been busy

Never has my Ramadhan been this busy. Kids and hubby sick. Eversince I started working 3 weeks ago i barely attend a full week at work. I feel guilty and i feel like bailing out. This also means I haven't had the chance to do my Raya shopping. Even for my maid, I tell her that she has a choice whether to keep the money which I will give her later as Hari Raya money or buy new clothes. But she has to go by herself. No time. My pintu gate dah teruk. Can barely open the gate. So I had to get a new one. They are fixing it this Saturday. (Argh there goes another Saturday). It really does feel like im running out of time.

My poor son, Umar while I was busy and stressed out tending to daddy (cos daddy was having a real nasty fever that didn't wanna go down) he did his homework ALL BY HIMSELF! I'm sooo touched and I'm amazed that he knew what to do all by himself even wrote his name on every page!

He's the sweetest boy on earth! I can't imagine how beautiful his character is. He is really has been pleasing. Alhamdulillah i'm soo happy for have a son like him. Nuha has been the jumping baby. It's like I ate jumping beans while I was pregnant.

You know looking at the kids make wanna have 1 more. But ummmmm lemme have a long hard thinking first!

kalau tak kerana wtl, tak sempat nak update pun!

okaylah kengkorang.

THE RULES:

1. Each blogger must post these rules first.

2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they've tagged, and to read ur blog.

1. I'm an impromptu person. I get the rush from doing things impromptu especially when it has to do with planning or coming up with ideas for events.

2. I like to think that I am different. Being a libran I AIM TO STAND OUT.

3. I've always wanted to do more in life but sometimes i stopped short. This happens with many things.

4. I don't like to ask for directions unless i'm in a hurry. I like to discover it myself.

5. I discovered that I can be pushy when i exercise my pushy buttons. Otherwise I've always known myself as lilmissnice.

6. Sometimes I dread wearing size 10 (shoes that is)

7. I love flowers and I love giving people flowers (however they must enjoy receiving it in order for me to enjoy giving .... huh???). In fact its part of my retirement plan .. to set up a florist

8. I love soft cookies!

Im sucha busy momma!

Last few weeks i've been busy with interviews. I've told by my own sister that it seems my brain has decayed ever since i last worked. I truly agree with her. Sometimes i suffer wordlessness and i can't seem to express myself coherently. And to switch malay to english and english to malay when I need it i would come to a stump.

Anyway All praises are due to Allah who has helped me throughout my unemployment period. He has allowed me the time to be more with my family and to get to know them even better. I can't imagine how work has taken away soo much of knowing my own flesh and blood and my loving husband. What more He had helped through the period of uneasiness by settling in comfortably in my role as a mother. In addition I did not forget my role as a sister and a daughter. I sense my mom's delight when she summoned me to go out with her. She must feel i've never been this mobile in my entire relationship with her.

I've kissed my kids numerous times a day, smell their sweaty head, bite their meaty arms, tickle and wrestle with Umar and babble along with Nuha. Going back to work next Monday will make me miss my time with my love ones. I wished there is two of me. Occassionally this fear would sneak in me - that my daughter would love my helper more than me. That she smells her more than me. I am glad that my workplace is literally a walking distance. I could sneak back home and sneak kisses and hugs and love to my daughter and hurry home at 6 for me to hug my son. I have told my husband that I don't want to work (no matter how badly decayed my brain would be) that may be I would want to work part-time only. I can't help but cry right now in pain of eventually leaving my children to my helper and Pray to Allah to look after them. And I know they will miss me as much as I miss them.

Any mother would have gone from sanity to crazy and sanity and crazy again for having to leave their kids behind to work!

My current craze and I might wanna subscribe to it too!

When I was just a child

• I see all things as living things, as having life to it. That you would hurt the spoon if you put in the hot gravy.
• I talked to snails. (Last check, I talked to snails about 3years ago)
• I had a car when other kids have bike. In fact I think this is the first toy they ever bought for any of their children.
• I figured that if I comb my hair to the left or right, it would help the hair on the other side grow. I believe in giving chances even to my own hair.
• I thought that if I put baby powder on my eyelids it would enhance my eyes. That's my eyeshadow.
• That if i eat Benson's sweets and like my lips with it and let the sticky stuff remains, that'll be my lipgloss.
• That if I put powder on the floor in the living room, that would be my skating arena.
• Some of my favourite toys was my dialphone, green soldiers figurine, saga seeds, magnets and a ball.
• That if i tie two curtains together it would become a swing.

