• 10:50pm - usually i'd be asleep at this hour .. once all the kids are asleep. Tonite.. I just some time to myself.
• My maid application approve and a sudden rush of anxiety overwhelmed me all day. I hope it goes away. May be this house is a little cramp for 3 adults and 2 kids. whatmore a stranger and some1 we need to learn to trust. It's a tough thing to do.
• We wanted umar to continue having his privacy while hubby maintains his home-office. However, no matter how we work the numbers, umar had to give in. Hubby needs his home-office space. I talked to umar about it.. I told him that we are going to have a helper living with us and helping us out with household chores. I asked him whether it's ok to have the helper sleep in his room. He did give it a thought (I'm amazed at this 3yr old!). He said its okay. I said we try this arrangement if its not comfortable for umar we have to sacrifice the home-office room and have some other form of arrangement
• When I got married, I thought a small house would be enough for us. I didn't think we'd go as far as having 2 kids and a helper living with us.
• When hubby suggested we get a bigger house, I told him I love this house... and I kinda like our neighbours (our age with young kids) . I just can't do it right now. However deep in me I would wanna move BUT it has to be a private property. Why? Not that I want to boast that we could afford (we can't at all!) but it's a dream I would want to achieve. Living in a house not a pigeon hole (eventhough I love the one I have)
• My other dilemma - now that there is a maid - should I work fulltime or remain part-time and work for hubby the other half. I would prefer doing the latter. Of course the question is whethr we could afford me going part-time.
• I was initially against the idea of having a maid but after the illness, it's a need. I can't force everything on hubby.Enough of stressing him out.
• It's been a month since i last watched tv. Nuha and Umar take up most of my time. I'm too pooped to watch anythng or even read the day's papers.
• Umar asked why the doctor have to cut me up ( I don't know who told him about this). He asked me this numerous times. I gave same asnwer everytime. To take Nuha out of my tummy. I said he came out the same way too.
• He asked me anymore Nuha while pointing to my tummy. I said no more.
• His choice of words are really cute - like he would say words like "uncomfortable" "cosy" "hibernation"
• I gotta put him in some reading class. He loves to spell eventhough he can't make out the words!

Nuha 1 mth

Its weird ... and amazing how you can fall in love with a child.. especially your own. She is 1 mth today. I had a few colleagues over for lunch. My helper is great help.

Oh some updates.. i'm going to get a full-time maid. Lun.. i didnt get a chance to call your cousin as i had a transfer maid.. seems to be a whole lot cheaper. Some glitches rite now. Maid will start in July. That's the time when I start work back.

A former colleague saying how much he loved his new workplace... hmm in my heart i became confuse.. i thot to myself maybe i should just move on rather than stay at the same place for convinience sake. Anyway one of these days need to go back to office to do some stuff.

Oh yeah my new hp.. just like cekya's ... its almost 1 week old - i got to take it in .. everytime i make a call i hear a buzzing sound. irritating. and the camera has green/yellow tinge.

tomorrow im bringing nuha for her 1mth jab.. hep b i think. well... again back to the old confuse me.

Alhamdulillah after the most horrible time of my life i can safely say that I am much much better in fact i dare say that I am almost back to my normal health. Thank you TD for your generous reminders. Yes in fact Bilal bin Rabah is one of my favourite heroes of all times other than the great Umar Al Khattab.

Yesterday after a gruelling 24hrs of diarhhoea, vomitting and giddiness, Allah inclined me to visit my 'old' doc. Who said i was severely dehydrated. He gave me a jab on the butt and referred me to the hospital. Alhamdulillah at the hospital the doc put me on the drip gave me some more shots on the butt. I was out cold for 2hrs or so. I woke up feeling better but scared to say that I feel better. In fact I woke up feeling that I should get some food in my tummy! Okay Okay enough of food.

But yes I was thinking it is my kaffarah. Agaknye dosa aku byk curse people while I was pregnant with Nuha. Or with my own family members. Wallahu'alam. I was 'ready' to surrender myself eventhough half of me wanted to fight on. Whatever the outcome I must redha.

