The end of 2006

Promise me you'll remember

This love together today

We may not have tomorrow

It's not for us to say

If we should lose each other

Somewhere inside the dark

Promise me you'll remember

How good we are

Why do I find this sadness

Under your sweetest kiss

Destiny seems to whisper

It won't stay like this

Whenever we're together

I feel time standing still

I only know I love you

And I always will

If we should lose each other

Somewhere inside the dark

Promise me you'll remember

How good we are

Time isn't kind to lovers

It breaks the hardest heart

Promise me you'll remember

How good we are

Love theme from Godfather III

By Harry Connick Jr

For all love that was lost in 2006, for a man for a woman for passion for a country for a statesman. Eid Mubarak.

Pregnancy amnesia

Yes mine is quite teruk... i can forget things within split seconds and its hard for me to recall or even try to retrace my steps.

ANYWAY!!! I found the bags of baby stuffs which i thought i must have thrown it out together with the trash! Camne tah it appeared at the bottom pile (well belum sempat kemas) in my closet. So out appeared 1 dozen more clothes, 2 bottles, brush.. etc! *sigh* okay lah alhamdulillah .. now she has 3 dozen clothes and 5 sets of mittens and booties! and 2 hats.

okay what else. Oh yeah went to the gynae today... okay i must have mis-read my own body weight. I have gained almost 5 kg in 1 mth. That's 10kg in total!!!!! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!! I was shocked that I weighed myself on the machine TWICE! and i fear another 10kg gain in the next 3mths!! anyway.. i was kinda feeling upset/confused/disappppointed with myself.. cos i thot baby would be small but seems like she's gonna just as big as Umar. *sigh*.. I fear it maybe another c-section eventho the gynae didnt say anything about it. She said kedudukan baby is melintang... maybe she needed the space and she said got room in my tummy so boleh main pusing2x! She said its still early anyway.

*sigh*

i wish for morning - an appeal

For once in my life I wish morning would just be round the corner. I don't want to sleep tonite if I can. But yes I know it's not good for me.

I wanna be the first to know that my loved ones are alrite and safe from harm. Night time just takes that away. The fear of a fleeting moment - that something could happen to any one of them.

I was thankful that each time I wake up to pee (lately) that I hear the sound of the rain. It gave me comfort and covered me with a warm blanket. But not tonite rain. You can continue your duty but nite I want the sun to come out and assure me that things are alrite. I want to get rid of fear in me. I want to be at ease.

So please sun come out sooner for me... put my fear at ease.

Feels like home

A good chat with TD last nite lifted my spirits. Gave me a sense of 'home' ... familiarity.

I am still thinking about Mardijah Aldrich Tarantino. I can't get over it!

Thanks for the time TD.

i_mshe

i don't understand people

I don't understand people who make relationships be it friendship, intimate relationships, bgr, ggr or bbr even - complex. Why do people make it hard on other people in order to satisfy themselves? I had a friend who had mood swings. It affected me a lot cos nothing I do was right. And till now I have yet to ask why this friend acted that way. Why the mood swings? I deserve some answers. Anyway I dread going back to the office. Pls rain the whole day and night and day and night.

overdoing

Yes I think I am overdoing it. My girl has 2 dozens clothes that may last her till she is 6-8mths! But I can't remember where I put some of her clothes that she is suppose to wear when she comes back from the hospital. Still we have yet to complete our baby stuff shopping. And I absolutely when crazy (eksyen je) when I saw this baby bag from mothercare that cost $125!!!

Ahh... at 27 weeks I can't wait to give birth! I have like hmm 13 weeks to go.. Macam lama lagi gitu. I can't wait! I pray that Allah will give her health, iman and wisdom. Amin. Thus far i've gained like 6kg only. Unlike when I was pregnant with umar I totally ballooned! And i'm all in love with my son, Umar cos he keeps me laughing. Of course he gets on my nerve but he is simply too adorable and I love him soooooooooo much. Ah speaking of him, school re-opens soon. He will be takign the school bus next year. I wish I don't have to put him on the bus. It's like abandoning him .. a betrayal! *sigh* it has to be done. I can't imagine him 1 hr on the bus ride to school and home. arrrghhhh. Allah please protect my son from harm.