How lovely!

tired and let me kick my own butt

Take a break

I think this will be my favourite entry. It's because things like these will only remain as memory and maybe the future generation will not be able to appreciate such existance especially in such a cosmopolitan country like singapore. Where else can we find serenity, idllyic getaway close to the Creator.

I went to an old part of Sembawang just the other day. Years ago when I visited this inner part of Sembawang, there was an old surau sitting on stilts. I didn't get a chance to capture that in picture. The mosque was like a fishermen's port. There were evidence of seashells embedded on the soil all the way leading to the surau. The surau was still surrounded by kampung houses. Just next to it was early signs of development. Trucks and cranes busily doing what they were suppose to do.

But when I went to the site the other day, it was all semi-detached houses - what use to be the surau on stilts.

Not so far down in a little corner next to Sembawang Park, drive in thru the semi-detached houses where the formerly known Kampung Wak Hassan used to be. Wak Hassan's name are now mere road signs. Wonder who was Wak Hassan. I heard the land is a wakaf land. So when you drive in thru the semi-detached houses you will suddenly overcome by a small road barely tarred, but its cleanliness and the idllyic feeling will take you away breathless. I have heard of this name numerous times. Never thought I will encounter it this way.

It was a clean plot of land and I learned that the former kampung residents still comeby for Jumaat prayers and I'm sure Ramadhan and Eids are just as magical as what I can imagine.

Here are some pictures to share because i don't know how long the mosque committee will win the war against urban development. In many ways things looks like its going against them. Just a few kilometres is a mosque in the urban jungle thriving with activities.

The front of the mosque

The cute lil' reban ayam

The fruit of labour

warning!

I can't imagine that Pasir Gudang is literally a stone's throw.

An evidence how long this mosque has been around. Compare it with the signage at the top. Look at the postal code. One of the rarest road signs still left in Singapore. Please don't take it out or refurbished it.

Ah well! This calls for heritage preservation. How many Malay kampungs and landmarks has been demolished to make way for development?

hari ini

My interview is today at 3pm!!! they just called this morning.arrrrrrrrrghhhhhh... *palpitation*

I'm meeting Cekmi for lunch later with lun, ligo(??) and cekmi's fren! I tot sempat gi Arab st beli tudung. i guess i have to make do with what i have!

alhamdulillah

I got another job interview on tuesday at 10am. Pray for me yeah

• Now feeling exhausted - came home from interview then brought nuha for her jab.

• interview tadi okaylah. I wasn't nervous. Mungkin sebab this would be my third time going there. Basically they want me. but less pay and some benefits. I asked for a week to think abt it. But I think I will try to buy some time. I AM still hoping for other interview offers.

• Do you think its ethical to work then leave should a better offer come? or go for somethign part-time and then leave for somethign better.

• Im sleepy

hujan di tengah malam

My interview is at 10am. Going to leave the house by 9am. I asked my maid earlier on to wash my tudung.. nak pakai nanti to the interview. Skali hujan di tengah malam. Dengan kelamkabutnye I woke up to rescue my wet tudung. Nevermindlah.Hopefully it will dry by 8am. Or else have to have contingency tudung.

Couldn't sleep so had instant noodle (Pernah dengar tak brand Mie Sedap?) and started to diddle (what does this mean anyway?) with the blog template. Maklumlah ada rumah baru.. nak perfect lah. Siapa tahu camne nak stretch the pic and make the words appear in full? Cos it only appears as BigMomm to me rather than BigMomma.

Lagi satu hal, something wrong with me explorer. Kalau new window open, the whole thing ada error and ada window dialog that comes out to say send message /dont send message to microsoft blablabla... Sapa expert dalam hal nie tolong bantu ya? Oh and this started to happen when hubby downloaded skype (hai memandai je.. bukannye a technie person)

Walaupun hujan lebat tadi.. me berpeluh2x macam makan kat warung tengah malam.