But most of all I owe it to you all, Lun, Ligo, TheDreamer, WTL, Cekmi and those who dropped by silently and prayed for my health. THank you Allah for giving me such wonderful friends! Thanks Ligo for also offering your service to me. I couldn't dream of anyone doing that for me! Thank you!

I'm back! Nuha is 3weeks old today(40-21 = 19 days!) My countdown continues!

BTW.. it's time to kill those itching curiosity http://sushita.multiply.com/

just a short update

Salaam

I had the worst week of my life. It was literally fighting to live. It was the angin dalam perut that was literally overtaking my life. My greatest challenge was even when I went to gynae after going to the emergency the day before things did not change. Wait, I think the greatest challenge was when MY tukang urut was down with flu when i need her most. It was the greatest challenge to find some1 who could help in times of need. I felt so confine, constraint, the pain slowed me down so much. I barely had any sleep for ever since godknowswhen. I barely took care of Nuha even. Eventually i gave up and called my mom and sis crying in pain. I dont wanna go hospital again cos that means investigation and stuff. My poor hubby felt so helpless and I knew he was damn stressed. I prayed to Allah to get rid of the pain out of my body immediately so that i could be with my family again.

Its been a week since the pain started. I am slowly recovering. I hope to recover fully very very soon. Help for baby care is rare. Helper only does housework for me.

Dear all please pray for the return of my health. I wanna be with my family and enjoy them. Right now is soo depressing not being able to enjoy their company. Please pray for that I be fit soon. I'm so sad to see my hubby so down and stressed with me being unwell. and that he has to take care of everything in the house.

OH Allah please please I'm begging you, please make me healthy again.

Salam again All.

Today i have major stomachache. Sampai bergulung2x. Since yesterday actually tapi nari semakin terok. tadi gi doc,doc kata terlalu byk angin. It was damn painful sampai terasa contraction again. I hope to get better.. argghhhh.

Duduk kat rumah nie macam tgh buat NEW YeAr countdown. Dah 10 days dah. 30 more to go! Tapi yang menghairankan.. tetap takde masa nak upload pics.

Nuha has been an owl. Siang hari macam budak baik malam hari main mata. But she has been healthy alhamdulillah.

This confinement is a challenge. I've been on my own even with a helper. My grandmother passed away when I gave birth to Nuha. And today another sedara passed away. My family has been busy with funerals so I have to fend for myself. Alhamdulillah gerakan Allah untuk dapatkan helper. Who is alhamdulillah has been very very very helpful and kind. Macam nak employ her fully but she doesn't want. Cos this way she earns more. Ye lah faham.. keperluan orang.

First few days and I think up till now I've been minah emo. Sikit2x nangis sikit2x keciiikkk hati. Sikit2x marah. Maybe cos I feel alone and lonely. Hubby of course has been patient and a great support tak boleh tercompare. Even tho masa kat dalam labour ward tu, dia asyik main talipon je! I feel like nak rampas talipon tu buang kat tingkap. He had to arrange for coaches to replace him so ade kecoh sikit lah. Cuma kalau dah dalam kesakitan mana nak paham bende nie semua.

Cekya - yeah it happened also bila i nak give birth to umar as well. While waiting to dilate, I tawaf satu ward tu lah. And at that point tgh craving for Milo. Apparently hospital ni, the Milo sedap giler. Tgh sakit perut, jalan2x ternampak misi pushing a cart with milo. Wah ape lagi. I pun tanya Milo nie datang dari mana? Terlalu sedap. Misi tu sengeh je. Agaknye dia pikir budak nie tak betul tgh sakit perut boleh pikir pasal Milo. Oh yeah food also. I got food masa kat dalam labour ward jugak masa nak deliver umar. I think my gynae dah paham. Budak nie suka makan walau dalam kesakitan.

Thedreamer - well c-section sebab cervix tak dilate and my contractions dah 2-3mins apart. Budak sudah mau keluar tapi macam ade wall gitu. Apalagi mau tunggu, gua bilang cut me up! I pun almost lost my mind i think cos i could barely recall what happen during that extreme labour pain.

So pray for my speedy health yeah. Meantime I try to be as cheerful as possible!