latest update

My gynae appointment this morning came with exciting yet scary for me news.

Firstly baby dah engaged. Gynae said should be giving birth by next week. Kalau tak give birth by next appointment she will do the vaginal examination. She said wait for waterbag to break or bleeding then go hospital not just contractions alone.

Swab test came back okay. All clear for normal delivery Insha Allah.

Scary-mary rasa nye. I still haven't pack my bag. Tunggu hubby keluar kan bag dari store. Need to look at other stuff that i haven't prepared. Need to do marketing this weekend.

wahh soo many things. so exciting and scary gitu.

Pray for me!

True Indulgence

My anti-depressive first-aid

• Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey with warm waffles top with sliced peaches and splash of maple syrup (Lasted 2 days. Sorry hubby I ate the rest of the tub of B&J)
• Shopping - expenses paid by hubby. L'Occitane products, baby bed (this was a necessity not indulgent)
• A good shower (wish it was a bath instead) with all organic shea butter soap, lathered with shea butter mommy cream (for stretch marks) and pure shea butter wax (for all over dry skin)
• Lays Sour Cream & Onion Chips
• Nasi Turki - cooked by my mom. Was a surprise by her. My late lunch.
• Good Old Rain pouring outisde while I'm updating my entry in bed.
• Aircon at 5:45 pm (alittle early for us at home)

What's yours?

Sedih haru biru bingung bengang

Stuff happening to some staffs in the office. I feel lost but had to show strength for their sake. 1st time my boss cried in front of me. Kesian. Nie kes giler nie memang.

Korang pls pray for all of us and especially my two colleagues. May Allah keep them safe always. Amin.

Fuschia - the new pink for me

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! dah tulis panjang2x hilang semua nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

malas nak repeat story. Just to let u all know that nie my new craving infact it's my post natal craving. To get a Fuschia top with white pants and soft pink and white hijab. kalau boleh nak complete with pinkish white mother of pearl chunky ring.

my other cravings are abaya with hood and this new style dress - cut half way wear with pants.. donno whats the name called.

why fuschia cos the only pink i ever wore was my school uniform yang kadang2x when i wore it, i over did it.. hari2x yang tak perlu pakai pun pakai jugak! and when i was in my mid teens i had two soft pink baju kurung and in my early adulthood i wore a nice pink .. that pink somehow took my husband away! woohoo.

Dah brapa hari mimpi bersalin mimpi nampak baby.. (to think that i have yet to find a complete name for her!).. rasa time is running short/out on me. Byk benda belum buat .. marketing... no stroller (yang kita berkenan dah kena saut orang), diaper bag (yang i berkenan cost $129!) baby bed (silly shop dont deliver! sungguh lah.. merepek!) bag belum pack.

Lagi satu hal, Umar masih sakit infact today ade hospital appt pagi2x tadi. He woke up with red and swollen eye. kesian. sabar betul dia... truly exemplify what Allah mentioned as patient and steadfast when face with struggle.

kata my sis budak nak beradik kadang2x cam nie.. bongkar penyakit. nie pertama kali ku dgr. ade pantang larang nak kena buat. So later lah Insha Allah. Oh yeah.. pokok mariam (ape eh nama dia) ade dalam laci.. ke keringan kawan tu.. kesian. nak kena mandi dgn dia kan? supaya sejuk badan eh.. nowadays tidor dalam aircon pun berpeluh. My hubby thot I slobber (ish! yuck!)

And walking is a struggle cos macam nak terlepas gitu rasa nye. If I walk fast.. sakit kan diri sendiri je. Ya Allah let it be easy on me. Amin!

Today I felt the heaviest. Rasa terlalu berat and macam nak terlepas. I check with my sis she said she did feel that when she was pregnant. Now bila baby move I think she could have the strength to poke out of my skin. Kadang2x the pain/discomfort is unbearable.

I think Allah has some plans in mind when some pregnant women get irritatingly clumsy like me. I've been bending down to pick stuff up at supermarket at home at office more than I could ever imagine. I guess that's an indirect way of pushing the baby downward. Theory je.

Past 2 nites been dreaming of giving birth. Last nite tak salah mimpi I'm back to my old self/figure and wearing my old clothes.

