This one for all of us who worked damn hard and don't get recognise for nuts

Zuhri - Good luck for the MC-ing bit today! Crankiness due to lack of sleep and rest does us all good! haahhahahahahhahah.. opps sorry.. maybe that crankiness would help. My colleague - the Banana.. wonder whether she has given birth cos I haven't heard from her since Sunday afternoon. Hopefully she is safe and sound and so is baby. I_mshe - Hope to finish as much work today, get to listen to some CD. Today I've decided to be the 'old' me. I'm wearing an oversize shirt (men's shirt) and pants. My casual-lepak look. We work damn hard for our money and some recognition.. now why don't they care? Kickass time!

I did something unethical!

I was reading my recent post and thought to myself that I have nothing to talk about or tell the world today. And just then, a client called telling me the most important news to her and the most happiest news ever to me and her! The most unethical thing in my entire working life was to cry together with her on the phone. I was overjoyed! I was overwhelmed with happiness for her! This is crazy! It's insane! They could revoke my license! ahahahhahahah! Who CARES!

I was sharing her happiness and this great belief in Allah that HE truly opened the ways we measly human beings never thought before. And I was just the means .. I'm not even the means, just the particle that got caught in her shoe and somehow has helped her through God knows what I don't know! Nope I am not being humble I know when I am doing that!

This is truly 100% Allah's doing and He has sent help and that comes in many forms. I learned we just need to look around with our heart.

"God You know that I want to give up and somehow YOU tell me to stay cos there's more work to be done!"

Friday Moments - The Heart

The Poor Man's Book of Assistance is an excellant book of knowledge. One of good lesson which I learn and should be shared is

"A Man's Hearts lies under his Tongue" - Ali R.A The Tongue is the translator of the Heart.

The Poor Man's Book of Assistance

I had the opportunity to listen to Hamza Yusuf's English lecture on the aboved title book. Interesting and reflective to one who listens: The Heart : Autogenic organ - not being told to beat by the brain, beating on its own.

this entry was meant to be a distraction from what was truly going on around me. Thought that I was strong enough to listen to something spiritual to lift up my spirits.

But I had a shitty day. Plain shit. Plain ol shit.

Hoping to find my soul again when my heart is rested.

Mindless Monday

Lun - I was supposed to remind you about something??? I can't remember???

My heart - is unsettled. It started when I was having a conversation with a volunteer at work. And I realised that I was 'externalising' myself from my work. I was talking like "them and me" And it's like "hey! that's a sign or is that a sign? Why did I do that? My subconscious working in real"

People - some of us have money but truly can't buy happiness. I know one person for sure. Sad but true. Can pay for company but can't achieve true companionship. But still this very person is holding on hard to money. Money defines some of us, I guess.

Lunch - Porridge. Basic. Simple. Filling. Delicious. However can't beat the Johor bubur I had coupla years back.

A Gentle Reminder (Friday Moments)

Allah won't ask what kind of car you drove; He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

Allah won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

Allah won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet,He'll ask how many you helped to clothes.

Allah won't ask what your highest salary was; He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

Allah won't ask what your job title was; He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

Allah won't ask how many friends you had, He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friends

Allah won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

Allah won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content of your character.

Allah won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation;He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell. Happy moments, praise Allah.

Difficult moments, seek Allah.

Quiet moments, worship Allah.

Painful moments, trust Allah.

Every moment, thank Allah.

4:44pm

That's the time on my pc clock. It's been two days. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm excited , I'm happy, I wish I could go around and seek people's approval (like I do anyway) that this is the ONE for ME! Some one wrote this. If you are reading this somehow.. no offense please. "You'll end up somewhere crappy first sometimes but that's just so you'll be able to appreciate the best when you get there ;)" How lovely can that be :)

Tomorrow is my busy day.. plain busy. Alittle nervous. Trying out some new dishes on my own. YIPES!

here I go again

The title reminds of lagu "Julia Says" from Gawd I can't remember the group's name. U2?!!!! entah lah. I'm on half day today. Looking for opportunities other than my workplace again in the afternoon. With Allah's will who knows there might be something new for me.

6 mins to go to 1pm. I'm disappointed somehow with my supervisor. Neway have to solve the problem soon. I deal with that on Monday.

between sinus attack

One of the worst sinus attack came. My face is swollen.. *urgh* wake up i_mshe neway i discovers msn webmessenger. korang masuk ler msn webmessenger. kita boleh chat.

i like this one

Your Birthdate: October 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause. You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too. Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others. You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress. Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities Your power color: Crimson red Your power symbol: Snowflake Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

p/s: my boss is just a coupla steps away from me...

here we go

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Yeah I know what boredom and sleepiness can drive me to.

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Friendly Alchemist. Where You Lived: Ukraine. How You Died: Natural causes.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

I don't mind the friendly alchemy bit.

Your Delia's Bedroom Is

Vintage Dot

What Delias Bedroom Should You Have?

