understand me and he doesn't want to understand me (something to that effect) cos he said he wants me to be who I want to be. He can look at me and be breathless cos he doesn't have enough words to tell me how much he loves me. And if whatever I want to be means adjustments to the family he is willing to go thru it. He just wants me to be beautiful.

I've added Haloscan for the Nth time

I've re-added haloscan. Harap2x dia tak menghilang lagi.

Are women complex? Men tak paham ke pompuan? Benar ke nie?Is like we talk on different planes.

Kenapa eh kenapa?

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Lun - some butts were kicked!

Although I panic giler but I was calm. Maybe calm under the storm. But I was lucky to have bumped into The Dreamer last nite. We sort of rehearsed some questions and answers and she gave me some pointers. Also which surah to read (Surah Al Mulk). Alhamdulillah I was calm and felt good inside. I was confident that Allah was with me.

I took leave today. Tapi my hp couldn't stop ringing. It was as if I was working the whole day! Kecoh! Bless my mom for coming back to my place after her dental appointment.Macam tegap sikit hati nie. I read the surah just after my Zohr prayers (before that I doa lah ape yang patut tu.. though I wasnt really sure what I wanted to ask from Allah.. I just said You know whats best for me so just lead me) and quickly got myself ready to go.

I didnt' call the HR lady though... malu gitu. I thought I remembered she told me to go to basement. I was 15 mins early. Waaaahhh cantik gitu timing. (why do I sound so Minah?). I reported myself to the reception. So there I was in the waiting area for 15mins. Hmm salah tempat ke? Takpe ah lepak dulu. 3.05pm - the lady said I was suppose to go to HR FIRST! Aiyo! MALU! Kelamkabut go to HR which was 2 levels up. Sampai isi application form (I hate filling in Application Forms). I realised that my pen was about to run out of ink. I brought 3 pens! 2 no ink! 1 running out! Aiyo! Takde benda lain ke nak happen! Malu nak mintak pen cos there were 2 other candidates. Tak syiok gitu kalau mintak pen. The pen stayed with me till I finished the whole form. Then after 10mins. The HR girl came out and asked me to do the test. She gave me 1hr (this was 3:30pm). Ya Allah! Soalan dia macam soalan periksa kat sekolah dulu! Alhamdullilah I decided to study before the interview. So boleh jugak ah jawab. and I got some cheatsheets with me! ahhahaaa.. just my old notes I decided to bring to read on the train. I managed to finish at 4pm. at 4:10pm they called me. Still calm as a cow. I turned myself into a decent poise and polished minah. 3 ladies interviewed withthe HR lady sitting by my side. Gedebak gedebuk - I went out of the interview feeling excited and happy! I don't know why tapi terasa happy and excited gitu! Unexplained reaction. I couldn't contain myself! Happy giler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well we just see how it goes ah cos they say they are interviewing other candidates and will get back to me.So we see how....

Thanks to The Dreamer for the pointers.

Lun - for your confidence that I would kick some butts

My hubby - J .. absolute nagging unwaivering confidence in his wife.

Belum terima Oscars dah kecoh gini.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Nie lah jari gatal

So I admit jariku gatal. I didn't know that I would lose some of my previous settings. Nampaknya kena re-do allover again. Leceh!

Anyway I had diarhoea for mixing sundae ice cream and coke from McD's. Isn't that ridiculous. I was hungry as a cow when I got back home. We had some Caltex food... pretty good. Nie lah orang pemalas nak masak bila balik rumah. Tooo tired lately.

I found my old document bag. It's going to be for good use this Monday. I'm taking the day leave and going for a job interview. YIPES! I'm kinda stressed cos my first experience for job interview last coupla months didn't turn out well and I knew it was mostly my fault for not preparing myself. But Alhamdulillah. That was a good experience to learn from. Now I'm preparing like as if nak exams! I'm reading my notes (yeap from school dulu.. gila ya!) I've got some nice set of clothes - a jacket and skirt with matching tudung and document bag. Wooohooo! I'm all set! Dress for success .... or dress to kill!

I noticed HR people like to arrange interviews in the afternoon after lunch. Waktu orang mengantuk! One crazy thing I can't remember where I'm suppose to go for the interview!! Gila nie! Monday have to call the lady! Aiyo don't look good now! I learn I shouldn't over do talking about myself. I should show competency and knowledge (sebab tu bukak buku sekolah babe!)

Nothing against my current company. I love it though I feel tonnes of things could be improved. Just that my son needs me more. Being totally housewife is a bit kelakar for me... so maybe start part-time. And I am truly hoping that my current company would counter offer me and says they are willing to take me part-time. Pray hard!