Just now I dreamt of blood and waterbag bursting. (I'm up again at 3am)

Now hubby really can't wait for baby to come out. Dulu I complain that I had to call him several times than he will answer the phone (which makes me geram.. cos I would nag that what if I'm in labor or some emergency). Now every time I wince he would ask is the baby ready to come out. Nie dah over-doing it. Tapi bagus jugak. I guess he too is experiencing heighten anxiety.

My belly button (excuse the gross description) doesn't jut out I noticed. But it changes its looks through out the day. It''ll have the cats eye look, the closed eye look, and the full eye ball look. Entah lah camne I came out with all these description.

Well.. I'm wondering what should I do next. At 8:30am later, my helper will be coming. Rumah nie sah jadi tongkang pecah. I can exactly point out who's the culprit (not Umar) tapi selalu deny.

I need a hair cut, Umar needs one too. So does the daddy but he is in denial rite now. Baby is up somehow.. agaknye cahaya lampu woke her up.

I watched buli balik half way.. maybe gonna watch it after updating the blog. Alhamdulillah it rained just now. I thot rain water will be far from dropping in this side of the island.

Just yesteday saw a group of bangau in a uniform position. I must find out what are they doing and why do they do such thing. Such amazing creatures. Manalah dorang pergi nanti bila dah musim panas.

I've always told myself not to give birth during hot weather kali nie well dry spell is coming soon (dah salah plan ke?).. bright and sunny weather some times gets me down. And the rain cheers me up and of course it is cooler. With the global warming becoming a hot issue (teringat GP dulu..korang ingat tak?) I wonder why that isn't part of the Budget2007 - what we are doing as a country to minimize waste.

Oh yeah speaking of GP - yang mengajarnye tu dulu.. heard some stories abt her.. which was pretty awful that has led to some parents taking their kids out. Sedih sungguh. Need a major overhaul. I dont mind taking over the administration /management position. Ooops tergumpat.

*sigh* Belum abis lagi mengaji. I should do that soon. Asyik "sibuk/lalai" je dengan dunia nie..Met some1 amazingly gifted. I've known him for a long time.. but it's just amazing to engage in a conversation with him cos he inspired me to pursue what's nagging in me but I've not been sure about it.

I'm so proud that Umar nows till surah Al-Lahab. soo touching gitu and the alphabets. I swear I need to put in more effort in this department. Speaking of this department. I miss that part of me.. being the learning me. Do it islamically. Great need to attend a formal learning instituition. I have one in mind tapi jauh and now with baggages... donno what's the alternative.

Currently I am fighting for my rights as a social worker. As a social worker working part-time that is. I like using this term rather than "part-time social worker". Because it has totally different connotation. My work and commitment is full-time just that the hours are shorter. And the recognizing organization literally brushed me off for the fact that I was working part-time. I was pissed for 3weeks. I've decided to write in to the head. Apparently (mungkin lah eh.. benefit of the doubt) CNY - jadi belum reply. If by next week tak reply jugak, I am charging into the office and give my piece.

Lun - How about Joshua Kadison - beautiful in my eye ( i think that is the title of the song)

5 weeks to go

Visited the gynae today. Baby in position alhamdulillah. Baby is just not engaged yet. That made me really happy. For awhile i was in euphoria! That there would be posibillity of a 'normal' birth. Baby is 2.5kg currently, doc expect that she mite be 3.5kg by birth.

I came home and it finally struck me that there is a possibility of a major pain.. i got scared. I am for real. I was thinking of Lun, Ligo kak emmy... how did they do it? Yes some of us had help. Vaginal delivery pain???? I forgot how real contraction felt. I was telling myself at least I'm familiar with c-section pain. What!!! I'm even thinking of a c-section! that is crazy.

Which is the better pain? Sounds like a crazy question to ask... but i did ask this to myself.

Fear & confusion.

Satu gayung je...

Thanks Lun for the sms.

Friday nite - after maghrib tak pasal2x Umar terlentok. He started lying down which is not him to do so.. I asked him are you okay? He said I am fine. (cute lah .. for a 3year old to do his own assessment of himself) Then I tried to explain to him about daddy leaving us for 10 days and he is not coming back for some time. He looked a bit dazed and confused.

