Last few weeks i've been busy with interviews. I've told by my own sister that it seems my brain has decayed ever since i last worked. I truly agree with her. Sometimes i suffer wordlessness and i can't seem to express myself coherently. And to switch malay to english and english to malay when I need it i would come to a stump.
Anyway All praises are due to Allah who has helped me throughout my unemployment period. He has allowed me the time to be more with my family and to get to know them even better. I can't imagine how work has taken away soo much of knowing my own flesh and blood and my loving husband. What more He had helped through the period of uneasiness by settling in comfortably in my role as a mother. In addition I did not forget my role as a sister and a daughter. I sense my mom's delight when she summoned me to go out with her. She must feel i've never been this mobile in my entire relationship with her.
I've kissed my kids numerous times a day, smell their sweaty head, bite their meaty arms, tickle and wrestle with Umar and babble along with Nuha. Going back to work next Monday will make me miss my time with my love ones. I wished there is two of me. Occassionally this fear would sneak in me - that my daughter would love my helper more than me. That she smells her more than me. I am glad that my workplace is literally a walking distance. I could sneak back home and sneak kisses and hugs and love to my daughter and hurry home at 6 for me to hug my son. I have told my husband that I don't want to work (no matter how badly decayed my brain would be) that may be I would want to work part-time only. I can't help but cry right now in pain of eventually leaving my children to my helper and Pray to Allah to look after them. And I know they will miss me as much as I miss them.
Any mother would have gone from sanity to crazy and sanity and crazy again for having to leave their kids behind to work!
9 comments:
u will get use to it dear..
eh...umar n nuha dah besar. Especially nuha. masa jumpa dulu kecil lagi.
she is 5mths now. Can babble and eat twice a day. LOVES to eat! Just like me! hehehhe
nanti bila nuha dah pandai cakap and say "i dont want you to go to work, i want to stay at home with me. play with me'
ah..that moment--> speechless
Umar dah cakap dah tu the other day.. aiyoo hancur hati
comelnya budak masham 2 org tuhh...eiii geram tgk mata nuha. reminds me of alfie. rasa nak gigit their arms jugak. hehehehhe
memang bijik mata nuha memang menggeramkan especially kalau dia nak buat bodoh and see thru people. AND she has a habit of doing that.
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