My wedding anniversary is just round the corner. Oh yeah Lun- the iron you bought for me baru je commit suicide. Genaplah umur dia 3 tahun dah jadi arwah! Thanks! It served me well.

My husband is really working hard. I notice this long time ago but now I truly understand that he is working like mad! I'm proud to have a husband like him.

Just some additional comments on my entry on Money, specifically addressing Lun and kak Enig's comment (sorry dah terhilang!). But my issue isn't really about money but how poeple around me value it to a point that it defines themselves. It defines their status and shapes their thinking (of absence of it!). Maybe I wasn't clear but that was my heart talking. Now it's my brain talking.

Lun - J and I are always best buds. We also acknowledge that we are our own individuals. Other than him, I truly believe that as a woman ( or any person in a relationship) you need to find other forms of support other than your own home. Cos your partner isn't the equator. Should anything happen to him (or her), where do you and who do you turn to? You need some one with a fresh emotional bank to invest in you and for you benefit in terms of mileage.

Gitulah nye.......

Money

For the past coupla weeks, I noticed, today only, that my life has been revolved around money. The lack of it that is. I couldn't get my dream sofa set which status is obsolete because they are no longer bringing in the design and of course the people around me. I guess well I know I am not being fair to certain people in my life. Not explaining myself.. taking things forgranted ..a typical human nature. But I am not blaming nature for it. I am at fault. I have to face the consequences whether I like it or not. So where do I go from here? I don't know and I don't have the answer. At this point of time, I simply wish things were the way they were before. Before my dad had died. Maybe because he had been my buffer for the things that happened in life. He had the knowledge and the answers to almost everything my brain could think of. And if he doesn't we would contemplate together and wow at the wonders of Allah. That partner is gone.My buffer is gone.Even when he was sick, I was proud of him.. for having the courage to live and face this world.. a world full of uncertainties. You can't even trust your own shadow. I have always pride myself in my father. A man brought up with the colonial in his blood but the soil is where he put his humility. A man so vast with knowledge. I guess and I don't ever know when I'll ever get over his death. I remembered those sore feelings I had for not seeing him the night before.Those feelings are guilt. They linger in me and they surface from time to time. As my father had died, I am left 'unprotected'. Maybe this is Allah's way of telling to me to grow up and face the world however and whatever the world's situation is. I don't really know how my life is going to be. Today it looked sort of grey. I am not good at adjustments. It is a fact. Most of the days my life has a tinge of rainbow at least I "feel" happy. Grey sounds too real and scary for me. Grey does not seem to understand and does not have room for flexibility. Parents- they are truly amazing beings. Only Allah truly knows who to award those title to. I'm amazed at the sacrifices at all parents have to make in order to live in this world. It seems like as if life has stopped after my father's death. And now it's just a matter of taking things day by day with no directions. I looked up to the sky just now. It does feel like a holy month. The night is beautiful. The same kinda feeling I had when I did my umrah in 98. The night has a tinge of loneliness and sadness but at the same time a peaceful calm is seeping in. I don't understand all these feelings. I feel I should repent myself for not seeing my father before the night of his death, I should accept things the way they are now. I am a person trapped in a person who is me. People don't understand death until they have known loss. I lost too many within a short 29 years of my life. Its like an interval of every 6-7yrs that I would lose some one. Loss can't be perfectly described. Loss leaves void and voidness eats you day by day and just when you think you've forgotten about it and that you have reached a certain equilibrium, it hits you. It hits you during certain times of your life. Voidness sometimes tells you to wake up and go deep to those sore wound and hold it with your bare hands. No painkillers, no morphine, no epidural, no anasthesia to hep you. Just look and hold those sore wounds bleeding in your bare hurts. They hurt.. they hurt soo bad. How do I heal these wounds? How do I make peace with myself. It's amazing how money takes me to places I've never been before in my heart. All these things unravel just because of money. People change because of money when they have it and when they don't.

Monday Frust!

AAAAAAAAA!

my birthday

Your Birthdate: October 18

Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity. There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself. You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator. You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas. Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed. There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others. Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Friday

Today the weather seems too perfect to work. It's dark cloudy.. just stopped raining. What spoils the whole picture is the noise of construction right outside. If i had a shotgun they are done!

My sinus been my bestfriend. This morning my face soo ugly that my husband said he wouldn't allow me to go to work 'looking like that'. I have swollen face red eyes runny nose, a huge pimple right in between in my eyes on my nose. And to top it all off, my bestfriend's in town.

My ex-colleague and I we've been emailing each other.. so far so good.

I am craving for prata. How I wish my boss is here today so that she can go for the meeting later. URGH! I plan to laze around today.