alhamdulillah

I got another job interview on tuesday at 10am. Pray for me yeah

• Now feeling exhausted - came home from interview then brought nuha for her jab.

• interview tadi okaylah. I wasn't nervous. Mungkin sebab this would be my third time going there. Basically they want me. but less pay and some benefits. I asked for a week to think abt it. But I think I will try to buy some time. I AM still hoping for other interview offers.

• Do you think its ethical to work then leave should a better offer come? or go for somethign part-time and then leave for somethign better.

• Im sleepy

hujan di tengah malam

My interview is at 10am. Going to leave the house by 9am. I asked my maid earlier on to wash my tudung.. nak pakai nanti to the interview. Skali hujan di tengah malam. Dengan kelamkabutnye I woke up to rescue my wet tudung. Nevermindlah.Hopefully it will dry by 8am. Or else have to have contingency tudung.

Couldn't sleep so had instant noodle (Pernah dengar tak brand Mie Sedap?) and started to diddle (what does this mean anyway?) with the blog template. Maklumlah ada rumah baru.. nak perfect lah. Siapa tahu camne nak stretch the pic and make the words appear in full? Cos it only appears as BigMomm to me rather than BigMomma.

Lagi satu hal, something wrong with me explorer. Kalau new window open, the whole thing ada error and ada window dialog that comes out to say send message /dont send message to microsoft blablabla... Sapa expert dalam hal nie tolong bantu ya? Oh and this started to happen when hubby downloaded skype (hai memandai je.. bukannye a technie person)

Walaupun hujan lebat tadi.. me berpeluh2x macam makan kat warung tengah malam.

Somehow I macam takde hati with this job interview.. because they are not offering any benefits. Kerja dapat gaji bulat2x je. Benefits very important. See what they say later on.

I need facial. Walaupun tak pernah pergi facial in my life, my skin is dry and hidung berkerapu dengan white AND black heads. yuck.

Next month hubby's birthday. I want to do something special. I realised we don't have a special song together (macam citer My Bestfriend's Wedding gitu.. I noticed something, I don't really fancy Julia Roberts, but I can't avoid watching her movies.. like I don't really fancy JLo but I can't help watching her movies, although I do find Monster in law hilarious). So the song yang beralunan in Awan's blog tu, Sade's By your side .. i find it perfect for us. Nak bawak gi fancy restaurant.. hmm kat mana? Johor? Almaklumlah.. unemployed. Budget is literally zero. Takkan nak mintak dia duit to spend on him kan? hehehehehe.

Okaylah lemme go now. i'll update alittle later when I get back from the interview. Toodleloo!

dilema wanita - part 2

What Ligo posted the other day.. made me think and what has been happening made me want to post dilema wanita .. my own.

My maid started working since Monday. Well not really Monday.. Tuesday cos she arrived almost 6pm. I brief her On the JOb for the past few days on what to do.. giving instruction as we go by. I had prepared 4 page rules and regulation plus schedule and things to remember.

Having her around gave me a sense of freedom to do more things I want and gave me more time to be my children. And I see them differently now. Like Umar, I appreciate him more now. I guess when he was struggling too when I was just me at home without a fulltime helper. He had his tantrums he's constant nos and the need for reasoning. And my constant struggle with my inner self for the house to be in order, that I am wasting time feeding Nuha when I should be multi tasking as much as possible.

The other day I asked him do you want me to work or stay at home. He said stay at home. I asked why he said bcs no1 will fetch me (when his bus comes). Come to think of it.. how did I survive during confinement.. during those times when my husband had to work and I had to go downstairs, totally unwell with Nuha in hand to fetch him. I did it.. and on Saturday Nuha will be 3mths old.

When we got married and had Umar, we told ourselves that we are not going to get a maid. That it will be family care at the most. Childcare or infantcare was fare from our minds. We felt sad for those parents who had to send their kids off to infantcare or childcare and we hope that they are well taken care of. We were terrified for those parents who had no options but entrust a maid to care for their children and household. We felt blessed for the choice that we had at that time.

Umar and me went to pasar this morning. And it's amazing. We had a wonderful time together.. at the pasar! and I was thinking to myself, this can't be bougtht. These are the moments which be replaced. And i won't get this if and when i work. The force of economy, personal desire to be better balance tipped against pure motherhood. Some camps told me that I should go all out to achieve what I want when the kids are younger.. like travelling and pursuing Masters.

Then comes in the maid.

We discussed my 4paged R&R. Towards the end of the discussion, she raised the issue of Sunday off. I said that for the next 3mths not yet. Let me learn to trust her. She was almost enraged. SHe got up from her seat. And Nuha was in her arms. Her reaction shocked me more than anything else. She started prancing back and forth like a lawyer. Putting forth her arguments and me putting up mine. She won't let in even. I said I'll think about it and give her an answer. Then another issue of December leave. She asked whether she will get compensated since she doesn't want to go back. I said no because I paid full fare for her trip.Then she said mite as well she go back and she kept repeating that and I said okay go and I maintained my ground. I guess she was hoping I would show a hint of desperation.

Upon discussion with hubby, he said let her have her Sunday off bcs we have too much at stake and we dont want to create tension with her.

Well the good thing was we could still talk after that R&R discussion. Well I started learning the pendinding verse.

saturday - exhausted

I thot i had the longest sleep ever last nite. I woke up with soreness and exhaustion.

Why? Bcs I received a disturbing letter from my ex-company. It lived in my dream the whole nite.

I wanna be even better than what I am now.

Sometimes I contradict myself.. maybe i'm the iffy person but sometimes i just want a relax mediocre life.. and other times i wanna be a high flyer and live the high life.

May be i'm just a confuse me.

what's been happening

The Great WTL Visit

Well one we all (I think Lun and Ligo would agree with me) that WTL doesn't waste time.. she shops till she drops (well maybe till her toes ache). And she has some jumping beans in her. ONe things for sure it is nice to see her in SG. And I love her buying choices! heheheh i can't imagine if we all go shopping together can pengsan for sure.

And it's been a lonnnnnng time since i do long walks and both me and wtl realised that we barely have enough energy for these walks. I get back aches easily. And in response to these aches and pains, I'm taking cold liver oil - the capsule form and vit C.

I should thank hubby for giving me time off and be with the kids while i zip around town with Ms Zippy.

Silly us,, we didnt take picture together! Nanti I will post the pics. And it's good to know that WTL will be coming again .. Year End Sale?

Past 3mths staying at home qualifying the stay at home mom title - i learn that when the diaper is ultra dirty till it dirties the shirt or pants.. just throw them.Don't even bother washing them. Waste water.

And this is the best time to take advantage of the helpful courteous taxi driver campaign. It is good that taxi drivers do help with my stroller and bags.

Oh yeah.. will bring Nuha for snip-snip nextweek. Let my mom do the honours. I can't bare it.

And Umar did an MRI. Apparently there is some pus in his sinus passage and its stuck there. So that's why he gets sick often. The last one lasted 2mths. The only option is surgery and I can't bare that. He is too young to go thru such things and he won't understand and the trauma will be just too great. So we .. well I am force feeding yucky cold liver oil and vit c for him too. To build his immune system. And he lives on warm water and no chocolates or sweets. And this will apply to Nuha as well.

I'm just the exhausted housewife.