Somehow I macam takde hati with this job interview.. because they are not offering any benefits. Kerja dapat gaji bulat2x je. Benefits very important. See what they say later on.

I need facial. Walaupun tak pernah pergi facial in my life, my skin is dry and hidung berkerapu dengan white AND black heads. yuck.

Next month hubby's birthday. I want to do something special. I realised we don't have a special song together (macam citer My Bestfriend's Wedding gitu.. I noticed something, I don't really fancy Julia Roberts, but I can't avoid watching her movies.. like I don't really fancy JLo but I can't help watching her movies, although I do find Monster in law hilarious). So the song yang beralunan in Awan's blog tu, Sade's By your side .. i find it perfect for us. Nak bawak gi fancy restaurant.. hmm kat mana? Johor? Almaklumlah.. unemployed. Budget is literally zero. Takkan nak mintak dia duit to spend on him kan? hehehehehe.

Okaylah lemme go now. i'll update alittle later when I get back from the interview. Toodleloo!

dilema wanita - part 2

What Ligo posted the other day.. made me think and what has been happening made me want to post dilema wanita .. my own.

My maid started working since Monday. Well not really Monday.. Tuesday cos she arrived almost 6pm. I brief her On the JOb for the past few days on what to do.. giving instruction as we go by. I had prepared 4 page rules and regulation plus schedule and things to remember.

Having her around gave me a sense of freedom to do more things I want and gave me more time to be my children. And I see them differently now. Like Umar, I appreciate him more now. I guess when he was struggling too when I was just me at home without a fulltime helper. He had his tantrums he's constant nos and the need for reasoning. And my constant struggle with my inner self for the house to be in order, that I am wasting time feeding Nuha when I should be multi tasking as much as possible.

The other day I asked him do you want me to work or stay at home. He said stay at home. I asked why he said bcs no1 will fetch me (when his bus comes). Come to think of it.. how did I survive during confinement.. during those times when my husband had to work and I had to go downstairs, totally unwell with Nuha in hand to fetch him. I did it.. and on Saturday Nuha will be 3mths old.

When we got married and had Umar, we told ourselves that we are not going to get a maid. That it will be family care at the most. Childcare or infantcare was fare from our minds. We felt sad for those parents who had to send their kids off to infantcare or childcare and we hope that they are well taken care of. We were terrified for those parents who had no options but entrust a maid to care for their children and household. We felt blessed for the choice that we had at that time.

Umar and me went to pasar this morning. And it's amazing. We had a wonderful time together.. at the pasar! and I was thinking to myself, this can't be bougtht. These are the moments which be replaced. And i won't get this if and when i work. The force of economy, personal desire to be better balance tipped against pure motherhood. Some camps told me that I should go all out to achieve what I want when the kids are younger.. like travelling and pursuing Masters.

Then comes in the maid.

We discussed my 4paged R&R. Towards the end of the discussion, she raised the issue of Sunday off. I said that for the next 3mths not yet. Let me learn to trust her. She was almost enraged. SHe got up from her seat. And Nuha was in her arms. Her reaction shocked me more than anything else. She started prancing back and forth like a lawyer. Putting forth her arguments and me putting up mine. She won't let in even. I said I'll think about it and give her an answer. Then another issue of December leave. She asked whether she will get compensated since she doesn't want to go back. I said no because I paid full fare for her trip.Then she said mite as well she go back and she kept repeating that and I said okay go and I maintained my ground. I guess she was hoping I would show a hint of desperation.

Upon discussion with hubby, he said let her have her Sunday off bcs we have too much at stake and we dont want to create tension with her.

Well the good thing was we could still talk after that R&R discussion. Well I started learning the pendinding verse.

saturday - exhausted

I thot i had the longest sleep ever last nite. I woke up with soreness and exhaustion.

Why? Bcs I received a disturbing letter from my ex-company. It lived in my dream the whole nite.

I wanna be even better than what I am now.

Sometimes I contradict myself.. maybe i'm the iffy person but sometimes i just want a relax mediocre life.. and other times i wanna be a high flyer and live the high life.