Love those colors and the room!!!

Your Inner Lip Color Is

Spanish Red

What's Your Inner Lip Color?

That's me alrite.

How long should this go on????????

dream weaver

Sleepy... there's only 2 of us in the main office. Next office is dark. I turned off the main light in my office. Left with natural light from outside and 1 light. Gawd sleepy. Apa nak buat sekarang nie...... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Milk and fruitcake

Eating fruitcake dunk in milk is actually one of my food fetish. However my fruitcake has to be less or no cherry. Just plain ol' raisins. And when the fruitcake gets alittle stuck in my throat I would water it down with milk.

I didn't know that you could develop nausea from cleaning up. I did. On the eve of Hari Raya, if I had to lift my finger to do 1 more thing, I would have thrown up! Even sending greetings was a 'chore'. Sorry guys! But in the end, the house did look okay to me. I did some 'touch ups' in the morning and the house is ready for guests. Not many people do come to my house, but the this year I am happy to have the house ready for guests. I was glad I started the cleaning up early this year. Ramadhan was a blessing Alhamdulillah. I realised that as the year goes by, Ramadhan tests every soul and when the soul is weak, succumbs to pressure, the soul fails. I witnessed many things which should not be done during Ramadhan. I wished I had more courage to tell these people off. How our own doing fail us as Muslims and as a good citizens of Islam. How we fail to carry the banner of Islam this year should be reflected this Ramadhan and strive to improve the following months up to the crunch of the next Ramadhan.

I hope and pray that Allah protect me from witnessing those things again and guide these people to the right path. I love Ramadhan and look forward to many Ramadhans to come. I hope to experience Ramadhan in a different place one day.

Eid MUBARAK!

This Ramadhan

I am confuse right now. My head is spinning. I can't even focus when I was praying. Past 2 days was different. To put it nicely it was Challenging. I can't imagine that I would have reached a point in life where I have to face this. I am sick of the idiot. I am sick that we are eve related! I am looking for courage. I need to save some one I love. I have to save her. But she doesn't want to be saved. How can I go on like this? How can she go on living like this? HOw can the idiot be so selffish. I want to scream and shout, cry like a mad woman for all I care! I just want to save her. My wish and desire can't be reached. All doesn't matter now. All doesn't matter now.

If I can't save her I pray that this one does not live long enough to suffer. THis is crazy but this is for her own good. Who can understand my predicament? My rage is burning but I am not allowing it to show. I am just letting it be a small flame. Arrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh! My head my eyes! I am hurting! My heart screams but my voice isn't heard. THis is the tug of love. I look outside the world doesn't have any meaning to me.

O Allah save us. Save her save her O Allah. Love her more than You would love the rest of us.

penat

Saturday and Sunday worked whole day. Today back at work again. Penat. Penat. Penat. Tak larat nak kerja lagi.

Nari kat my ofis 3 orang je. Tulang-tulang rasa retak seribu.

So here are my final list of preparation before hari raya

1. shoes - i'm determined to get shoes that fit!. Ye lah .. orang keturunan Cinderalla memang cam nie.

2. curtain - my dream curtain wasn't available at Geylang.

3. Ranting & vase - for the desert look

4. Tudong

5. Benang & needle - need to sew some cushion yg tertetas benang.

6. bedsheet - i have only 3 bedsheets which ihave been using and changing for the past 3yrs.

7. cat - to cover up my son's graffiti work.

For the house

1. clean windows

2. clean fans

3. put up decors

4. clean the final part of the kitchen cupboards.

5. clean floor

*penat*

back at work

Very very berat to wake up and get myself dress to work. I guess even my son knows that he has to be sent off to his grandma's house. He also didnt wanna wake up. Just kept crying for no reason. We cuddled and snuggled for awhile while I sang to him some nursery rhymes to keep him cool. Then turned on the electronic babysitter (TV) while I take my shower and get ready for work.

My baju which i bought at Angsana had a hole in it. Looks like cig butt hole. Will try to cover it up some how.

At work today, just lazing around. Hopefully I can laze around till the day ends.

My best kept sms

"Allah answers prayers in three ways

He says YES and GIVES you what you want

He says NO and GIVES you something BETTER

He says WAIT and GIVES you the BEST in HIS own time."

sms-ed by suziekabloozy 18 May 2002 1:35:14pm

In response

I have been busy that I have missed reading my commonly visited blogs.

1. Lun - you say the sweetest things on earth that even the donut I had just now can't compare to your words. They can give me gingivitis. We still have each other. You better recover also. Entah2x memang dah berisi tak? Kadang2x sign and simtoms is like diarhoea sakit perut..?????? amacam??? Go get the blue stick!
2. Kak Enig - It would really be very lovely to meet up you this Hari Raya. Let's plan for one. Kalau susah sgt let's just gather at one place. I realised that Khalis looks seposen like you and Ain duaposen macam baba dia.
3. WTL - You will be the strongest person who will come out of this situation. It is Allah's way of doing and planning things for us.
4. Cekya - I think we were looking at the same exact moon when you took that shot. Eldest especially boys memang dimanjakan when they were young and grew up to be spoilbrats and attention seekers. He'll get over it.
5. Ligo - Take care of your pregnancy.
6. Danny - all quiet.