This one (the girl) has character... and pretty vocal ( i hope she is pretty and vocal!) Sometimes i have to tell her to tone down abit or to keep quiet (hehehe dalam perut dah kena marah!) and amazingly she understood and listened to me!

But I'm a sensitive schmuck which i've never been. Easily offended especially when I feel my husband did wrong (or something nothing wrong even!). I crave for expensive chocolates! yipes! but i hold myself back - and fresh fruit juice and fruits. And I like McCafe's cappucino..which early morning today I overdose myself on it!

I don't know whether to rejoice the time I have now or to be impatient for the baby's arrival.. which means I'm gonna be very busy. I can't imagine what 2007 would hold for me or how things maybe. I simply cannnot imagine how things will be with 2 kids. So how is it for you lun and ligo? tell me.

katakan yang benar walaupun ia pahit

This is the hardest thing to do isn't it? Takes courage, comfort and disclosure. I'm back to square 1. Re-finding myself again. I shelved it for a few months now and it creep in me today. I miss learning Balaghah.

If I accept

the sunshine and warmth

I must also accept

the thunder and lightning.

(Khalil Gibran from Mary Haskell’s Journal. March 12, 1922.)

The colors of the morning

Taking a break from all the morning hassle, I love the colors of morning. Its greying blue. I can't imagine waking up to color of red morning or bright green or purple. It's a sign of Allah's mercy on us, helping our eyes brain and senses adjust from night to day.

I like looking at the morning dew scattered on the spiderwebs. Gives me a sense of coolness and calmness inside. Most of all, I like looking at the egrets scattered and scavenging for food on the field near my house. It breaks the monotony of the bricks, mortars and facade that we carry day to day.

Good morning!

somethings you just got to accept and live with it

Today morning my mom called me telling me she feels unwell ... there was blood in her spetum (camne nak spell bende nie.. tak ingat) So me kelam kabut go to the house.. There are somethings i wish i could share for the love of my mother with you all. tapi tak terdaya nak tulis. I was just terribly sad, upset, disappointed and felt it was just beyond my control. What can you say about orang tua. Dorang dah make up their mind kan. Susah nak kata.. macam2x alasan keluar. Believe me I am dead tired rite now. I got home at 10pm. Alhamdulillah i guess it is a blessing now i am working part-time and my employers don't mind me taking off and making it up later. Alhamdulillah juga perut tak sakit pinggang tak sakit. Semalam pergi botanical garden and vivocity... sakit perut and pinggang. Allah kesian kan agaknye. I am just soo speechless and I have no more comment on this cos it's emotionally draining and it is a worthless fight cos we are not going to win. Kadang2x fikiran nie jahat.. brapa lama eh...mungkin tak lama hidupnye... sungguh tak baik fikir gini tapi it's the best for her and for us. Cos ade limit kalau gitu. tapi kalau fikirkan sapa2x pun boleh datang ajal tak kira muda atau tua. Sebab tu kadang2x rasa nak lari saje. Forget this world. Penat. I don't blame my husband for getting angry also. I know he wants to protect me. Tapi ye lah nie nama dia cultural difference. Dia tak faham and tak boleh terima how things just work. Tak boleh just move on and live with it.

memang

Arghhhh Tolong bantu!!! Obviously I made some changes...AND I don't know how to do it!!! Help! p/s : I'm hungry

upgrade

Arghhhhhhhhh

I lost my post!

I've upgraded for the benefit of my bloghealth.

Plans for the weekend - saturday - open house and on sunday morning picnic at botanical garden.

I watched pgltm i lovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee it sooooooooo muchhhhhh! Proud of my jiran! AC Mizal is my fav and Afdlin Aman Ramlie is simply sexy!