May be i'm just a confuse me.

what's been happening

The Great WTL Visit

Well one we all (I think Lun and Ligo would agree with me) that WTL doesn't waste time.. she shops till she drops (well maybe till her toes ache). And she has some jumping beans in her. ONe things for sure it is nice to see her in SG. And I love her buying choices! heheheh i can't imagine if we all go shopping together can pengsan for sure.

And it's been a lonnnnnng time since i do long walks and both me and wtl realised that we barely have enough energy for these walks. I get back aches easily. And in response to these aches and pains, I'm taking cold liver oil - the capsule form and vit C.

I should thank hubby for giving me time off and be with the kids while i zip around town with Ms Zippy.

Silly us,, we didnt take picture together! Nanti I will post the pics. And it's good to know that WTL will be coming again .. Year End Sale?

Past 3mths staying at home qualifying the stay at home mom title - i learn that when the diaper is ultra dirty till it dirties the shirt or pants.. just throw them.Don't even bother washing them. Waste water.

And this is the best time to take advantage of the helpful courteous taxi driver campaign. It is good that taxi drivers do help with my stroller and bags.

Oh yeah.. will bring Nuha for snip-snip nextweek. Let my mom do the honours. I can't bare it.

And Umar did an MRI. Apparently there is some pus in his sinus passage and its stuck there. So that's why he gets sick often. The last one lasted 2mths. The only option is surgery and I can't bare that. He is too young to go thru such things and he won't understand and the trauma will be just too great. So we .. well I am force feeding yucky cold liver oil and vit c for him too. To build his immune system. And he lives on warm water and no chocolates or sweets. And this will apply to Nuha as well.

I'm just the exhausted housewife.

hmmm where will i be?

i had some bad days lately.. other than nuha nt sleeping daytime.. demanding to be carried all the time.. i was 'fired' from my job..due 2 sm fitnah. No chance to defend myself. O Allah pllease take care of me and my family.

well i scrambling 2 find a job..cos my maid cmg in soon. i can choose to take it easy.. and take my time finding a job but i'm not that kind a person i realised. I feel guilty leaving everything to my hubby.

Good and bad things come together? Well an opportunity to go KL from 28 -31. Yes:) that is something i am looking forward to..take my mind off things.

well ..nuha is up!

In random

Confession - Today is my first attempt to make sambal goreng. My hubby's fave. hm my own verdict? tak cantik.. tapi making me hungry now. I'm weaning off from my helper... need to get back on my feet. She comes in twice a week to help clean only. My tooth broke - arggghhh.. dental appointment at 2pm. A sudden realization of taking care of my health dawned upon me. I've been very very neglecting of myself. Need to take multi vits. Looking at ligo when we met the other day.. sungguh discipline anak2x nye. Hmm mine.. like all over the town gitu. Another realization - I don't have constructive activites for my kids. Need to plan one. Admire Lun also for having such activities with Dibdib. In love - with John Legend and James Morrison. Mother's day - I went to watch spiderman 3. Love the effects. Love the webshots. Love the battle between Harry and Spidey. Draggy and don't like screamy girl, MJ. Sandman looks scary. And I like Aunty Mae's character. such warm old lady reminds me of breadpudding with vanilla sauce on a warm plate. Had my hair cut that day too. Another realization - efforts needed to be a good wife... self presentation very poor lately. Told myself I need to go for hair steaming and attempt to get ear pierced again for the 3rd time! Well what kinda cake are you?

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly. You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality. People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

I think the only male type of human being who could understand what a woman who's name is mother goes thru is a gynaecologist. Not the husband. I get upset easily.. postpartum? maybe i dont know ..all i know is its how i feel and no one understand what i feel. i'll just shut up and move on. I know i'm not the only one who's tired at home. But I am the only one who feels soo lonely and lost. Where is me? what's me like? how do that me sound? what would she say or do? I've got no sound career/life/motherhood/family/me? plan.. I've got to do so many things..it's all on me.. but i'm limited by pain and movement. i'm alone in this. No mother would understand even. (unless u go thru c-section)