In response to myself, what I wished for myself and tell me is

1. The courage to just quit my job. I should stop waiting for 'a good reason' to quit.
2. The courage to do things I've never done before but think that I might have some 'knack' in it. Like .. business.
3. The will to do yoga. I need to lose some major mass and relax too!
4. The courage to care and be with my son fulltime. How scary can it be?
5. Focus. I need to find my focus again.

It's my party!

First of all, thanks to the lovely people who sent me birthday wishes! Ya da best!

And so how I spent my three 'O' day? I went to Johor!!!!! Juz me and hubby! by bus! And we went to Angsana! It was my first time to Angsana! I love the mall! We spent like 5 hrs over there! They;ve got nice stuff that I started to hyperventilate! ahahahhahaha

I got myself 1 and half baju raya. Knowing me I like to perk things up with those baju. Might sew some beads and stuffs. I got this lovely serving dish! GAWD~ it's really gorgeous!! I saw many many beautiful lamps!! tapi camne nak angkut.... takde kereta. *sigh*

Boy I wish I had unlimited credit! I would have bought the whole store! Bought a patchwork quilt .. something i've always wanted for me bed from this Muslim China guy. Quite cute too! I was looking for Anuar Zain's cd .. unfortunately takde. *sigh* thought I could buy that for myself for my birthday. Oh yeah I went inside this store... this is going to be disgusting guys.. i asked the girl for anuar zain.. and just guess what she was doing! She was cleaning her armpits with a tissue through the opening of her t-shirt. YUCK! I thought she would stop cos she was serving me.. but NOOOOOOO. She continued with the other ARMPIT! YUCK!!! I didnt want to touch the cd of anuar zain that she showed me. So i left the store.. mumbling that this is not what i wanted. *phew*

Then I saw Mawi World. Tempted to buy.. tapi tak tau apsal tak beli. Got some donuts! Yummy!!! hmm what else I got.. oh yeah from there we went to kotaraya.. cos my mum kirim roti pita. We are all addicted to the roti pita. and she made kima.. so there is no way I can give her a reason that I couldnt get it. Kotaraya we prayed asar.. then went to komtar. Ah yes! Roti Pita! and idiotic me.... after the long queue i realised that i wasn't suppose to queue there for the pita. So had to go another queue. good thing it wasn't a long queue (penat byk word queue) from komtar we sneaked in to City Square eventhough we know we only have 30 mins and it was all thunder and lightening so whatever we were looking for it had to be quick! Couldn't find anything my hubby wanted.

So we took thebus back. We reached my mum's place at 6:35pm. Just in time to heat up the roti pita. Everybody (including nephews and niece) were there to buka sama2x. It was fun!

And I realised after buka puasa that I got a sore shoulder. Must be from carrying heavy stuffs. oh and i'm like way behind schedule with my hari raya preparation! yipes!

I'm off fromwork tomorrow. Got to get some stuffs still! If only i can get shoes my size. It would make it more complete.

1 week to go to my birthday

Dengan tak malunya I asked my husband (who doesn't seem to have any plans) what's for my birthday. Takde plan. Cuma bawa gie shopping je. Jadi lah.

Lun called yesterday - cian MC 2 hari. Jaga diri baik2x lah. Rehat je kat rumah.

WTL - good to see u online. Dah bebrapa hari lepas tak leh masuk ur blog. Semalam boleh alhamdulillah. Update lah.

This Ramadhan thus far filled with bits of challenges. I heard some news i didn't want to hear from hubby. Rasa terlalu sedih. He told me not to worry. Everything will be okay.

Tadi terdengar lagu ONJ (Olivia Newton John) .. yes u all would be saying shouldn't i be listening to Islamic stuff.. Yeah bukan nak kumpul pahal byk2x. But ONJ's lirik..... kalau takde orang kat office nie dah nangis giler.

Maybe I hang around here

A little more than I should

We both know I got somewhere else to go

But I got something to tell you

That I never thought I would

But I believe you really ought to knowI love you

I honestly love you

You don't have to answer

I see it in your eyes

Maybe it was better left unsaid

This is pure and simple

And you should realize

That it's coming from my heart and not my head

I love youI honestly love you

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable

I'm not trying to make you anything at all

But this feeling doesn't come along everyday

And you shouldn't blow the chance

When you've got the chance to sayI love youI honestly love you

If we both were born

In anoother place and time

This moment might be ending in a kiss

But there you are with yours

And here I am with mine

So I guess we'll just be leaving it at thisI love you

I honestly love you

I honestly love you