Daddy was still not at home then. Somehow tergerak hati for me to touch his forehead. He asked me to call his daddy I said tak boleh call sekarang cos daddy tgh work. His body was extremely hot. Terkejut beruk jap! I terus ambik temp and it was 38.8. Addduuhhhhh.... my sis called me, i told her Umar's condition and then Umar wanted to speak to her. He told her can you call daddy for me please,,, terus gua nangis macam orang giler tak berenti2x. Dari maghrib sampai lah laki balik and that was almost 11pm. Sungguh ku rasa nak kasi laki aku penumbuk malam tu.. tak nampak ke bini dia nie mata bengkak hidung kembang merah...

at about 9:30pm i sms him telling him that umar has very high fever. He balik the 1st qn he asked was can I handle it.. I told him its not about me its about Umar. That really got to his head and he decided not to fly. Hati gue punyaaaaaa lahhhh gembira... tak terhingga but i didnt show cos umar's fever did not subside at all. Yang kesian nye dia mencari bapak dia in his sleep.. lagilah gua nangis masa tu.. sembahyang nangis ... talk to my sis nangis.. tak abis2x. I then realised that I cannot be without him especially now.

Satu malam tak dapat tidor with umar's being unwell. Besoknya I gave him some obat.. his fever subsided... tapi batuk dia macam ade bulu kat tekak. kesian.. I told my hubby kita mesti bawak dia gi hospital cos tgk cam lain je. Skali tu dia muntah macam nak terbalik.. segala khazanah perut keluar. Panik jap laki bini!! sooo sad to see him like this... baru je nak pisah dgn bapak 10 hari sakit teruk. Kita orang pun bawak gi hospital balik kat 12 malam. penat....

so memang jahat hati nie.. but i told my husband the truth. As much as i understand the need for him to go but i can't help being selfish.... that I need him for myself.

This is our cinonet with the cutest grin on earth! Even when he is sick he will always manage a smile and a laugh!

Tempayan tu semua dah simpan balik dalam store room.......

just when

Yesterday when me and Lun spoke, she asked me whether my hubby is going to US. I said no cos we didn't hear any updates on the trip. Skali tu tak pasal2x confirm cos he got a cheap ticket there. *sigh*.. sapa nak tolong aku kat rumah nie? handling this boy is my major concern. HOw do i explain that to him cos I know he's gonna be asking day after day. argghhhh.. that will be my major anxiety. And is very close to the daddy.. oh boy! ohboy!

Well hubby leaves saturday and comes back on 20th. arghhh tooo long!! Hopefully i dont give birth any time soon.

tak gi kerja lagi

nari mc lagi sekali. kali nie batuk. sakit dah kat 3 minggu tak baik2x. mungkin kerana tak dapat tidor betul. semalam pukul 3 -6 pagi tak dapat tido. maybe the last few weeks of pembawaan ke? lately and frequently i get back aches sakit macam nak terbalik.

baby is moving violently .. my helper has started her work yesterday. alhamdulillah. so far kita boleh ngam. Insha Allah she will be helping me when I come back from hospital. Tengok rumah bersih.. senonoh.. happy rasa..

Nari ijust continue kemas sikit2x...

oh yeah nak tanya .. nak gi hospital nie nak pack ape eh? dah lupa. bag ape nak kena pakai?

dah 2 hari tak gi kerja

yup. 2 hari. sebab.. entah.. memang rasa tak sihat. tapi bila dah dok rumah rasa okay pulak. gi kerja je macam orang sakit.

i have bought the bedsheet... yang menyedihkan semua bedsheet i saw has CNY splashing all over it. Wrong time to buy. In the end i bought this soft pink spring looking bedsheet. and I bought a tablecover... ummm im short of words.. floral also. memandangkan table kat dapur nie dah cantik..hubby is making it his worktable cum study table. arrrghhh!

Oh i sold off my sony cybershot! i got $100 for that. I was hoping for 200 but hubby said dont get hopes too high. ehhee. Now pestering hubby to get another camera!. where is the logic! haahhahaha ..alhamdulillah .. my husband loves me and loves to tolerate me. Alhamdulillah.

Went to Joo Chiat complex. Fun. Been a long time. Saw nice curtains for umar's room. Quite expensive but good quality and design. Sooo mengeram. Arrghhh!!!

Im trying to learn to accept the fact that I am replaceable. Long story. But never knew that to swallow that feeling is hard.

And this muharram..i'm trying my best to rekindle a stronger relationship with Allah. Very hard job but really really am trying. Please pray for me. Amin.

*suddenly i'm thinking of keledek cooked in daun pandan... yummy.