• 10:50pm - usually i'd be asleep at this hour .. once all the kids are asleep. Tonite.. I just some time to myself.
• My maid application approve and a sudden rush of anxiety overwhelmed me all day. I hope it goes away. May be this house is a little cramp for 3 adults and 2 kids. whatmore a stranger and some1 we need to learn to trust. It's a tough thing to do.
• We wanted umar to continue having his privacy while hubby maintains his home-office. However, no matter how we work the numbers, umar had to give in. Hubby needs his home-office space. I talked to umar about it.. I told him that we are going to have a helper living with us and helping us out with household chores. I asked him whether it's ok to have the helper sleep in his room. He did give it a thought (I'm amazed at this 3yr old!). He said its okay. I said we try this arrangement if its not comfortable for umar we have to sacrifice the home-office room and have some other form of arrangement
• When I got married, I thought a small house would be enough for us. I didn't think we'd go as far as having 2 kids and a helper living with us.
• When hubby suggested we get a bigger house, I told him I love this house... and I kinda like our neighbours (our age with young kids) . I just can't do it right now. However deep in me I would wanna move BUT it has to be a private property. Why? Not that I want to boast that we could afford (we can't at all!) but it's a dream I would want to achieve. Living in a house not a pigeon hole (eventhough I love the one I have)
• My other dilemma - now that there is a maid - should I work fulltime or remain part-time and work for hubby the other half. I would prefer doing the latter. Of course the question is whethr we could afford me going part-time.
• I was initially against the idea of having a maid but after the illness, it's a need. I can't force everything on hubby.Enough of stressing him out.
• It's been a month since i last watched tv. Nuha and Umar take up most of my time. I'm too pooped to watch anythng or even read the day's papers.
• Umar asked why the doctor have to cut me up ( I don't know who told him about this). He asked me this numerous times. I gave same asnwer everytime. To take Nuha out of my tummy. I said he came out the same way too.
• He asked me anymore Nuha while pointing to my tummy. I said no more.
• His choice of words are really cute - like he would say words like "uncomfortable" "cosy" "hibernation"
• I gotta put him in some reading class. He loves to spell eventhough he can't make out the words!

Nuha 1 mth

Its weird ... and amazing how you can fall in love with a child.. especially your own. She is 1 mth today. I had a few colleagues over for lunch. My helper is great help.

Oh some updates.. i'm going to get a full-time maid. Lun.. i didnt get a chance to call your cousin as i had a transfer maid.. seems to be a whole lot cheaper. Some glitches rite now. Maid will start in July. That's the time when I start work back.

A former colleague saying how much he loved his new workplace... hmm in my heart i became confuse.. i thot to myself maybe i should just move on rather than stay at the same place for convinience sake. Anyway one of these days need to go back to office to do some stuff.

Oh yeah my new hp.. just like cekya's ... its almost 1 week old - i got to take it in .. everytime i make a call i hear a buzzing sound. irritating. and the camera has green/yellow tinge.

tomorrow im bringing nuha for her 1mth jab.. hep b i think. well... again back to the old confuse me.

Alhamdulillah after the most horrible time of my life i can safely say that I am much much better in fact i dare say that I am almost back to my normal health. Thank you TD for your generous reminders. Yes in fact Bilal bin Rabah is one of my favourite heroes of all times other than the great Umar Al Khattab.

Yesterday after a gruelling 24hrs of diarhhoea, vomitting and giddiness, Allah inclined me to visit my 'old' doc. Who said i was severely dehydrated. He gave me a jab on the butt and referred me to the hospital. Alhamdulillah at the hospital the doc put me on the drip gave me some more shots on the butt. I was out cold for 2hrs or so. I woke up feeling better but scared to say that I feel better. In fact I woke up feeling that I should get some food in my tummy! Okay Okay enough of food.

But yes I was thinking it is my kaffarah. Agaknye dosa aku byk curse people while I was pregnant with Nuha. Or with my own family members. Wallahu'alam. I was 'ready' to surrender myself eventhough half of me wanted to fight on. Whatever the outcome I must redha.

But most of all I owe it to you all, Lun, Ligo, TheDreamer, WTL, Cekmi and those who dropped by silently and prayed for my health. THank you Allah for giving me such wonderful friends! Thanks Ligo for also offering your service to me. I couldn't dream of anyone doing that for me! Thank you!

I'm back! Nuha is 3weeks old today(40-21 = 19 days!) My countdown continues!

BTW.. it's time to kill those itching curiosity http://sushita.multiply.com/